SDs dressing inappropriately

[Winosaurus]

I originally posted this on the step-parent board but posting here for traffic.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but today this has reached a new peak.
My DP has to DDs 12 and 8, they dress so inappropriately I'm sometimes lost for words. They both are wear a full face of make-up and clothes that barely cover their bodies and I'm really struggling with this for several reasons.

1. People look at them constantly when we go out because of how revealing their clothes are and I'm worried it'll attract the wrong attention and potentially put them in danger - particularly as 12yo is getting older.
2. My DD7 now wants to copy them which is causing issues and uncomfortable conversations to come up as I obviously won't let her dress this way but I also don't want to be critical of SDs or their mother for allowing them to dress this way (she buys most of their clothes)
3. I honestly find it embarrassing. When we are out as a group/family people automatically assume I'm their mum and I've had women in particular make remarks about how they are dressed.

I've talked to DP about this and pointed out not only the inappropriateness of their overall looks but also how it could put them in danger. He agrees with me and will occasionally ask SD8 to remove her make-up but overall he doesn't seem to see how wrong it is. I am not being mean about the girls, they are lovely but it's getting to the point where it's making me uncomfortable to be on outings with them when they have their bottom cheeks hanging out of their shorts or transparent crop-tops on. How can I get my partner to see it objectively?

I've seen full face of makeup on a 7 year old and it isnt great but more from a perspective of her own self image.

In terms of the dress, I do agree that clothes dnt put you in danger but they can be inappropriate for the person and circumstances.

sparrow they might be. How many rapists have introduced themselves as such?

I don't see anything wrong with helping children to understand what clothes are appropriate when. Some clothes are fine in one situation and not another. E.g. a bikini.
Fine on a beach not done in a job interview. Equally, some clothes are for adults some are not. E.g. a low cut body con dress, or suspenders.

Without knowing what the stepchildren are wearing we can't know but the sounds of it they arent going that extreme. but I don't agree with the notion that children shouldnt be taught about how to dress for the occasion.

The op has just said that 16 year old boys think she's older because of how she dresses, so it is having an effect.
Good god, what sort of mother would allow that?

If your partner agrees they are dressed inappropriately then he needs to buy them some suitable clothes for his home and tell them to wipe the make up off. Why isn't he stepping in? Does he not agree there is a problem?

'Clothes don't cause assault, I agree, but having children sexualised does'

Again, total nonsense. Why why why do people try to put the blame for assault anywhere on the perpetrator?? Children (and adults) are assaulted wearing every type of clothing there is. Clothes do not cause assault.

You can repeat clothes don't put you in danger as many times as you like. In fact I'll have a little bet that ever other poster will trot this out. It is a fact that men rape, not clothes.

It is also an incontrovertible fact that small/young children should not be allowed by their parents to dress in this way. It is ridiculous. It is inappropriate for their age, and it is taking them down a road of over-sexualisation that may impact them in many ways.

On a site obsessed with gender neutrality you'd think people would get where the OP was coming from.

Let's give her some useful suggestions on what to do.

'Good god, what sort of mother would allow that?'

The father appears to be allowing it too.

I'm horrified to be honest. Also it's dangerous to allow/encourage it at this age... what are they teaching them? They're beautiful anyway they don't need all of that on their faces particularly at their age
Mum even gave 12yo a spray tan recently

I'm not putting it on the victims but surely you can't accept that an 8 year old is ok with a full face of makeup. I see it all the time and it sickens me.

12 year olds are very often unsupervised.

stitchglitch yes he is! It's almost as if he's blind to it though, he sees them as his babies but I'm worried others won't

My dd is 9. This is highly inappropriate dressing. They're not mid teens plus. I'd not want to put my dd in harms way no more than I'd want my SD's dressing like this. If he won't listen, idk if I could stay with him for the sake of my child.

The only time my dd wears full face makeup is for dance shows. The only time she wears crop tops showing her belly is at gymnastics and I've bought the longer style so very little flesh shows. She doesn't own shorts that small.

You know what's warped? A world where children are assaulted and raped and adults stand by thinking 'the clothes caused that' It's not just warped, it's idiotic.

We can be all feminist about this

Oh for fuck's sake.

Yes. It's a big feminist conspiracy. The truth is that women have never been raped when wearing jeans, or jogging bottoms, or pyjamas. The only women who get raped are the ones who wear short skirts or shorts and make up. But those nasty feminists will persist in insisting that the peole actually responsible for rape are men and it doesn't matter what you are wearing because rape is never your fault. How very dare they stop us nice middle class women feeling safe because we know that nice girls who dress appropriately are not putting themselves in danger.

If you and your partner are not happy with how the girls are dressing, address it as parents, but don't kid yourself that you are doing it for any other reason than the fact that you believe that some women invite sexual assault by the way they dress and behave - which is basically what you've said here.

Safe guarding children is also making sure their attire cannot make them appear sexualised to others

So in court it is perfectly acceptable for the man who raped an 8 year old to say 'she was wearing a short skirt and make up so she wanted to have sex with me'?

Again, total nonsense. Why why why do people try to put the blame for assault anywhere on the perpetrator?? Children (and adults) are assaulted wearing every type of clothing there is. Clothes do not cause assault

We all know that, but It is SO much more complicated than that, and its not just about assault.

FGS, can people really not see the problem with very young girls trying to look much older and making other people think they are older? Would you want your 12 year old hanging around with 16 year olds who think she is more like their age?

The style they're going for seems quite old for their years and I suspect your worry is that they haven't yet acquired the emotional skills to cope with the attention it may garner from people who should know better.

I completely understand that, which is why I'm careful about the clothes my beautiful 18 yr old with the mind of a 6 year old wears. It shouldn't be this way, but I never want her to be in a situation where she's overwhelmed and goes along with something because she's polite and doesn't grasp the danger.

So in court it is perfectly acceptable for the man who raped an 8 year old to say 'she was wearing a short skirt and make up so she wanted to have sex with me'?

Don't be so fucking stupid and offensive.

The OP is right and there are too many irresponsible manufacturers of adult design clothes in childrens sizes as well. Once saw a Hooch logo on a cropped jumper designed for under tens, wtf

No this isn't about rape or victim blaming. But an 8 and 12 yo being allowed to dress like adults.
Their clothes are even inappropriate for the weather / setting even if they were 18+

I also don't think they should be dressing like this. Clothing is part of how we communicate. Since dressing like that is strongly associated with being older, and with being a sexual person -- not available to anyone, of course, but it suggests that you think of your body in a sexual way and wish to signal that to others. I don't think that this equates to "victim blaming" at all - we don't go around in a nun's habit or a bathing suit to the office (unless you are a nun) because these choices would not communicate the identity and judgement we want to communicate.

You need to have a serious talk with him op. There are some girls living in my street who are 8,10 and 12 who dress in revealing clothes and wear a full face of makeup. The boys have called them slags ( I'm not condoning them using that word) but people do judge.

next posters will b saying they have every right to go out in bras an knickers next

of course its not appropriate and its for parents to avise them of the dangers-some 12 year old are allowed out alone during the day with friends

Is it just the clothes OP or is something else going on with the girls and their homelife?

Spray tan. Very young. A girl at dds school had white blonde highlights in her mid brown hair in yr6. Then she got massive false purple sparkly gel nails at the end of the school year.

WHY??