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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

573 replies

sharond101 · 14/09/2017 21:52

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 13:51

But that's the point, the OP didn't know what had happened! The imaginations of various posters went absolutely wild because of the lack of detail.

All we have is the account given by a 5 year old boy as the teacher didn't talk to his mum. We don't know anything really.

We're all going round in circles!!!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 14:00

Well yes we can only have the account of a 5 yr old but it's highly unlikely imo that he is pretending to have pulled down the girls pants. He may well be pretending that someone told him to do it though and exaggerating the consequences he received. I've worked in a lot of schools and can't say I've ever come across any demon teachers who gleefully rip up children's drawings as punishment so I find that part very hard to believe.

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 14:02

Ok then why didn't the teacher tell his mum??? Since you seem to be such a know-it-all, perhaps you can explain that one. If she hadn't teased the story out of him she would be none the wiser, would she???

Mema79 · 20/09/2017 14:04

i think the first part was strong but understandable but to throw his picture in the bin and leave him unsupervised at that age is very wrong and you should definitely make a complaint about that

Littlebitshort · 20/09/2017 14:11

Mum of a dd here who had this done to her in year 1 and yes i was very cross. Had a meeting with teacher who promised she would sort the issue out by having a word with the boy. No punishment was given and only a quick quiet word was given. Not sure if the other parents were informed as i do not communicate with them. Cant say i was impressed and did not want to drag out the situation. My dd learned to stay away from 'the naughty boys' (her words) and has not had any issues since...although i feel his behaviour should change not my dd! At age 5 children DO know about private parts and are aware how to behave in the classroom.
OP if you think the punishment was harsh then how do you suppose he learns what he does was wrong? So he felt awful after a telling off.....isnt that kind of the point of punishment?

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 14:20

@Littlebitshort, it may not be all that unusual, from what's been said on here. DD2 is 5 and in year 1. She constantly talks about boys being 'naughty' and not liking them. I think they egg each other on.

Sorry to hear about your DD, I'd hate to think about one of my DDs having that done to her. I hope they would have told the boy's parents, as they can reinforce the message at home. Flowers

Wheresmytaco · 20/09/2017 14:27

If it were my dd and the teacher didn't come down on your son like a ton of bricks I'd send her in with permission to teach your son a lesson.

So there is that

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 14:44

You know we're all wasting our time on this? The OP isn't coming back, she hasn't been since very early on in the thread. Thankfully, this hasn't happened to my DDs, but if it did, I would want to know that the boy (or boys, I think it probably was a dare) had been spoken to strongly and there had been some consequence.

But no, I wouldn't want them to 'teach him a lesson'. 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 15:10

Also, I was bullied at school. My bullies were never punished. But I was, if I ever hit back. So that's another reason why it wouldn't be a good idea for your DD to 'teach him a lesson'.

Lozen · 20/09/2017 15:36

wheresmytaco if your dd came and "taught my son a lesson" on your say so I'd come in and teach you a lesson. Hold on I wouldn't because I'm a reasonable person who would act like a responsible adult.

Seriously mittens I agree with you, it's pointless going round in circles. Some people are content to think the child is the son of Satan and are frothing at the mouth with outrage.

The hysteria would be funny if it weren't so, well, pathetic.

To the OP, please ignore the OTT and vile posts. If you have explained to your ds why he was wrong to do what he did you're on the right track. I would certainly in no uncertain terms tell the school how angry you are about their lack of communication. How on earth are you supposed to deal with the matter if they haven't told you about the incident. I would also be asking about the picture and querying the supervision. It's pointless punishing a child if that punishment isn't partnered with an explanation as to why they are being punished i.e. why touching another child in this way is wrong.

Lozen · 20/09/2017 15:46

Sorry you were bullied mittens so was I and it was horrible. It's hard to know how to tell a child how to handle it and yes it can sometimes make the situation worst if they retaliate. It can also turn that bullied child into a child that becomes a bully themselves. It's a difficult situation all round.

Wheresmytaco · 20/09/2017 16:19

I don't think it's at all unreasonable for a girl to make sure she knows her body is her own and that she has every right to prevent further unwanted contact. It's a lesson my daughter has been taught and I've got no fucks to give to those who see a girl fighting back as a "second wrong".

3EyedRaven · 20/09/2017 16:25

Ooh, we're getting in to 'hitting back' territory now.
I'm all for telling kids to hit back, btw, if the teachers aren't doing anythingz

3EyedRaven · 20/09/2017 16:26

Random z there.

randomer · 20/09/2017 16:28

Is bullying not a sustained repeated attack.... Not a 5 year old who does something daft

Wheresmytaco · 20/09/2017 16:39

Thought you were just down with the kidz

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 16:41

@Wheresmytaco, I'm a SA survivor so I'm not the person to attack on this subject. But acting like this boy is a sex pervert is ridiculous, he's 5!! And of course there needs to be consequences, but also explanation and communication with the parents. None of this happened.

My concern about hitting back is partly that your DD might get in trouble! I was when I hit back as a child. No, you let the adults deal with it.

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 16:43

But yes, it's right that a little girl should know that her body is her own. I wish someone had told me that when I was growing up. Now I make sure my DDs do know that.

roundaboutthetown · 20/09/2017 16:57

Since the girl told the teacher what had happened, it seems likely she is perfectly well aware whose body it is andnwhat is inappropriate behaviour, and feels able to stand up for herself. If the school is unaware of such incidents having occurred until the victims report them, leaves children unsupervised in classrooms, fails to inform parents of serious incidents and punishes children in ways that mean they do not connect the punishment with their bad behaviour, or learn anything other than that their teacher dislikes them, then the school needs an Ofsted inspection focusing on safeguarding...

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 17:06

I've no idea why the teacher didn't tell the op. There could be safeguarding concerns about his home life which prevented it for all we know!

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 17:10

roundaboutthetown, I quite agree. I think she's maybe young and a bit embarrassed? I would be very concerned about that aspect of this episode particularly, if it was one of my DDs involved. I hope it's not a common failure of communication in schools, worrying if we're relying on the accounts of 5 year olds! Was the episode even logged?

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 17:18

@CorbynsBumFlannel, again that doesn't make sense. They would still tell the parents about the incident. There would be no reason not to, and it would have been obvious that the parents would find out anyway. I've always been told if one of my DDs have misbehaved (thankfully not often).

But this is all speculation. We're speculating on all of this, what are we all hoping to gain by criticising an op and a teacher when we don't really have a clue what happened?

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 17:19

@Lozen, thank you for your kind words. Sorry for what you went through as well. Flowers

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 17:23

They don't have to tell the parents about any incident that they think would compromise the child's safety. I'm not saying it is the case but it could be for all we know.

Mittens1969 · 20/09/2017 17:30

I think that only happens if SS/police are involved. It makes sense if SS are planning to take the child into care. But when that's not the case, the parents are going to find out from the child and a skewed account. So surely that just doesn't make sense?

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