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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!

224 replies

DesperateButNotAHousewife · 14/09/2017 17:53

So.. I work in a customer facing job where I deal with many customers in one day, taking their car keys, handing them back once the work is done etc etc.

Today a lady came in who lets just say I found a little bit... strange. She randomly came out with "you have white on your nose... do you know!" In let's just say a not very nice manner. It wasn't in the manner of a woman looking out for another woman. It was bitchy. I said yes I know, it's highlighter. (I always put a tiny bit on the tip of my nose. It's a feature I'm now proud of since having a rhinoplasty last year.) and it didn't look white .. no one else said it was noticeable. Then she said.. "yes... it's white.."

Like what the fuck?! I saw her grey roots poking through her horrendous period blood coloured home dye job but I didn't say fuck all. You shouldn't comment on people's appearance.. it's rude :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2017 19:48

Completely acceptable or more usual, LostIt?

abigailgabble · 14/09/2017 19:50

let's face it... highlighter, contouring etc looks silly af in the harsh light of day.

abigailgabble · 14/09/2017 19:52

@KittysMyName like a tippex was my first thought. obviously not far off though.

dowagercountess · 14/09/2017 19:55

To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!
...... I saw her grey roots poking through her horrendous period blood coloured home dye job

irony Hmm

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 19:59

Weebo

Well, the thing is, you don't get to decide how upset someone can be as a result of a personal comment.

If OP had retaliated by punching the woman, fair enough- you'd be right to question the strength of her response.

But as far as we know she just took it. Then came on here and had a bit of a rant. But that's kind of what this is for...

She might be over sensitive, insecure about her appearance (there is a clue to this in her OP).

I've noticed this on MN - posters will do a complete pile-on because of the massive sin of over-reaction, totally ignoring the thoughtless/ mean comment that provoked any sort of reaction in the first place.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2017 20:00

Too right I don't understand the "highlighter life" Auspicious. It looks pretty ridiculous imo.

Op you are being incredibly rude about others. I'm gobsmacked at the period blood comment. It strikes of pot and kettle.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 20:00

No, dowager you don't comment to them. We have no idea who the customer was, so OP has done no damage to her whatsoever.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/09/2017 20:02

thoughtless, mean comment?? The woman obviously thought op had white gloop on the end of her nose by mistake; who the hell would have assumed it was a fashion choice?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/09/2017 20:03

When I say "completely acceptable" I mean I don't bat an eyelid if a woman walks down the street in the strange theatrical make up of brown shading and white highlighting. I'm used to it now Grin

I wonder if OP is disproportionately angry at the comment because she has deep seated insecurity about her nose, hence the nose job?

It seems like a massively rage filled reaction to a glib comment.

QueSera · 14/09/2017 20:04

I would definitely appreciate it if someone told me if i had some noticeable makeup fail or weirdness going on.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 20:05

Yesterday I think there was a thread where a poster passed a comment on the appearance of a man with a full beard wearing a dress. She was roundly chastised for daring to find this ridiculous (even though she didn't comment to the stranger). She was told how childish she was, and how someone's appearance is totally up to them etc etc.

But, yeah, put a bit of highlighter on and you're a total twat who should expect total ridicule.

Haffiana · 14/09/2017 20:06

OP's own comment about the customer's hair (whilst a bit ill-judged) are not in any way comparable because she didn't say them to the woman. She could be anyone.

So it is better to tell everyone else your mean, little shitty comments, but not to the person face to face? That is BETTER? This is 'good manners' is it? Where I come from that is called being a bitch behind someone's back.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 20:08

Why is everyone so keen to disbelieve OP's assessment of the woman's tone? She was there; we weren't.

And yes, I do think OP has an insecurity. I think that's clear. So, yeah, let's punish her for that too Confused

Miserylovescompany2 · 14/09/2017 20:09

I hope you didn't do your contouring/highlighting/shimmering-wisp like this?

To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!
Bearbehind · 14/09/2017 20:09

it didn't look white .. no one else said it was noticeable

That completely contradicts your title though doesn't it?

If you think people shouldn't comment on people's appearance then it follows that you do actually look a bit stupid with your highlighted nose and everyone else has been too polite to tell you........

You lost all empathy with you 'period blood coloured home dye job'

GerdaLovesLili · 14/09/2017 20:09

You're absolutely right. It took all my self-control not to tell the person in a customer facing rôle that served me the other day that her sticky-back-plastic eyebrows looked ridiculous. That would have been rude.

But it doesn't sound like you "look out for other women" either really.

Bearbehind · 14/09/2017 20:11

I suspect the woman genuinely thought the highlighter was incorrectly applied. No one would comment if they thought it was a deliberate 'look'

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 20:11

Haffiana

Bitching about an actual individuall behind their back is not nice.

Making a negative comment about a generic, anonymous person is neither here nor there. In fact, that's what everyone is doing on this thread- slagging off the random anonymous women who wear bad make up. We know who they are just as well as we know who the customer was - ie not at all.

Why is that distinction so hard to grasp?

Emmageddon · 14/09/2017 20:13

The customer was probably completely unaware of the latest fashion for using highlighter and contouring, and genuinely thought you had something on the end of your nose that wasn't meant to be there.

If she was a woman of a certain age (and the dyed hair/grey roots comment seem to suggest this) then you should have taken the remark with good grace, and not seen it as a personal insult.

I'm sure you look fabulous.

Glitterball Flowers Cake

endehors · 14/09/2017 20:15

Perhaps you'd been a bit heavy handed with the highlighter that day. I'd want to know, personally not that I use highlighter

ShmooBooMoo · 14/09/2017 20:20

While I don't think it's nice to comment negatively on a person's appearance, I'm wondering if, in this case, she did you a favour? You say no one else has commented on it, but most wouldn't...well, not to your face anyway! How do you know your colleagues aren't privately having a good chuckle behind your back, or placing bets on how heavy-handed you'll be with your highlighter tomorrow.
Noses tend to get shiny anyhow, add harsh lighting (if it's like that where you are based) and your nose probably looks much more highlighted/ white than you think.
If you've had a rhinoplasty and are pleased, why the highlighter anyway?

KittysMyName · 14/09/2017 20:23

@abigailgabble glad I'm not the only one thinking office supplies!! Grin

RedForFilth · 14/09/2017 20:23

This has probably been said already but maybe she just wanted you to hook her up with some sniff? Grin

Weebo · 14/09/2017 20:26

who should expect total ridicule

You have white on your nose.

I keep reading that sentence trying to find the awful thing I'm missing.

You're absolutely right that I shouldn't get to decide what upsets people but I do get to find the reasons ridiculous.

MrLovebucket · 14/09/2017 20:27

Why are people claiming that it's mean/rude/negative to say (and I quote):

"you have white on your nose... do you know"
"you've got lipstick on your teeth ... do you know"
"you've got spinach between your teeth... do you know"
"you've got loo roll stuck to the bottom of your shoe... do you know"

All of them are giving a 'heads up' about something the other person thinks is some kind of a mistake.

I'd agree that the woman was rude if she'd followed up with "well it looks shit" after the OP said it was highlighter and the look she was going for. But she didn't. Confused