To be pissed with c-section shamers?

[LadyTsunade]

where have they all come from?! it seems to be a new trend where celebrities and others are shaming moms that for whatever reason have sections. Kate Hudson started recently claiming having a section was the "laziest thing she has ever done" 😤

Sayyou, I am sorry to hear that and really can't understand why people can't just support each other rather, instead of taking chunks out of people for expressing their views and experiences.

VB is not within my experience but I would never question that it is painful or hard!

It's not surprising we are all judging each other if midwives birth group's make it sound like the worst thing to happen to you is a section....and not breasts feeding.

I have never met anyone who has been rude. I had 4 C-sections (for 4 babies!). All of them hard but that was my lot and I am content with it. If someone does say something I am ready :)

sayyou speaking as another section mum, they sound like idiots. It's not a competition! Though interestingly when it came to bfing, I got the same grief you did 'why are you still doing that?' Er, because it works for me?

I think there's too much pressure put upon Moms (and parents in general) to do everything proper

Conversely I think it is going the other way, the medicalisation of a pretty natural process (FOR MOST, not all, I know...) is becoming commonplace.

old
Yet I got told I was selfish for not having a section with my breech baby.
Dammed if you do...dammed if you don't...

And yes I agree with the poster above - shamed for having a normal birth. I was told I hadn't to talk about it before I'd even announced the name and sex.

Septembersunshine, going off topic but what was your fourth section and pregnancy like? Did your scar hurt during pregnancy? I have had 3 sections and looking to have one last baby, many thanks

2 c sections for me and I feel no shame at all. My only goal was for everyone to come out alive and well. I was stunned when I got a visit next day from "birth matters" ( I think that's what they were called) asking if i needed counselling due to the disappointment of having to have a c section. I wasn't disappointed at all and was pretty annoyed at the assumption I would be.
I know two women who felt the pressure of society to have a vaginal birth so much that they insisted on it and their babies were damaged in the process and will need life-long care. Both totally avoidable.

ivegot
You may not have been disappointed - but some women are. I was totally disappointed and would have loved a person to talk it through.

Emergency section here and I don't give a monkey what people think. I've not had any negative comments. I think I'd rip the persons head off if anyone dared to tell me I took the easy way out.

But ivegot having a section can also be damaging. Not only to the mother but to the next baby. One of mine has slight brain damage caused in all likelihood by the original section.

Your very words "totally avoidable...(if only you'd had a section)" are what I am talking about. We can't say it's totally avoidable. Each women in your example may have died by having a csection - you dont know.

My first dd was born vaginally after a very long and traumatic labour resulting in dd having cerebral palsy, surgery to repair me, an infection and pnd/ptsd.
Dd2 was an elcs - completely straightforward, couldn't feel anything, hardly remember it as it was so untraumatic.
Dd3 was elcs, not as straightforward, could feel alot more, bled alot more, undiagnosed gestational diabetes which led to another nicu trip. Wound infection afterwards.
Dc4 will be elcs, I'm scared. Neither way is particularly easy but I'd much prefer a straightforward vaginal delivery as even with my horrible vag delivery the recovery was easier.
Elcs's are generally untraumatic, but scary and abit shit for the first few weeks - I just want to be able to move around normally lol.
I really think women judging birthing methods is really detrimental to all of our mental health and we should be supportive regardless.

We need to shift the conversation away from notions of 'the right kind of birth' and towards 'the right birth for your circumstances'. And for elcs to always be a legitimate choice.

For example, if I have another child I want an elective. My first was a fairly traumatic escalade of interventions, leading to a crash c section under general. DS would not have survived a natural birth. I couldn't give a flying fuck about 'failing'. I was just glad to have a healthy child and my recovery was good. I was out the day after.

If I have another, I want a better birth experience and for me, the best way to achieve that is an elective. Sure, I could try a vbac, but for various reasons, physical and mental it's not likely to work. That's fine. A nice, calm elective is a different, but not less positive experience.

It's all about individual circumstances. A friend of mine had a home birth with hypnobirthing and a hippy midwife. It sounded like a really wonderful experience and I'm glad for her. But that's not for me and my choice is no less legitimate.

Women who turn child birth and child rearing into a competitive sport are idiotic.

Why the constant need to feel superior and smug, at the expense of other women? Thanks to the c - section a lot more babies and women survive the birthing process these days than they would have even 50 years ago. What's so lazy and inferior about that?!

magic
They are teeny but feisty 17 month olds now. Only 7.2kg each but amazing little girls. T1 is still on oxygen after lots of chest infections and having a partial lung collapse a couple of months ago, but she is otherwise happy and cheerful.

getout21 Sorry, I just saw this! It was just a really stress-free, comfortable birth.I had zero pain and could only vaguely feel them working. The medical team were friendly, calm and very smiley.I had constant reassurance and my son came out almost immediately screaming. The anaeasthegiolist took videos on our phones for us and as soon as DS had been checked he was handed to me.

The recovery was painful the first 2 days as I had bronchitis so the coughing was torture.

laurie
I think it's more about the right kind of birth for you - not your circumstances.
When circumstances are brought into play it becomes very judgemental.
For example, "well I had to have a csection because my baby was breach and you have to do what us the safest...." Thus implying that the mother who chooses the vb with breech isn't as good a mother.

Two people given the same set of circumstances will chose differently, and that's ok.

laurie
I think it's more about the right kind of birth for you - not your circumstances.
When circumstances are brought into play it becomes very judgemental.
For example, "well I had to have a csection because my baby was breach and you have to do what us the safest...." Thus implying that the mother who chooses the vb with breech isn't as good a mother.

Two people given the same set of circumstances will chose differently, and that's ok.

I wrongly thought that c-sections were the norm is USA.

I had both of mine by c-section (medical reasons), lots of people felt the need to pass comment... They either felt sorry for me or had pleasure in telling me that I would never get my figure back.

2 x C/S. Could not care less what people think of it. Not sure why they even would think of it.

I can only laugh at views like this. How bitter and unhappy must you be to try and make another woman feel bad about their births? To make you feel better?

It's really pathetic. Said people neeed something else in their life. I bet they're the sort of women who spend hours a day on baby Facebook groups telling people off for not keeping their 4 year old rear facing or not breastfeeding. Get a life

So lazy that, bringing your baby into the world safely. I can't understand how someone who has had a chance section could call it the easy way, it's a really tough recovery.

My ds could not fit through my pelvis, which was discovered after a 20 hour labour and reaching 10cm. I do not feel ashamed of having a c section, there was no other choice.

I had a EMCS.
I could turn around & say that anyone who has a VB is stupid & lazy.
Well they are aren't they?

(Deliberately being obtuse & provocative.)

I don't care how someone gives birth. Healthy or alive baby & mother are the important things.
No birth is totally a walk in the park.

It is hardly a new trend for women who have had c sections to feel that others are "shaming" them for it. That certainly happened when I had my first child more than 17 years ago and I am sure that it happened from the moment C-sections were carried out. Presumably it was easier for Kate Hudson than her other births and I don't see why she can't say that. I know other's who say the same thing. I think it is a bit ridiculous and self-absorbed to get worked up over what other's may or may not think about your birth experience- the vast majority of people couldn't care less about your personal experience.

Sometimes on MN I feel as if I have either wandered into a parallel universe or have led a ridiculously sheltered life.
Is this really something women do? I guess it must be, hence the comments but I just can't get my head around it. I've never asked another mum how their baby was born. Why would I? What's it got to do with me? Also C Section or VB. Who cares? You still carried that baby to term (in most cases) and you're still going to take care.of it and raise it. If someone told me they'd had a c section, I wouldn't even think twice about it . But then, I mind my own business unless I'm ASKED for an opinion.