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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want dh to spend £££ on stag

498 replies

Theselfishwife · 17/09/2017 22:55

Dh's brother is getting married the stag is currently being organised it's a weekend abroad that will cost £££ and "everyone is going" so he HAS to go as well.

I don't think spending several hundred pounds on a weekend getting pissed is a responsible use of our money being we have to save for a planned house renovation and we are planning on TTC a 2nd child so need to save now for my maternity leave.

His reasoning is that he never spends money on anything "not even expensive clothes" which is at dig at me spending money on new clothes since DC 1 was born, I Put on 2 dress sizes and had to buy a whole new wardrobe.
Since DC was born I've only spent money on buying clothes because I had nothing to wear because I've had a baby and completely changed shape.

AIBU in saying he should be prioritising his family and our well being (renovating house, holiday etc.) Rather than spending hundreds of pounds on a weekend away getting pissed?

I say the stag isn't important so long as we attend the wedding, he says it is important and he HAS to be there.

Who IBU?

OP posts:
BeatriceBeaudelaire · 18/09/2017 00:00

@Theselfishwife my DP is a graduate and he spend £600+ on his suits so .. not all graduates wear primark

Original poster
Theselfishwife · 18/09/2017 00:01

I'd like to die on a hill with carpet so it's safe for my toddler so play without fear of a cracked head....

OP posts:
MamaJaye · 18/09/2017 00:02

YABU

Life is short. Tell him to go and enjoy himself!

MamaJaye · 18/09/2017 00:03

It seems that you've asked the question and now you aren't liking the answers OP!

EamonnWright · 18/09/2017 00:03

You be already decided he's not going, haven't you?

Expect it to be thrown in your face in future by him...

HaveAWeeNap · 18/09/2017 00:03

Weren't worrying about the toddler's cracked head when we invested in the capsule wardrobe, though were we, OP?

CosyFires · 18/09/2017 00:05

£500+ on a fucking stag do it ridiculous, I don't care whose it is! YANBU!

nameohnameohname · 18/09/2017 00:07

Then why didn't you buy cheaper clothes and get a carpet?

Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest · 18/09/2017 00:11

I think YABU OP - this is his brother and a special occasion. My sisters hen night was abroad and cost lots so we foregone the family that year - but my OH totally understood that this was a one of occasion

StickThatInYourPipe · 18/09/2017 00:11

I agree with EamonnWright

Original poster
Theselfishwife · 18/09/2017 00:11

Yes I was which is why it's a capsule wardrobe mainly from Next, m&s and oasis so not even excessively expensive! I bought my shoes 50% off in the sale!

OP posts:
CosyFires · 18/09/2017 00:12

Only on MN would it be acceptable for a man to spend £500+ on a stag but rip into a woman who spent money on cloths she NEEDED after having a baby Hmm

Liadain · 18/09/2017 00:12

hands OP a larger shovel

I'd give you a grip, but that's a cracking hole you're digging right now.

jakscrakers · 18/09/2017 00:13

A brothers stag do is hopefully a once in a lifetime thing, not a regular spend, so play fair let him go with your blessing, if you think about it he will probably be that pleased to actually have your blessing that he will be pleased to save and kowtow to your suggestions/orders later on, seriously if he has to bow to your orders and not go, what sort of family life are you going to have, its give and take not all give from him and take from you ..IMO

redemptionsongs · 18/09/2017 00:13

you need to have another chat - whatever the cost of your clothes was, take some money off for the bits where you wanted extra nice quality as it makes you comfortable (I understand that, nice clothes make me feel more professional but they aren't essential), and he's being unreasonable to try and discount the whole cost of those clothes as some sort of luxury good for you.

Then, you see what the 'extra' cost of your clothes was against his stag thing and any extra for the stag comes out of his personal spending.

that's fairer surely? I agree, £500 on a stag is silly, I don't know why people do that but equally, you don't want to be the person that said no.

CosyFires · 18/09/2017 00:14

so we foregone the family that year

So your whole family (I'm assuming you have children) missed out on their own holiday so you could go and get pissed abroad with your sister? Hmm Nice

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/09/2017 00:14

I think that in this instance I would let it go because its his brother. If it was anyone else then it would be a no, but family really is different.

Is it really the money? Or is it that you dont want him to be going away for a weekends jolly when you have had a full week at work and dont want to be in sole charge at the weekend ? I wouldnt blame you for feeling that way. I would still say that he should go, but I would have more respect for you if you were honest about your reasons.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 18/09/2017 00:15

No one's ripping into her for needing or buying the clothes! But ripping into her for being so judgemental and controlling about what her DH spends money on.

Ah well OP - no point if you're just going to get more defensive. It isn't pleasant to hear people not taking your side. Hope you reflect on it a bit more in the quiet rather than screaming on here.

CosyFires · 18/09/2017 00:16

We best start saving, DP has four brothers!

StickThatInYourPipe · 18/09/2017 00:18

So are you going to stop him going OP?

TrailingWife · 18/09/2017 00:18

I hate the trend for weekend stag dos and for destination weddings. How did it become a trend for people to demand that their friends and family spend so much so that they can get married? Nearly every one we know ends up divorced any way, which just makes the whole thing more annoying to me. (In our circle, it seems that the more money involved in the parties and wedding, the shorter the marriage).

None the less, it's his brother. You are his wife, not his mother. He's an adult with a job.

He doesn't need your permission to go. Even though it would annoy me, I wouldn't tell my DH what he could and could not do with his family. (He doesn't tell me what to do about my family either.)

This is advice for YOUR marriage: Let your DH run his relationships with his parents and siblings. Just stay out of it.

BoomBoomBoomBoooom · 18/09/2017 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/09/2017 00:33

yabu. everyone knows you should have gone to work in just ya pants and vest... Hmm

oops needed underwear too... naked then op for you, while your other half pisses the money up the wall.

over40andpregnant · 18/09/2017 00:34

It's his brothers stag do
He didn't choose the venue
This is one You have to suck up
You sound like your idea of what a stag do should be is clouding things
Yabvvvvu

Softkittysillykitty · 18/09/2017 00:34

Hmmm. Why did you choose your username OP?

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