SDs dressing inappropriately

[Winosaurus]

I originally posted this on the step-parent board but posting here for traffic.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but today this has reached a new peak.
My DP has to DDs 12 and 8, they dress so inappropriately I'm sometimes lost for words. They both are wear a full face of make-up and clothes that barely cover their bodies and I'm really struggling with this for several reasons.

1. People look at them constantly when we go out because of how revealing their clothes are and I'm worried it'll attract the wrong attention and potentially put them in danger - particularly as 12yo is getting older.
2. My DD7 now wants to copy them which is causing issues and uncomfortable conversations to come up as I obviously won't let her dress this way but I also don't want to be critical of SDs or their mother for allowing them to dress this way (she buys most of their clothes)
3. I honestly find it embarrassing. When we are out as a group/family people automatically assume I'm their mum and I've had women in particular make remarks about how they are dressed.

I've talked to DP about this and pointed out not only the inappropriateness of their overall looks but also how it could put them in danger. He agrees with me and will occasionally ask SD8 to remove her make-up but overall he doesn't seem to see how wrong it is. I am not being mean about the girls, they are lovely but it's getting to the point where it's making me uncomfortable to be on outings with them when they have their bottom cheeks hanging out of their shorts or transparent crop-tops on. How can I get my partner to see it objectively?

shockers you've hit the nail on the head

mummy oh yes SD12 also has false nails

To be clear, I don't like the sound of the clothes and make up - not my thing at all. But this faux concern is ridiculous. Underneath all the hand wringing is the attitude that girls and women who 'sexualise' themselves are asking for assault/rape.

Poor kids

What do you intend to do about it?

I wouldn't like it either OP, but I think you just have to take a step back.

You aren't their parent and if their DM is encouraging it and their DF doesn't seem to notice unless prompted, then there's very little you can do.
However you can keep your own boundaries in place for your DD. I would tell her the reasons as well if she asks in front of DSDs. I wouldn't be frightened to tell her that make up looks ridiculous on 7yr olds ( and 8 yr olds by inference) because it does.

12 year old is harder. They all seem to wear it at a young age and watch all the online tutorials. My god daughter turned up on NYE looking like a kabuki actor due to too much pale make up and blending. She also wears crop tops and hideous clothing. My dear friend doesn't wear make up and dresses sensibly - no idea where it's come from. I think you need to leave the 12 year old alone.

Are there many 16 year old boys with unsupervised acess to your 12 year old??? The problem isn't with what the kids are wearing.

What amatree said. Op I totally agree with you. How awkward, especially as your own dd wants to copy them.
I think your DH needs to address it tho, not you.

You have to get DH on board.

You need a strong list of why it's not appropriate for the girls to be dressed like this at their ages.

Then he has to out his foot down.

You might not be able to influence what their mother chosen for them, but surely whilst in his responsibility they have a wardrobe more age-appropriate.

You wouldn't let them watch 18+ movies, drink booze in your house, I see this simply as an extension of that.

What a lot of hyperbole on this thread. No, clothes don't put you in danger (stupid comment really), but there is a time and place for wearing revealing clothing and old make-up and that's not when you're 12 or 8.

Why the disparaging and bandwagon-jumping remarks to the OP? Would you like it if your own child(ren) were to wear clothes like this? I wouldn't and I wouldn't be blithely letting them go out like that either.

Op I have dd 10+11and would not allow them to dress like hookers either - whatever anyone says.

A world where children are assaulted and raped and adults stand by thinking 'the clothes caused that' It's not just warped, it's idiotic

Don't be so idiotic. No one is saying the clothes caused it. If you want to have a feminism bun fight, start your own thread and leave the op to get some advice.

So in court it is perfectly acceptable for the man who raped an 8 year old to say 'she was wearing a short skirt and make up so she wanted to have sex with me'?

Yes, that's why I'm saying. Ffs. Is there some sock puppeting going on here.

I think there's also a nice big dose of seeing these clothes as being for sluts and sluts are worthless. It's a child with make up OP.

It's not faux concern it's genuine concern. A 12yo who is allowed to dress and act like a 16yo will inevitably attract attention from older boys who think she is older.
She is not old enough to consent to anything but what if they think she is because that is how she's allowed to present herself?

Of course clothes send out a message. Would you wear a pair of hotpants to work in an office? or to church? Would a lap dancer wear a burqa? You can be 100% sure none of the posters replying would let their 8 year old dd out like that. Make up at 8 and sexually provocative clothes will get the wrong attention. And yeah of course its the attention that is wrong but what kind of parent would knowingly allow their child to be exposed to that?

You don't seem to understand the term sock puppeting Bluntness.

Present herself as older I mean.
She's not emotionally mature enough to be able to effectively deal with the attention it can bring

Clothes don't put you in danger.

Agree.

OP is it that they want to attract the attention or do they just like the clothes? DD had a favourite skirt. She is also ridiculously tall for her age. In reality, she outgrew that skirt a year or so ago but she it's her favourite.

A face full of mascara on an 8yo? Seriously? Well, it sounds like she's just doing what girls do and experiment with makeup, boys do this too you know, I once caught my DS trying on my purple mascara! and she's probably copying her older sister who she appears to look up to.

YANBU. Some of the views on this thread are ridiculous.

Also it's not only about the appropriateness of the clothing. A girl in my DS year dresses much as the OP describes. Most of the kids in that year think she looks like a wally but older kids don't. So she's laughed at by her peers and attracting the attention of those that are too old for her.

Learning about what clothes are right for each situation is an important life lesson.

If your daughter wanted to wear gel nail, a spray tan, hot pants and a crop top Sparrow you'd be totally cool with that. Yeah, thought not. Stop being so fucking right on and ridiculous and offer some sensible advice.

Experimenting and playing with make up is fine, my DD does at home. But there's not a chance in hell I'd allow her to wear a full face outside of our home because it's not right. She is a child

I wouldn't want my DD dressing like this and in fact she wouldn't choose to (in part due to years of quiet brainwashing about gilding lillies and elegant being more eye memorable than sexy)

I'd be concerned about their self esteem and self image if they feel the need for full face make up at 8 yo.

Does their Mum dress that way? Are they echoing her style?

Clothes that make a 12 year old look 16 do help to get her into situations that she is not old enough for.

The OP has said nothing about the 12 year old being unsupervised - how can clothes 'get her into situations'??

By attracting attention of 16-18 year old guys that will invite her to house parties thinking she is 16???

Are you lot genuinely trying to say that you'd be fine if your 8 year old wore thongs and a full face of make up? Lol, as if. You'd tell them to get changed.

You don't seem to understand the term sock puppeting Bluntness

You also seem to think highly revealing clothes on young children is a good thing. You're wrong on both counts.

My 7 year old wears belly tops- she still looks 7. Any man/boy who gets turned on by a 7 or 8 year old in a belly top has a real problem.

If your daughter wanted to wear gel nail, a spray tan, hot pants and a crop top Sparrow you'd be totally cool with that. Yeah, thought not. Stop being so fucking right on and ridiculous and offer some sensible advice.

This