To think I'm not a baby machine and DH should get the snip?

[foxyface]

DC4 is 9mo and I've said from when I found out I was pregnant with him that this is absolutely our last child, because I know DH would really like to have about 6. I've also just been taken off the pill by my doctor since I was having too many severe side effects.

Then DH last night asked how I felt about maybe having another child! We kind of had a small argument about it that ended with me telling him I think he should get a vasectomy.

He's been fine with me today and though I know I went about it the wrong way, I was being serious. I'm not a baby making machine, and for 17 years our birth control has been up to me. I feel like its his turn. AIBU?

[HelenaDove]

Yes Ttb how very unfair if he cant have more kids that he cant be bothered to look after

[WorraLiberty]

And if you are end up using condoms as a lone method stick one over a tap and run water through it to see if there are any leaks

OMG never do this.

It would probably stretch the condom and increase the risk of it slipping off during sex.

[HelenaDove]

Worra i didnt think of that. I was angry on behalf of the OP when i posted. From what shes posted i wouldnt trust him an inch.

[HelenaDove]

i was more thinking that she ditch the condom after and not use it. If hes pierced one its likely he will have done it to the pack.

[Henrythehoover]

My ex wanted more children and I didn't (we have 3) so I got sterilized. It's not an easy thing to get don't though as they don't like to refer people as so many change their minds. It was also not helped by the fact I was 29 when I had it done. They were even double checking as I went into theatre that I was 100% sure. I'm so glad I got it done though.

[BananaShit]

If the OP does not anymore children she should get sterlirsed no if no butts none of the PA no sex til he gets a snip?

Were you aware that one of the risks attached to female sterilisation is increased chance of ectopic pregnancy, which can be fatal? If not, you should look this up before you say women should do it and if you were, why have you spent more time talking about the less serious, non-fatal potential side effect of severe pain and amputation?

I mean, it's a moot point anyway since he's obviously not going to do it. But if you're going to talk about worst case scenarios, do a thorough job of it not cherry pick. And meanwhile, OP has every right not to have PIV with someone who might impregnate her and actually, what would be controlling would be him expecting PIV whilst still fertile when she doesn't want either children or hormones/coil. For you to describe this as passive aggressive is fucking disgusting.

[HelenaDove]

"And meanwhile, OP has every right not to have PIV with someone who might impregnate her and actually, what would be controlling would be him expecting PIV whilst still fertile when she doesn't want either children or hormones/coil. For you to describe this as passive aggressive is fucking disgusting"


FUCKING SPOT ON!!

[expatinscotland]

' If you don't want anymore children but he does then the onus is on you to sort out contraception. There are many options out there, not just the pill. You could look into the shot or IUS. If you cannot take hormonal contraceptives you could get a copper IUD or a tubal ligation. '

Or abstinence. If a person doesn't want their body diddled with by anymore hormones or a coil. No PIV is one of the options out there that don't involve hormones or shoving a foreign body in her cervix or having a surgical procedure that carries risk of a potentially fatal complication (ectopic pregnancy).

[SheGotOffThePlane]

I assumed that you would test one under water that wou weren't going to use??

[SheGotOffThePlane]

And I'm on the other side of the spectrum. As a couple, we don't want any more dc, but while it's a financial decision for me, dh is adamant he never wants more. I've received my letter through for my referral but all I can think is 'what if'.
What if we win the lottery, what if we split, divorce, dh dies, current children die?? If the status quo is maintained then I'm more than happy to go through with it. But who's to say it'll stay like that?? Probably a moot point because I would be too old to have any more if the above happened but what if??

[T00ManyB00ks]

Have you considered something like the Natural Cycles app as a possibility? You would still need to use condoms when you were fertile.

[phoenix1973]

Mydogisthebest youre very lucky. I wish mine would

[expatinscotland]

Why are you having an irreversible surgery on your body that you don't want, She? Being sterilised should be the choice of the person electing it and no one else's and something he/she wants 100% because they never, ever want to create another child no matter what happens.

[itsbetterthanabox]

You don't need to have piv sex at all.
If you do both want to then he can choose either the snip or to use condoms.
There's lots of ways to have sex that don't risk pregnancy.

[JustWonderingZ]

I really would not recommend any form of contraception which relies on your DH, not condoms, pulling out etc, as there is likely to be a 'mishap'. For similar reasons, natural planning and Natural Cycles app is out. It takes both partners to be committed and disciplined. Somehow I don't think your DH will be religiously abstaining on fertile days and I would not trust him with condoms especially when he will know you are at peak fertility.

It is up to you to get sterilised. He does not want to and it is understandable. It is kind permanent and you never know what tomorrow brings, as other PPs said.

[FrustratedTeddyLamp]

It's interesting seeing that the thread yesterday about the OP wanting. Her do to be a sperm donor was met with his sperm his choice, yet some posters would try and force their DP into a vasectomy

[WomblingThree]

I agree Teddy. I cannot think of any other situation where it would be considered even remotely acceptable or reasonable to try and force/blackmail a person into having surgery they didn't want.

This is not a feminist issue, it's an issue of basic bodily autonomy for each individual.

[TheMaddHugger]

(((((((((((Hugs))))))) OP 🌸❤️️🌼❤️️🌷❤️️🌼❤️️🌻❤️️🌼❤️️🌷❤️️🌼❤️️🌸

[knickerelasticgonetwang]

Why not get an implant best thing I have done hardly any periods or feeling sick and I reacted to the pill

[streetface]

Do NOT try the natural cycles app. It worked for two years for me but now I'm bloody 21 weeks pregnant without knowing till a few weeks ago. All good until your cycles mess up then your body plays havoc and it's no longer reliable.

Sterilisation is reversible, I should know, I had it done. However, like another PP said I had an ectopic and it burst and I nearly died. I needed a blood transfusion and lost a Fallopian tube. Had a baby after but swore I wouldn't do that again. Husband booked for snip, I had the depo injection while we were waiting and also used the natural cycle app.

Boom. Bloody pregnant again

I don't care what anyone says. I'm bloody well telling the husband he's having the snip. Luckily he's fully on board.

[lisahpost]

Id lose my shit with any husband or partner that thinks it's ok to tell their missus they want them to have more kids when the woman clearly doesn't want to !
Not their risk and they go through nothing to get the kids .

[lisahpost]

And yes I told mine to get snipped or stay the hell away from me after miscarrying number six nearly killed me ! Not sorry , it was his turn to step up and take a bit of discomfort !

[streetface]

Lisahpost. Totally get where you're coming from.

[expatinscotland]

'Sterilisation is reversible, I should know, I had it done.'

That is not always the case and anyone undertaking sterilisation should be very aware of this. It is a permanent form of contraception and there is certainly no guarantee a reversal will work.

And yes, ectopic pregnancy is a potential for women who've had tubal ligation procedure of any sort.

[gunther73]

I used to hate condoms until I found one that was the correct size. Have fun trying some out. People don't all buy the same size socks, so why do they just buy standard condoms? Do a search for condom size