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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!

224 replies

DesperateButNotAHousewife · 14/09/2017 17:53

So.. I work in a customer facing job where I deal with many customers in one day, taking their car keys, handing them back once the work is done etc etc.

Today a lady came in who lets just say I found a little bit... strange. She randomly came out with "you have white on your nose... do you know!" In let's just say a not very nice manner. It wasn't in the manner of a woman looking out for another woman. It was bitchy. I said yes I know, it's highlighter. (I always put a tiny bit on the tip of my nose. It's a feature I'm now proud of since having a rhinoplasty last year.) and it didn't look white .. no one else said it was noticeable. Then she said.. "yes... it's white.."

Like what the fuck?! I saw her grey roots poking through her horrendous period blood coloured home dye job but I didn't say fuck all. You shouldn't comment on people's appearance.. it's rude :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Witchend · 14/09/2017 21:21

White nose? I shall never understand make up. I thought it was meant to make you look better, however there was the fashion for looking like you had two black eyes and now someone thinking imitating Concorde is a good look. Confused

BorisTrumpsHair · 14/09/2017 21:22

Fuck - this thread GrinGrin

InigoTaran · 14/09/2017 21:22

Is this you, OP?

To think you shouldn't fucking comment on a strangers appearance?!
IJustLostTheGame · 14/09/2017 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 21:30

bear are you suggesting people took offence because she launched in with 'fucking'?? Really? That's the lifeblood of MN, surely?

And the period thing... are we shocked by period imagery?! It's quite a funny allusion I think. It would be offensive maybe if you actually said it to someone ("Ooh you've dyed your hair. It looks like my period.") But as part of a rant, it's almost inspired.

A pp has just accused OP of being over-invested in her looks (sorry, can't check who atm but in the last 30 mins) so I think I'm at least partly right.

sonjadog · 14/09/2017 21:31

I got about half way through this thread before I realized you weren´t talking about one of those neon pens. I couldn´t work out why so many people wanted to draw on their nose with one of them...

I guess my make-up knowledge is well out of date.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 21:31

(It was Beatrice)

Bearbehind · 14/09/2017 21:34

Are you being serious merchant? Hmm

Of course I'm not outraged by the swearing.

I'm pointing out the irony of someone posting to say you shouldn't comment on a strangers appearance then saying said stranger had grey roots and a period blood coloured home dye hair job.

Do you honestly think that's ok?

FindingNemoandDory · 14/09/2017 21:37

It's completely different being rude to someone's face and possibly causing upset to posting anonymously on an Internet forum as a venting exercise.

It isn't ironic.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 21:39

I'm with Nemo It's totally, totally different.

Bearbehind · 14/09/2017 21:42

Except the person wasn't anywhere near as rude In what she said as the OP was in what she posted.

I think it's pretty clear the stranger genuinely thought the white was a 'wardrobe malfunction'.

What was said wasn't rude or offensive. It was pointing out something getting that she thought looked odd.

Highlighting your nose is quite peculiar when you think about it.

Doing it in an unsubtle way, even more so.

Sallystyle · 14/09/2017 21:44

Loads of people are going around with white stripes on their faces as others have said.

They think it looks nice. Mostly it just looks like you have white on your face. A white mark on your nose is going to be noticeable.

I think she may have done you a favour because if she said it then other people are thinking the same.

Weebo · 14/09/2017 21:53

Have the people who genuinely think it's rude ever been in the women's toilets at a busy bar/night club?

We are always fixing each other. :o

I can't count how many times people have said things like Oh! Your hair is sticking up at the back/the label of your dress is out etc.

I have said the same sort of things too.

I would have assumed the woman was coming from the same sort of place.

blueshoes · 14/09/2017 22:03

The woman was rude to comment on your appearance. You would be justified in returning the favour by pointing out the period blood in her hair.

Coconutspongexo · 14/09/2017 22:05

I imagine some people on here would be offended if someone told them they had a piece toilet roll on their shoe because they would think someone was trying to shame them.

BadLad · 14/09/2017 22:06

I love Gavin's bitchy but brilliant put-down in Benidorm.

Fancy having lovely brown hair and then dyeing the roots grey.

Grin
IrritatedUser1960 · 14/09/2017 22:07

You should try working in the NHS, running commentary about your weight and appearance from the patients all day long.
I have no idea why they think I want to hear that.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 14/09/2017 22:10

^^

FindingNemoandDory · 14/09/2017 22:19

But the OP made it clear that it wasn't delivered in a sisterly helpful way but in an odd and unpleasant way

Why do you think that we explain to children that it's rude to point out things about someone's appearance? Because it is - unless said in a helpful way

Sayyouwill · 14/09/2017 22:27

Oh come on. It's not like she said "you've got white stuff on your nose and it looks shit" before she walked off. She probably did think she was being helpful and OP has taken it way too personally.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 22:28

it wasn't in the manner of a woman looking out for another woman(OP)

If we're just going to automatically disbelieve everything the OP says, how is this forum meant to function?

I thought the Harry Potter clip Weebo posted earlier was really helpful in this matter, but apparently not. There is a nice way of pointing out an error, and a haughty way.

OP had told us which it was. But some don't believe her - presumably because, you know, she uses double negatives, wears highlighter and is touchy about her looks. Let's get her Hmm

Sayyouwill · 14/09/2017 22:32

I wear makeup (won't be seen without it!), so now am I allowed to comment? No I personally don't believe OP. She has her version of events, the lady will have hers, and then there is the truth which is somewhere in the middle.

If you automatically believe everything written on the internet then you're in for a shock

Curtainsider · 14/09/2017 22:36

This reminds me of seeing a young woman with vitiligo on the train platform a couple of years back.

Only I realised as we ended up closer together getting on the train that the white patches were perfectly symmetrical and it was highlighting.

MerchantofVenice · 14/09/2017 22:37

Missing the point sayyouwill

On a forum like this, you can only engage with the information the OP gives. I don't necessarily believe everything, but you have to engage with the scenario you're given.

For all I know 50% of all AIBUs are entirely fabricated. But the scenarios are still possible and worth debating even if they're just academic.

Do you disagree that there are different ways of communicating? Some pleasant, some not so pleasant? OP tells is it was the latter. If you're going to engage, what's the point of doubting that particular bit of info?

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 22:38

Fuck sake, I would want to know if my 'highlighting' made my nose look like a belisha beacon!
(one of the reasons I dont highlight and contour, on tv it looks fab from a distance but it looks so bloody ridiculous in real life)