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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed with c-section shamers?

200 replies

LadyTsunade · 16/09/2017 16:09

where have they all come from?! it seems to be a new trend where celebrities and others are shaming moms that for whatever reason have sections. Kate Hudson started recently claiming having a section was the "laziest thing she has ever done" 😤

OP posts:
MissEliza · 16/09/2017 22:02

It's not a new thing. I had my first c section 18 years ago and people were telling me almost as soon as I got out of the recovery room how I had the easy option. I say people, it was only other women. Male friends and relatives seemed to understand there was a bit of recovering to do and sympathise. I don't know why women need to talk each other down.
At the end of the day, my babies were healthy. I don't care about anything else.

Roomster101 · 16/09/2017 22:06

I think that Kate Hudson was just stating that she herself was being lazy to have a C section for some reason. Maybe she didn't need to have one but did because she didn't fell like pushing. That doesn't mean that she thinks everyone who has a C section is lazy. She probably couldn't care less how other women give birth- who does?

Getout21 · 16/09/2017 22:07

Perhaps the people who judge & think it's easy haven't had one though?

tbh I certainly didn't expect the recovery to be so difficult. I stupidly assumed I would have it & then struggle a little with abdominal pain but be back to normal in a few days.

DeadButDelicious · 16/09/2017 22:10

We lost our first daughter. The very thought of vaginal birth was extremely distressing to me. My elective c section with our second was everything I could have ever asked for, it was a lovely, calm, positive birth. Baby was perfect, recovery was a doddle (thanks to the PICO dressing I had) and I was feeling completely back to normal after a fortnight or so. I don't give a flying fuck if it was the 'easy way out' it was just what we needed.

MothratheMighty · 16/09/2017 22:12

This is a thing? Belittling and trying to shame women who have done everything in their power to give birth to a healthy child? Arse holes.
Never had a c-section, no one in my family has. Doesn't change my opinion on thoughtless bitching though.

Headofthehive55 · 16/09/2017 22:54

I found it really annoying when other women tried to tell me how easy a csection was to recover from. When they hadn't had one!

It's major surgery. With all its risks, dreadful complications at times, pain and lasting problems. Not easy at all.

OhOurBilly · 16/09/2017 23:10

I had DS surgically removed after 32 hours of back to back labour and an exciting transfer because he'd still be wedged in there now if I hadn't. He was stuck in my plvis, back to back and with a funny head presentation. No shame whatsoever. We were extremely fortunate. Would choose an ELCS if there's a next time.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 16/09/2017 23:14

I had 2 vaginal births, no c-sections. Neither birth was "easy". But how anyone could think that having your actual body cut open in a major operation scenario would be "easier" leaves me absolutely baffled.

YANBU OP

mirime · 16/09/2017 23:17

@MsHopey don't know about any other surgery but I had an ovary out last year and was out the next day, and could have been out the same day if I'd had the op in the morning. Keyhole, obviously.

I did come out with 30/500 Co-Codamol though.

TrailingWife · 16/09/2017 23:26

YANBU

I had 2 unplanned C-sections. I felt really bad about it for a long time, and comments of stupid people just made it worse.

Oddly, one of the things that helped was working on my family genealogy and seeing how many women in my family died during or shortly after giving birth, or from other fertility complications (one of my grandmothers bled to death from what was most likely a tubal pregnancy that ruptured).

People seem to forget that it really wasn't that long ago that women died from these things. Seeing that really helps put their ignorant comments into perspective. It doesn't get to me any more. Eventually, you'll get to the point that you just roll your eyes at them.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 16/09/2017 23:30

I have had VB and CS due to Breech baby. The plan originally was hypnobirthing, whale music but baby had other plans and wouldn't turn despite trying everything. The NCT lady made me feel like a complete failure in the classes and dismissed me when she found out I would have a CS. She told me and the rest of the class that I should still have a VB. Apparently I was being unfair towards the midwives as they wouldn't get to deliver a breech baby by VB, and I should let them try as they wouldn't have had this opportunity before.

DixieNormas · 16/09/2017 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbiBranning · 16/09/2017 23:36

My DS born by C-section, still feel guilty I didn't 'give birth', however given his position etc I wouldn't have him. Possibly not me either.

oldlaundbooth · 17/09/2017 01:38

Another wimp here with two sections.

Had various comments like do I feel I've missed out on giving birth naturally.... Well they were both breech so......?

Nod and smile.

oldlaundbooth · 17/09/2017 01:40

Apparently I was being unfair towards the midwives as they wouldn't get to deliver a breech baby by VB, and I should let them try as they wouldn't have had this opportunity before.

Yes, how uncharitable of you, golden Grin

oldlaundbooth · 17/09/2017 01:44

Re reaching and lifting child after a c section.

Imagine letting someone who has just had major surgery, a massive abdominal incision to care for a newborn. Imagine.

But that's the reality!

New mothers do not get enough help, it really is fend for yourself.

heresn0ddy · 17/09/2017 01:48

The people that judge are usually the twats who haven't actually experienced what they are judging.

Fuck em!

CatchingBabies · 17/09/2017 02:38

Those looking for the source of the long term health affects of c-section, look up microbirth there has been a lot of research and tests done by microbiologists. It's because the immune system isn't appropriately primed during a c-section therefore increasing the risk of allergies and illness throughout life. It's one of the reasons that allergies are on the increase.

That said c-sections save lives every single day and it's certainly not the easy option!

LiquoricePickle · 17/09/2017 02:58

I wish my c section was the laziest thing I'd ever done. Sadly, I'm a lot lazier than Kate.

VinIsGroot · 17/09/2017 03:43

I have 3 kids and done all I can to avoid a C-section...I've even had an ECV .. .don't do it . . It's not "uncomfortable"
Kids have to come out...either way !!!!!

Mermaid36 · 17/09/2017 04:15

I had my twins by emergency c-section at 26 weeks. I'm that lazy I didn't even bother with the last 3 months of pregnancy Hmm

If I hadn't have had the section, neither of my girls would have survived another 24hrs inside me. As it was they were under 800g each at birth and spent 4 months in NICU before coming home on oxygen.

Yup, very lazy of me...

whatwouldrondo · 17/09/2017 05:01

My impression was that the latest zeitgeist was that there should be less emphasis on doing things naturally, be it vaginal birth or breastfeeding lest it make those who could not or would not feel guilty. I find that pretty twisted to be honest. I certainly do not think that anyone who is unable or not willing to give birth naturally or breastfeed should be shamed for it and it is obviously right when it is the safest way, and right for mother and baby. However the fact remains that for the majority of women a natural birth and breastfeeding are usually going to be the easiest and safest options, though as someone above said still shit really, there is no easy way (and one of my births was only 40 mins but excruciating without the body having any chance to churn out any sort of natural means of coping with the pain, I shook uncontrollably with the shock).

heresn0ddy · 17/09/2017 05:46

there should be less emphasis on doing things naturally, be it vaginal birth or breastfeeding lest it make those who could not or would not feel guilty. I find that pretty twisted to be honest. I certainly do not think that anyone who is unable or not willing to give birth naturally or breastfeed should be shamed for it and it is obviously right when it is the safest way, and right for mother and baby. However the fact remains that for the majority of women a natural birth and breastfeeding are usually going to be the easiest and safest options,

The trouble is, many women can't help themselves ramming it in the faces of anyone who will listen. "Breast is best" "c section isn't natural" "formula isn't natural" "why wouldn't you even try to breastfeed?" Blah blah blah...

If everyone did their own thing, their way, and didn't concern themselves with how other women do it, there would be a lot less tension around these subjects.

I went to a mums and babies group with my month old baby last week. I was looking forward to possibly making friends, chatting about normal adult stuff, hot drink etc.
All anyone wanted to talk about debate heatedly was their labour, how they are feeding, who had it hardest etc. It's very fucking boring to keep going on about it and all it really achieves is making some women feel like crap at a time they may already feel sensitive.

Everyone has given birth whether it be vaginally or section.

Everyone feeds their baby whether it be formula or breast milk.

That's really all there is to it.

Magicnumbers · 17/09/2017 06:22

OP I agree, and even if it is a self-depreciating joke Kate Hudson made not aimed at others it is still insensitive and unhelpful. As other posters have said, why do women do this to each other?

Mermaid, that must have been bloody awful. How are they now, and how are you?

I had my twins at 28 weeks by ECS so they were in a better position but it was still weeks of touch and go, still deeply traumatic and still very painful physically. A 'friend' told me that not only was VB much more painful, I was lucky that I got time to recover from my operation with the babies in hospital, and chin up etc.

You definitely find out who your friends are with these things. No friend would make a stupid judgey comment about childbirth.

Sayyouwill · 17/09/2017 06:40

I actually have a different experience on this (sorry if it's been said further up).
I had a VB and I BF. I have had endless criticism from section mother's and ff mother's.
I've been criticised for 'bragging' in a group discussion about our birth stories- apparently I shouldn't have told mine as it made someone feel bad as they wanted a natural birth. I have been told that I don't understand how painful it was for them and if anything I took the easy way out and basically that I'm not allowed to say my birth was painful or hard.

Breastfeeding is apparently disgusting and I'm traumatising my kids by still offering the boob at 9 months