To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!

[DesperateButNotAHousewife]

So.. I work in a customer facing job where I deal with many customers in one day, taking their car keys, handing them back once the work is done etc etc.

Today a lady came in who lets just say I found a little bit... strange. She randomly came out with "you have white on your nose... do you know!" In let's just say a not very nice manner. It wasn't in the manner of a woman looking out for another woman. It was bitchy. I said yes I know, it's highlighter. (I always put a tiny bit on the tip of my nose. It's a feature I'm now proud of since having a rhinoplasty last year.) and it didn't look white .. no one else said it was noticeable. Then she said.. "yes... it's white.."

Like what the fuck?! I saw her grey roots poking through her horrendous period blood coloured home dye job but I didn't say fuck all. You shouldn't comment on people's appearance.. it's rude :)

I do not disagree @MerchantofVenice but fortunately you do not police these threads to decide who gets to comment or what they say.
She posted on AIBU. I feel she was being unreasonable and have explained why. Have you never said something with a slightly blunter tone than you intended? Or snapped something instead of saying it in a nicer manner?
Shit happens. OP chose to wear makeup to draw attention to her nose and she certainly got attention. OP may have felt that it was rude as it embarrassed her. Clearly she thought she was good at using highlighter. So she has reacted online, which fortunately for her, means she can embellish as much as she likes and people like you will read her post as gospel.

I must say I do often read posts and recognise the other point/s of view - in fact I can here to an extent, the woman was probably a bit socially awkward and irritable - but I can totally imagine this scenario as OP described it!

OP, I'll take your word for it that the woman was tactless, so if that's the case, yes, her telling you that your nose looked white was impolite.

All those other people who assured you it wasn't noticeable? They were trying to be polite. Not necessarily telling you the truth.

I once had a customer come into the shop I worked in and ask me 'Are pregnant or are you fat?' To which I replied 'Both', she was taken aback at this and proceeded to ask 'Well, have you got a husband or a boyfriend?'To which I replied again 'Both', as I had split from my H a year and half previously, not been able to afford a divorce and met DP.

Again, she was stunned, but kept on about how lovely I was but would be so much improved if I was not so fat. In the end the manageress stepped in and threw her out.

People really do think (wrongly) that because you are serving them, they have a right to comment on you personally! YANBU!!

Starting your post with 'fuck sake' doesn't automatically lend weight to your point...

Has it occurred to you that OP is fairly likely to have checked her appearance soon after highlighter-gate? Presumably, she found that all was as she intended (ie not like a belisha beacon). So the difference of opinion is just that - a different view of what looks good.

Let's give the customer the benefit of the doubt and imagine she genuinely believed it was an error, and also that she is unable to speak pleasantly. Ok.

But she was wrong. OP was upset. Customer was not in fact rectifying a mistake.

Luckily, all that happened was that a make-up obsessed, over-sensitive woman was taken down a peg or two (which is only right, of course, given that she is VAIN and uses HIGHLIGHTER) She could easily have been suffering from a skin disorder...

So, the moral is just what OP stated - that you shouldn't fucking comment on a stranger's appearance.

@MerchantofVenice I think you've taken this thread too much to heart.
Maybe she does have some awful skin disorder and makeup is the only way she has the confidence to leave the house in the morning, of any other number of sob stories you want to create to defend the poor woman. Or maybe she just likes wearing makeup? I'm sure most of us on here do. But she was trying to draw attention to her nose. And attention she did receive!

This thread is hilarious.

I didn't say "mwahahahaha, been doing some rainbow kissing Gloria?"

Questioning the way events took place is pretty normal discourse for MN.

It is entirely possible that the woman wasn't being rude at all. It's not disbelieving anyone to offer alternative possibilities.

This place would get very boring very quickly if discussions were limited to 'I couldn't possibly disagree with you because I wasn't there'.

She could easily have been suffering from a skin disorder...

But she wasn't.

I'm not a dermatologist but I've never known a skin disorder that makes the tip of your nose white and glittery.

You do seem overinvested in defending the OP. Maybe you share her penchant for shiny nose tips and are taking offence on that basis.

This has been blown up out of proportion by OP. Someone said she had white on her nose. Not rude, though perhaps not appropriate to mention to someone you've just met.

Nobody died and OP can carry on painting her hooter white with highlighter whenever she likes. The fact a random stranger found it noticeable and unnatural enough to comment should give her a hint she's perhaps overdoing it but as is often the way in AIBU she doesn't want to hear that.

Life will go on

Sits patiently waiting for a photo of op's nose!

It clearly was noticeable op as it was noticed. People with smears of glittery highlighter on random parts of their faces DO look ridiculous. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything but I imagine it stands out more than you think. And not in a good way.

@MerchantofVenice you said that people got offended because she swore ( doesn't offend me) and that people are shocked because of period imagery ( which I said was harsh but made the point well) and then used to fact that I said she was over invested in her looks as proof of these ? ... that doesn't make sense .. the premise of your arguement doesn't math the conclusion? What are you trying to say?

Although I think I've missed something there

Festive reindeer -🤣

I frequently get to look at a young woman's highlighted face at closer quarters. It doesn't make sense at all until you step back and look at it from a distance of a few feet. It's weird close up, like make up from the pound shop future in a film from the past.

So, the moral is just what OP stated - that you shouldn't fucking comment on a stranger's appearance.

What, never?

Even to say 'you've got spinach in your teeth'? Or 'you've got food on your lip', '...a rogue bogey abseiling from your nostril'?

There's a valid school of thought that says pointing these things out (while embarrassing for the person) is kind, because it saves them further embarrassment in the long run.

The OP was embarrassed. That's normal. We all are when someone - friend or stranger - points out an appearance malfunction.

That's doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong thing to do.

I wouldn't do it, because I'm way too reserved. But that doesn't mean I'm right just because I let someone waltz around oblivious to the fact that they look a bit silly and people are noticing.

sayyou no, I don't get to 'police' the thread But I get to comment on opinions same as anyone... I don't know about being 'over-invested'... I do tend to defend OP's from pile ons and from bitchiness where I can... I think it's important. I really, really dislike unpleasantness.

MrLoveBucket I knoe she wasn't suffering from a skin disorder. But I'm talking about the principle of commenting on someone's skin. Someone upthread said that exact thing had happened to them re their skin condition. And no, I don't do any fancy make up. Doyou think people can only empathise if they're in the exact same position?

Weebo it is disbelieving a random part of the post to directly contradict OP's description of events. It's different if you're trying to come up with alternative reasons for the tone. You were the one who posted the Hermione clip! Did you think she was being kind there or enjoying a supercilious moment of power?!

Common sense people... If you can see it's bad make up, keep quiet. If it's spinach in teeth, think of a low-key way to point it out.

Beatrice no idea what you're talking about, sorry. I've made a number of different points. One was about my (mistaken) belief that someone was offended by the title due to the swearing. A different point was that someposters like to dig the boot in because they disapprove of 'vanity'.

You can tell yourself you have all these noble reasons for laying into OP but the fact is many posters took against her for petty reasons. And anyway, even if she were the rudest person in the world, she still makes a good point when she states that you shouldn't comment like that to a stranger. I bet loads of you would receive it as perfect wisdom had it been conveyed by someone more MN-approved.

What we all need to know is if the OP has gone to work today with her nose a-glowing or if she's left it off.

I doubt she'll be back to the thread to tell us though.

What the fuck does "MN approved" even mean?

Am I right in thinking that the modern trend of highly defined make-up is so that the people doing it look better in photos than they do in real life? It bears more than a passing resemblance to the odd-in-real-life-fine on-screen that early film and TV actors/presenters used to have to use.

'I love your hair! Do you mind me asking what shade you use?'

'Sure! It's L'Oreal Casting Creme 206 - Period Blood'.

I feel the need to comment. As a trained make up artist you don't put highlighter on the end of your nose!!!!

You put on the bridge, along with the darker contour on the sides!!! No wonder she was stunned! It's usually done for photographic purposes!!!

Circa 1986 when purple eye shadow and liner was "in" I was gung ho. Thought I looked the absolute business. My then form tutor kept me behind class and told me "I looked like a bloody clown" I laugh now but was miffed at the time. However I did try and look at my gorgeous eyes objectively and asked close friends and family. I established that I did indeed look like I could feasibly work at Billy Smarts. Did me a favour.

OP your nose probably looks overdone if folk, even old folk, are noticing.

I once told a friend of a friend she had marker on her face - turned out to be a mole with few hairs that looked like an accidental felt pen swipe from a distance - luckily she wasn't offended and I won't make that mistake again.

Last week a colleague told me I had something on my chin - was so thankful as we were in a meeting.

And, finally, a shop asssistant asked if I'd had my eyebrows threaded "Yes!" I said proudly "just had them done now" - her response? "You've got bits of hair all over your face".

So....it's sometimes good, even helpful, to comment...there's a nice way of doing it though!

You lost me when you commented on her appearance yourself.Period blood hair WTF. Anyway, this white highlighter thing your doing sounds ridiculous.