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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

573 replies

sharond101 · 14/09/2017 21:52

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

OP posts:
Expemsiveuniform · 14/09/2017 22:49

I'm with piglet. A sore tummy is the standard excuse for doesn't want to go to school. He could be anxious or he could just know that he was way out of order and not want to go back.

It was an awful thing he did and i am shocked you aren't more concerned about the wee girl tbh.

Sayyouwill · 14/09/2017 22:50

@FlyingGiraffeBox or he said he has a stomach ache in order to avoid going into school where he very recently was told off and punished which he didn't like?
Far more likely than he suffered so badly with anxiety

SadTrombone · 14/09/2017 22:50

Hope you have reinforced how wrong what he did was, OP?

emmyrose2000 · 14/09/2017 22:50

He has only been at school 2 weeks, don't think will boost his confidence

I'm sure having her pants pulled down at school hasn't boosted the little girl's confidence either. Having a picture thrown in the bin pales considerably in comparison to that.

If my son had done this I'd be beyond mortified and angry. The drawing would be the least of his problems. If my daughter (or son) was the victim of this behaviour I'd be beyond livid.

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 22:51

One punishment is enough. Dragging it out over 2 days and throwing away his work isnt.

When op asks what happened and what the teacher did then she will be better able to judge. As will everyone on here many who are confusing a boy in his 2nd week at school with an adult. Kids dont see clothes in the same way adults do, it wasnt sexual, it was a prank. Nobody is saying its ok to do it again but everyone is entitled to a misteak especially a 5 yr old. he has been punished, been told why its wrong and not to do it again, done.

kittybiscuits · 14/09/2017 22:51

I wouldn't be getting caught up in a sideshow about why his picture got thrown away. I would be being very clear how bad his actions were and making sure he knew he was in the wrong. I would avoid at all costs anything that could be viewed as trying to make him the victim of the situation.

scottishdiem · 14/09/2017 22:51

Not sure having her pants pulled down will boost the confidence of the 5 year old girl to be honest.

I think you need to be more robust and resilient and accept that when the line is well and truly crossed that punishments like this are needed.

Wolfiefan · 14/09/2017 22:52

If he had done this to my daughter I would be bloody livid.
I'm amazed the school didn't speak to you. Maybe the teacher did leave the room. Maybe he was supposed to be doing something other than drawing and that's why it was thrown away.
The issue here is his behaviour. It is unacceptable. I would support the school in the sanctions they put in place.
And someone told him to do it? Lame excuse. He did it. He is responsible.
You're worried about his confidence being dented? What about that of the poor girl who ended up exposed at school because of his unacceptable behaviour. She's the one who deserves your sympathy.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 14/09/2017 22:53

5 yr olds know about private parts and that no-one has the right to interfere with them (I would hope). It's not a 2 yr old we are talking about here who couldn't really be held responsible.

Sayyouwill · 14/09/2017 22:53

@SadTrombone I've noticed the OP has refused to answer that question in her replied

liverbird10 · 14/09/2017 22:54

Good grief. Poor lass. (The girl in class, obviously.)

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 14/09/2017 22:54

Piglet. The teacher has put in place punishments that most feel are OTT for that age. The child has been left rightly or wrongly that they were left alone for a period of time ( which at that age could be very traumatic). She has failed to inform the boys parents of the incident and punishment leaving a very young child who has obviously been left very upset by the experience to explain it to his parents ( who the fuck thinks that's appropriate?) so no I don't think the teacher had the skills to teach 5 year olds. Obviously what he did was wrong but I think the teacher's actions have greatly hindered the parents ability to address the issue. Basically the teacher has completely fucked up
The appropriate handling of the situation

Armadillostoes · 14/09/2017 22:54

This is a 5 year old child who did something deeply inappropriate which needed to be corrected, but the level of venom some posters are displaying says more about them than it does him or the OP.

As for the idea of going up to the parent of a child who did this 'raging' that is appalling behaviour. There are many reasons why this might have happened, but going up aggressively to the other parent is just not appropriate or helpful. And if done in the playground a shocking example to show the children.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 14/09/2017 22:55

We don't KNOW how the teacher has handled the situation. We have the account of a 5yr old who is trying to keep himself out of further trouble!

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 22:56

mistake even!

Expemsiveuniform · 14/09/2017 22:57

I would expect the school to have told me that my child pulled someone else's pants down.

Did they not communicate with you over this at all?

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 22:57

I dont think "most" people do think that, Iwant

Some do, some don't.

misshelena · 14/09/2017 22:57

I agree it was wrong what he did and I'd be mad if I was the little girl's parents

I am relieved that you, OP, thought what DS did was wrong. Yes of course the girl's parents are mad, but not you? You are not mad at your DS? Oh, of course not, you thought he is not to blame, it was the fault of this other boy who "told DS to pull down the pants of the girl". Yes, your little snowflake is never at fault. He too is a victim.

emmyrose2000 · 14/09/2017 22:58

I'd be very surprised if he had been left unattended. Just because he couldn't see an adult/teacher doesn't mean one couldn't see him.

OP, stop focusing on the drawing. It's irrelevant. Start focusing on why your child thinks it was okay to pull down another child's knickers. If ever there was a time to implement a rule about never touching other people without their permission, this is it.

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2017 22:59

The thing is, some things can be learnt on a gradual learning curve - sharing, taking turns, putting your hand up, chewing with your mouth shut. Other things - running into the road, hitting, pulling another child's pants down - you need to learn really fast are unacceptable. Just explaining calmly that something is unacceptable rarely achieves that instant success.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 22:59

Piglet. The teacher has put in place punishments that most feel are OTT for that age. The child has been left rightly or wrongly that they were left alone for a period of time ( which at that age could be very traumatic).

According to the child. We don't actually know if it's the case.

The little girl who has forceably had her pants pulled down could quite easily be traumatised too, but you dont mention that.

Osolea · 14/09/2017 22:59

It's possible that he's assumed the picture was going in the bin because he wasn't allowed to keep it. I can understand the teacher not letting the picture drawing turn into something that was fun for him or that he'd end up with praise for at home.

Lots of children that age would love to stay in the classroom and draw while everyone else was made to go outside, the teacher would have had to make sure it stayed a punishment and didn't become a treat.

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 23:00

And to have a child scared to go to school after the punishment is a bit worrying.

Its not about him getting out of trouble its about him finding the teacher shouts a lot and puts his work in the bin..its not unusual for kids to be nervous in a busy classroom with a teacher who shouts to be heard. Its scary if they arent used to it. I used to be bullied at school and I had frequent 'stomach aches' to try to get out of going to school. People are projecting so much cunning and premeditation onto a 5 yr old its quite scary.

misshelena · 14/09/2017 23:00

It was OTT to throw his picture into the bin but in view of what he did, I would focus on that more than anything else

Exactly. If it were my DS, he'd be punished above and beyond what the teacher did. Unacceptable. Not even for a special snowflake.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 14/09/2017 23:01

What was your son supposed to be doing when he was kept in during break-time? Was he supposed to be drawing pictures, or had he been told to do something else?

Quite frankly though, I doubt seeing his picture thrown away will dent his confidence as much as he has dented the little girl's confidence.

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