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Original poster

Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

573 replies

sharond101 · 14/09/2017 21:52

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

OP posts:
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 14/09/2017 22:28

I currently work with 50 year 1s. I can't imagine a single one / or pair of them ganging up on a 5 year old girl and pulling her knickers down.

This is a BIG DEAL.

Putting a picture in thin bin is not as nearly as big a deal.

I have 3 girls. They have all been through reception and Year 1. I cannot imagine my feelings if that had happened to them.

Chestervase1 · 14/09/2017 22:29

I dont have a daughter but I would be raging if another child had done this to her. Do her parents know?

junebirthdaygirl · 14/09/2017 22:29

When a child has just started school they need to be taught right from wrong l believe as a teacher. So as teachers above said this was the learning opportunity and from then on punishment. I know its very upsetting for other child but he doesn't know this completely so needs it to be explained. Its different if the child is older.
I hope he wasn't left alone in an empty classroom and throwing his picture away in front of him was unnecessary and cruel.

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 22:31

It's September 14th. This little boys birthday could be between September 1 and today but more likely he's Year 1.

Wolftigersnailxxx · 14/09/2017 22:31

And yes the incident is serious but if he did after being told he clearly doesn't understand the implications...

I've taught this age group and even though they are school age they are so young. Things like this do happen and the kids have no idea. It's like some of the kids in my class would get changed completely starkers. We had to gently remind them not
to remove underwear to get changed.

MrLovebucket · 14/09/2017 22:33

OP can I clarify that everything you have relayed is based solely on information from your 5 year old? A child who knows he has done wrong and may be seeking to minimise/scatter blame? A child who may have pulled down that girl's knickers of his own accord, not due to being encouraged to do so by someone else? A child who may think he'll get sympathy by saying the nasty teacher threw his picture away?

Have you even spoken to the teacher or anyone at the school?

I remember a thread a while ago when a child claimed the teacher had thrown their picture away. Imagine the parent's surprise when they went to an open evening and there was the picture taking pride of place in the main display.

Newsflash: children sometimes lie to get out of another bollocking when they know they've done something wrong.

RebelRogue · 14/09/2017 22:34

if he did after being told he clearly doesn't understand the implications...

Or he did it because it would be oh so funny .

ForgetAboutSleep · 14/09/2017 22:35

As a teacher I agree with the cloud (or whatever classroom behaviour management is in place) and missing one break, however that break would have been spent with me so that I could see whether he understood why what he did was wrong and if he didn't so that I could explain it to him.
2 breaktimes is not ok.... new day = better day

Original poster
sharond101 · 14/09/2017 22:36

I think I want to ask the school there interpretation of what happened and ask why I wasn't informed about it. I'd also like to check out why (or if) he was supervised in time out and why the picture was thrown away.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/09/2017 22:36

Unless she was stood there passively with her knickers on show, he'd at least have had to reach up under her skirt willow. Or maybe she was resisting, or telling him not to. Or maybe she was just happily playing and minding her own business - and wham.

And yes, I do remember being at school and putting up with this sort of "game" for years, because "boys will be boys and girls feelings aren't very important ". Things are better now.

Armadillostoes · 14/09/2017 22:37

The punishment sounds OTT for a 5 year old who had been at school for 2 weeks. He wouldn't have had any clue as to why the behaviour was so serious. Suggesting that it was designed to hurt or humiliate suggests a degree of understanding and empathy which most children of that age don't have. They are still learning that other people have feelings and that what is funny in a cartoon isn't always funny in real life.

Why not talk to the teacher about what happened and what sanction was imposed? Getting a straight sorry from an upset child of 5 is hard going. Hearing the teacher's.version will make it possible to decide how best to respond.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 14/09/2017 22:37

Firstly he's 5 and unlikely to understand what he has done is so wrong, as in any different to pulling say a coat off a child, i.e. It's wrong but not likely to have any sexual connotation. I would think hat explaining why it was so wrong in an age appropriate way would be enough to stop it happening again, followed by an apology from the little boy to the girl. Leaving a 5 year old alone or even letting them think they were left alone is not ok. Many 5year olds would panic in these situations. As for throwing a 5 year olds picture in the bin is disgusting. Once again people are treating 5 year olds like mini adults. I don't think this teacher has the appropriate understanding or skills to deal with 5 year olds. The inappropriate apparent or actual desertion of a very small child is far worse than what your son did. I would be straight to the head in the morning. The inappropriate punishment will prob hinder you being able to appropriately deal with your son at home

mypoornips · 14/09/2017 22:39

Incan also remember being chased around the playground by a group of boys trying to pull my pats down. Deeply unpleasant. Pleased they come down hard on it now. Poor girl. And yes, there would have been some level of man handling.

PidgeonSpray · 14/09/2017 22:40

Wow. Punishment was fair but weird throwing his picture in the bin (maybe it was an inappropriate pic?)

How have you punished him at home? Did he understand when you explained why what he did was wrong?

You Can't cry off sick to avoid punishment when you've done something wrong

Sayyouwill · 14/09/2017 22:41

Sorry but if he did this to my little girl I'd have been absolutely raging and probably complained directly to you. If you responded to me like you are responding on here, our discussion would have escalated quickly.
How dare he humiliate a little girl like that?! And you're upset that he had to sit alone for an hour or so? Hardly receiving and discipline from you then is he?

What exactly have you done to deal with this awful situation? I hope you've taken him round the little girls house to apologise in person to her?

Ttbb · 14/09/2017 22:42

Yes, she went too far.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 22:42

I don't think this teacher has the appropriate understanding or skills to deal with 5 year olds

I think you are making huge assumptions.

RebelRogue · 14/09/2017 22:43

Of a kid does not know the difference between a coat and knickers being pulled down, then they are very vulnerable. Just sayin'

Expemsiveuniform · 14/09/2017 22:43

What are you doing about the fact he pulled a little girl's pants down?

ginswinger · 14/09/2017 22:43

I use the 'will he do it again' test for punishments. Not ideal but hopefully one spot of heavy discipline will put him right for the rest of the year. Don't mess with the teacher, break the rules or invade other children's private parts. I would see it as the teachers doing your kid a favour.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 14/09/2017 22:45

I think if a child is having physical anxiety symptoms like a stomach ache over going back to school, that is a fairly clear sign that a punishment went too far.

There are posters on here acting horrified by his behaviour as if he's practically a sex offender. That is ridiculous. He is still learning what is ok and what isn't. He's been told this is not acceptable- as has, importantly, the girl (who now knows that boy pulling your pants down = bad = boy will be punished, which is a good thing). That's what school is for, to teach children how to behave in the world. But being shocked and appalled that small children don't necessarily know this stuff already is putting unrealistic expectations on them.

And making them scared to return to school is not discipline. It's cruelty. And isn't going to teach him that he's done wrong. Children's minds don't work like that. All he'll associate with this event now is that his teacher is mean and he doesn't like school.

Dustbunny1900 · 14/09/2017 22:45

My five year old nephew had his pants pulled down by his "friend" and I can tell you it was a huge deal for him.
I'd be more concerned about my son forcibly pulling someone's pants off than having a picture thrown away (which I agree was out of order if it happened). I don't agree with how they handled it, but nipping that behaviour in the bud NOW would be my primary concern.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 14/09/2017 22:46

Whar exactly did he say happened about the picture. Was it screwed up in front of his face and put in the bin due to what he had done or was it accidentally thrown away during tidying up and he saw. I think it's highly unlikely to be the first.
I agree with others that your priority should be the fact your child has put his hand up a girls skirt and pulled their underwear down. At 5 he should know that is wrong.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 22:48

I think if a child is having physical anxiety symptoms like a stomach ache over going back to school, that is a fairly clear sign that a punishment went too far.

Or that he knows he did something very wrong.

How about the little girl in all this?

Mittens1969 · 14/09/2017 22:48

Speaking as a mum of 2 DDs, I would be very upset if a boy in their class pulled their knickers down. It's really not OK. And I've never heard of anything like it in the years they have been to school. I'm concerned about the fact that you seem to be minimising it tbh.

What is odd is that the school haven't mentioned it. I've found that my DDs' teachers tell me if they've done something out of line, so I'm surprised you've only had his version of events.

It was OTT to throw his picture into the bin but in view of what he did, I would focus on that more than anything else.