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Original poster

Is this unreasonable punishment from Teacher of 5 year old?

573 replies

sharond101 · 14/09/2017 21:52

DS is 5. He has never been in trouble before, not really but there was incident at school yesterday and a boy told him to pull down a little girl's pants which he did and she told the Teacher. He had his picture put on a dark cloud on the wall and given Time Out which meant yesterday and today he spent playtime in the class without adult supervision drawing pictures whilst the other children played outdoors. What has really annoyed me though is that when the Teacher returned after breaktime she took his picture off him and put it in the bin. He is very upset. Says he doesn't want to go to school and that she (teacher) shouts all the time.

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 14/09/2017 22:09

Actually, what he did was really naughty, surely he knows not to ever do that to someone?

I think I'd be upset if my child did that and I'd focus on that rather than his picture being put in the bin.

Original poster
sharond101 · 14/09/2017 22:10

I don't think throwing the drawing in the bin would boost his confidence is what I meant. He drew a picture of him playing in the playground. He didn't come home and tell me all this. He has been quiet last night and cried about going this morning as he said he had a sore tummy. Tonight he was really quiet again and it had to be teased out of him. I agree it is wrong and that he deserved punishment but I don't think it's right to leave him alone in the classroom and to throw the picture in the bin.

OP posts:
Anasnake · 14/09/2017 22:11

He pulled down a little girl's pants ?? How are you dealing with that ?

MrsJamesAspey · 14/09/2017 22:11

It was s bit harsh but I doubt he'll ever do that to a girl again, so the punishment should work.

I wouldn't dwell in it, he's 5 and just started school so there's going to be loads of new experiences and this will soon be a distant memory for him.

Just look forward to reminding him about it when he's a teenager though

tellmyfriendsiminlove · 14/09/2017 22:12

Don't be so soft.

Iloveanimals · 14/09/2017 22:13

Teacher here. Certainly needs to be corrected, his behaviour was wrong. But, throwing his picture away was cruel.

MrLovebucket · 14/09/2017 22:14

Are you sure she threw his picture in the bin? Is there a chance he's trying to minimise his own actions by claiming the teacher did something horrible to him?

Speak to the school and get their side of the story.

Oh, and use the NSPCC 'underwear' campaign to make him realise he can't go round pulling knickers down even if his friends encourage him to.

Hellenbach · 14/09/2017 22:14

The school will have a behaviour policy, take a look and see if this is in line with it.
Punishments over 2 days at this age are not appropriate.

It is a safeguarding incident (whatever the intention) and the school will have to log it.

Don't make a bigger deal out of it to your son, he has been punished.

user1483390742 · 14/09/2017 22:15

Leave it alone. It has been dealt with and although putting his picture in the bin was mean, just move on.
Parents spend too much time 'complaining' to schools about stuff they don't need to get involved in.. that's partly why we now have a generation who do whatever they want at school, knowing that they can get away with anything because 'they will get their mum/dad' down to moan/ make a scene.. controversial...

opheliacat · 14/09/2017 22:15

If it was my DS I would say to him

"Listen, DS, it is a shame about your picture, but Mrs Smith will have been disappointed in your behaviour. Do you understand that Mrs Smith has to keep everybody happy and your behaviour made lucy upset? Good. I know you are a kind boy. Mrs Smith knows that too. Tomorrow, say sorry to Lucy and Mrs Smith and show her how lovely you are normally."

Then give him a hug and move on.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 14/09/2017 22:16

He's 5, and another child told him to do it. I was in this situation on my first day of school- another child told me to go and knock down another child's tower so I did. No, I didn't know it was wrong, or think about the feelings of the other child, because I was 5. People expecting an adult level of empathy and understanding of wider social implications from a child that young are being a bit unrealistic.

Yes, the teacher should absolutely have told him off and made it clear what he did was wrong- teaching social skills and right from wrong is the most important part of teaching at that age.

Being cruel is not. And throwing away a child's drawing is cruel and is not going to teach him anything about acceptable behaviour.

nuttyknitter · 14/09/2017 22:16

As a former teacher I feel this teacher's reaction and punishments are completely over the top. At 5, how is he supposed to know that what he did is wrong? For a 'first offence' I'd explain why it was an unkind thing to do and expect him not to do it again. To keep him in at playtimes is an overreaction if he's never done this before and throwing away his drawing is plain cruel.

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2017 22:18

Sounds like he has a little too much confidence tbh. He must have really manhandled that little girls to get hold of her pants. Sad I would be extremely angry at either of my sons if they'd done something like this at that age - and doubly so if they said they'd done it "because someone told them too". Hopefully the teacher's actions will underline how badly he's behaved (I wouldn't have binned his picture personally but I'd not be particularly sympathetic to his upset either). He's not the victim here. Missing one playtime is quite a minor punishment really.

Threenme · 14/09/2017 22:18

Totally agree flying and nutty

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 22:19

The throwing of the picture in the bin was just spiteful and served no purpose other than to tell him he was being punished twice. Also that his efforts to draw were not worth anything buit the bin. He was drawing himself playing in the playground, binning the picture just emphasised that he wasnt, bit harsh.

He is 5, he is still learning not to do go along with others just because they say so.
Did the boy who told him to do get punished to? After all it was his idea and I am sure by getting your son to do it he knew he would get into trouble over it. Maybe he has before and used your son?

A good chat about privacy/pants rule and how not to follow what others tell you to do and thats an end of it.

I would be asking the teacher why she threw the drawing in the bin though.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 14/09/2017 22:20

Did the teacher tell you about the incident?

My dd was unfortunately the victim of a similar incident a few years ago although the children were slightly older (7yo) the school dealt with it very seriously.

That said I think for the teacher to chuck someones picture in the bin is really mean, the punishment was to miss playtime and to keep on punishing is unfair. I would have a word with his teacher.

Luckyaide · 14/09/2017 22:21

Yep also with flying & nutty

Topseyt · 14/09/2017 22:24

I would have limited sympathy with him to be honest.

He humiliated the little girl. Yes, he is only 5, he did it as a joke/dare and to him he thought he was playing, but it is absolutely NOT OK. Hopefully he has learned that, but I would actually be concentrating on reinforcing that lesson at home, not fussing about what happened to his drawing.

I guess it would have been better to just take the drawings from him and set them aside with little attention, binning them when he wasn't there.

Not worth making a fuss about IMHO. Anyway, you only have the word of a five year old that that is really what happened.

Beeziekn33ze · 14/09/2017 22:24

OP Have you asked the teacher about what happened? Just calmly say can you have a word when she's not busy.
Some schools now prefer parents to speak first to the head teacher rather than directly to the teacher.
Either way make it clear you understand that he needed to be published, that you have spoken to him about it and told him not to do it again.
TBH by Monday he'll probably be happily playing in the playgound again. Keep an eye on his friendship with 'that boy' however!

Francesca14 · 14/09/2017 22:25

It's wrong. He's 5.
Playtime for 5 year olds should be treated like lunch, his body needs the physical activity and it shouldn't have been taken from him.
The teacher should be educating, explaining to him why it's wrong.
Throwing the picture shows she's taken personal offence, she's gone too far and it's not right.
I know plenty of 5 year olds (boys and girls) who have done similar things being playful not malicious. 5 is so young.

RebelRogue · 14/09/2017 22:25

If he really was left with no supervision, that is not on .
The drawing thing was mean, but there could be some explanation for this and not the end of the world.
I would not be happy with not being informed about what happened, and that's actually what I'd really talk to the teacher about. You can't deal with things if you are not told, and if the incident was considered serious enough to have that punishment, then it was serious enough to inform the parent.

Something similar happened to DD as the victim . She cried as well, her confidence was knocked, will not play with that boy anymore and always comments how she's happy he doesn't sit next to her anymore(after being good friends)and refused to wear trousers for months(incident involved trousers) . They might be five, but it's not easily dismissed.

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 22:25

BarbarianMum

"Manhandled the girl" really? How do you know you werent there.

Girl wearing a flimsy dress or skirt and no tights if it was warm just a quick pull would have pulled them down, cant you remember being at school?

He is 5 not 15, he is just strting out at school and finding his way in his peer group. I doubt he will ever do it again but give me a break, he isnt going to turn out to be a sex pest. Half the boys at my school used to try this at primary (back in the middle ages) and none of them did.

Mrsmadevans · 14/09/2017 22:27

I am shocked tbh him doing that to the little girl.
It was cruel of the teacher to take the picture off him but I think if I were you I would be worried about his behaviour more than the teacher putting the picture in the bin.

Wolftigersnailxxx · 14/09/2017 22:28

He needed a punishment but surely one break would have done it... he is five. One break should be enough. Punishing the next day seems a bit much for a five year old, especially as they have very much moved on by then. My DS's school don't carry on punishments until then next day in the first year. They have a policy of 'starting the new day fresh.'

fakenamefornow · 14/09/2017 22:28

I think I'd be more concerned/upset about him pulling a little girls pants down if I were you.