To think I'm not a baby machine and DH should get the snip?

[foxyface]

DC4 is 9mo and I've said from when I found out I was pregnant with him that this is absolutely our last child, because I know DH would really like to have about 6. I've also just been taken off the pill by my doctor since I was having too many severe side effects.

Then DH last night asked how I felt about maybe having another child! We kind of had a small argument about it that ended with me telling him I think he should get a vasectomy.

He's been fine with me today and though I know I went about it the wrong way, I was being serious. I'm not a baby making machine, and for 17 years our birth control has been up to me. I feel like its his turn. AIBU?

Exactly expat. I find this quite chilling.

OP anyway, you've been through more than enough and you are well within your rights to ask he does that. If he feels able to pressure you to have another baby then nothing wrong to my mind with putting a bit of pressure back to having the snip.

EXACTLY HE is pressuring the OP to do something SHE doesnt want to with her body.

Male privilege stinks!

Yup. And I bet he'd sulk if he was refused his 'right' to have sex with his wife permanently. She'd be well within her rights to withdraw that particular privilege!

Haven't rtft but there is a device called 'lady comp' which is meant to track your periods and tell you when you are fertile in a month. There's a loads of science behind it (ie its not just glorified rhythm method) and proven to be as effective as other contraception methods.

Could be worth op considering. Sorry if already been suggested.

Would it be totally mental to suggest just not having sex? Is this a thing in anybody else's house apart from mine?

'Would it be totally mental to suggest just not having sex? Is this a thing in anybody else's house apart from mine?'

No, but a man like this will probably think he's entitled to PIV sex just like he thinks he's entitled to as many children as the OP can have and then bear no responsibility towards looking after them.

Not just your house, I don't currently have PIV either. Too scared of getting pregnant and DP has been refused vasectomy referral twice.

Diaphram. Old fashioned but works GREAT. No side effects. No longer available in usa. That is proof that it works; cuts into their profits.

Better than condom, its woman's choice to use. Its not a hormonal device, used consistently, no pregnancies. Also can be used during menstrual cycle much like cup.

If my dh had wanted 6 dc, i would have told my mother. SHE was adamant that birth is dangerous and she worried about me every time. Her arguments and defence of her only daughter's health would put him off sex and children for a long time. i would have laughed heartily bc, although not her business, this is one issue (besides religion) that she was passionate about.

Seriously, that decision is important both financially and healthwise. They used to say that a woman lost a tooth for every child. Please take care of yourself. It is NOT his decision now.

If you need help, i can channel my departed mother for you.

Another diaphragm fan here.

Brilliant things.

Why can't you be sterilized? You cannot force him to have the snip.
contraceptive implant.
intrauterine system (IUS)
intrauterine device (IUD)
progestogen-only pill.
diaphragm or cap.
male condoms or female condoms.
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contraception-guide/Pages/which-method-suits-me.aspx

Refusing to have PIV sex with an abusive man who likes you constantly pregnant is not a good idea: such men consider their wives bodies to be their property so... her refusal probably won't be respected.

YANBU. However as you definitely do not want any more children surely you can take steps to ensure you won't. Would you want more children say if you separated and remarried. If No, then you take appropriate steps.

RTFT retired. OP has been denied sterilisation, and has additionally explained already why several of the methods you use would not be desirable.

What steps do you have in mind manic? Bearing in mind what OP has already told us.

I agree with PixieChemist. I had two Mirena coils before starting menopause and would recommend it.

So, thought I'd do a quick update; I spoke to 'D'H last night and told him that we would not be having PIV until I can get sterilised as he is unwilling to be sterilised, which I obviously cannot force him to do. He is furious that I will not even consider having a 5th child and has taken himself off to a hotel until he's decided what he wants to do. In all honesty I don't really know what's going on right now.

'He is furious that I will not even consider having a 5th child and has taken himself off to a hotel until he's decided what he wants to do.'

Did you tell him you're furious he never looks after his own kids and treats you like an incubator? Fuck him off. Make sure you hire in help for your recovery from the sterilisation, he won't provide it and some people really need it, especially with 4 children.

Let him strop
Stick to your guns.

He sounds awful. Fertility fetishising or using pregnancy to control ...

Wow.

I fucking knew it Abusive cunt

OP tell him to fucking do one You are not his property or his incubator

This IS reproductive coercion.

What a piece of shit. I take it you are getting on with the job of caring for your existing children whilst he ignores them, preferring instead to sulk about their imaginary sibling.

what does PIV stand for?

Penis in vagina