Update - missed Grammar School application

[sososocross]

So many people have kindly sent pm and a couple of update threads have been started so I wanted to update.

Firstly I really want to thank you all for your help and kindness. I was in a state and without you all I would have lost the plot. You women rule 🏅

Update: They are not letting him do the test and I have told DS. I made the choice to tell him in a vague way and simply stated that something had gone wrong and his application had not been received. I will not lie to him if he asks for more details at a later date, but I couldn't take away his chosen school and his image of his dad in one cruel swoop.

He cried and asked me to sort it out, and I told him I had tried and couldn't. I told him my alternate plans and he relaxed. I also told him I would be coming home early 2x per week from here on, and we would work together on homework, extra study or whatever he chose. If he wants to register for the 12 or 13 plus I will do all I can to assist him. Then we watched guardians of the galaxy and had big cuddle up on the sofa.

So that's where we are.

I am sorry to those I irritated by deleting the thread, I was very worried about the daily mail and any come back. I hope you understand I was having a crisis and listed inappropriate details which could identify my son on the thread.

Please don't mention school details on this thread as I'd rather it all remain anonymous for his sake.

Thanks again for all the kindness, it meant the world to me.

soso - thank you for updating. I am so sorry this has happened.

I posted right at the end of the original thread so I don't know if you saw it.

Many areas (sorry I deal with a different area, so I don't know the details of your area) but many areas do do a late test in March.

This is different to the late test in Oct which is for those who were ill on the day. It is there for those who moved to the area since the original test, or missed the deadline. It is usually held after Christmas, can't remember if Jan or March. It is therefore after the CAF form has to be submitted.

The problem with the test is that those who pass it are only considered for places after the first round of allocations, so if you pass you go on to the waiting list. If you pass well, you become no 1 on the waiting list, as the list is in order of marks. One or two kids every year get on from the waiting list, so it is a real chance, but you won't know the final outcome until maybe Aug /Sept.

The late test is not usually well advertised and obviously in your area it may not be available, but my understanding is that it exists precisely to deal with the legal issues raised by some posters in the know on the first thread.

so - you sound amazing. You have also raised an amazing son. best of luck to you

Well done OP, you've found the best solution out of a very difficult situation and explained it to your son in the best way for him to understand and have a positive outcome. The two of you have a great bond and should be able to support each other very well

"I am equally pissed off with his HT's opinions, no matter what their politics they should be impartial and see all the hard work and determination your DS has put into this."

Head teachers have no influence over the admissions deadlines for a Grammar. Presumably she offered this as some sort of re-assurance to the OP, not as a reason to do nothing in a situation in which they were both helpless.

You have an amazing DS there OP. You are doing so well with all this. All credit to you, your restraint has been admirable with regard to your husband.

Don't let this eat you up.

You really are a brilliant mum. You've shielded your DS from your husband's incompetence and I'm sure in time will convince your DS that this isn't the end of the world. As our head of year 6 was at pains to tell us the other day, do not let one day in your life when you're only 10 define your whole future.

I'm sorry you're married to such an utter arse though no doubt you're shielding your children from the worst of that too.

to you and your boy. I'm sure with you in his corner he'll flourish wherever he goes.

If your DH has gone into meltdown and total incomprehension, is this the first time someone hasn't been able to sort out one of his fuck ups?

I would sit him down and tell him how your son cried when YOU told him. Something HE couldn't face doing. Tell him how disappointed you are he could let your son down like this.

Tell him he can't afford to behave like an adolescent expecting everyone else to sort his shit out for him when he can't be arsed and that you really will smother him in his sleep if he does anything like this again.

You have been so stoic through all of this and a totally wonderful mum. It's clear that your son takes after you in terms of ambition & organisational skills, and I hope that maybe the school does become aware of your threads & realise that your son could possibly be a wonderful asset to their organisation, and therefore reconsider their position.
Good luck to you & your son however this plays out. [hugs]

Wishing you and your DS nothing but the good things that you both deserve due to your positive attitudes, strength and determination.

I have no doubt DS will do brilliantly at school and in life

Many thanks for updating when you have so much on your plate. And yes, fuck him

Oh soso "does dad know" just broke me. So annoyed on your behalf. Hope you DS is ok. Your husband is a complete dick!

He's having a meltdown now. I can't be arsed anymore.
WTF. Definitely Twatbadger.

I can totally understand your logic for not telling DS about DH's role in all this. However, in the longer term, I don't think you are doing either of them any favours by covering up the truth. DS needs to know his father can't be trusted to deal with important things and DH needs to stop making this about poor old little him. The meltdown illustrates just how selfish and self centred he is.

You've been awsome. However, as things stand DH has been allowed to not only cock up big time assuming you'll be able to fix it but now that he knows you can't is wallowing in self pity.

If you've got to work full-time and still do all the parenting jobs too, there's no point in him being a part-timer. He might as well go full-time and you can use the extra money to hire some help doing the domestic chores so you're free to spend more time helping your son.

I've no doubt that, academically, DS is going to do well wherever he goes. I hope that you can find some other avenue that allows him to progress in his chosen sport.

Oh soso, I was rooting for you all through your first thread - so sorry for the outcome but you have coped brilliantly. I must say the reaction of your DH reported at 11.57 appalled me - "completely stunned that I can't sort it out" Pfft! He's a spectacularly useless article - has he ever lived in the real world and had to sort out anything official that goes by certain rules! Your son sounds like a star, and I wish him well for his future.

I am equally pissed off with his HT's opinions, no matter what their politics they should be impartial and see all the hard work and determination your DS has put into this.

I understand your frustration, but it just shows a complete lack of understanding of the grammar system and how it works.

The head teacher of a primary school has absolutely no influence at all over the grammar application process. Unless you are in an area like Kent where the exam is done in school, it is probably completely outside the experience etc of the head anyway.

Op, with an attitude like your DS's, he will succeed anywhere.

Well done to you and your ds-
Wish you both all the best.
Hope you sort out your dh too. What an idiot.

I was following the other thread with interest and it seemed one of your DS's main aims was to partake of the sporting opportunities at the GS. If he saves 2 hours a day commuting, that's an awful lot of time which can be spent on his sport. If the other school offers similar opportunities it may turn out for the best.

I would still be furious though.

I think the idea of the sports academy is really good actually.

ds and dd go to a grammar that they have to travel to. They go on the train so it is always possible to do an after school club and take the next train home.
But if either one was in a sport team, then I would be doing an awful lot of driving up and down to extra practice and matches. Adding one hour each way on to the time a match takes and a huge amount of time will be taken up with travelling.

being local is not to be underestimated when lots of extra curricular activities are involved.

Both mine do all their extra stuff in our home town, not through school

Good to see the 'divorce your DH' rent-a-crowd have found the new update thread.

He was clearly a dick to forget to do it and to lie to you about it wasn't good m, but as for divorce. That'll be great for the kids...

Thanks for the update OP, sounds as if you have handled it about as well as it could be in the circumstances caused by your DH and I hope your DS finds a wonderful school for next year.

I'm so sorry, but it's amazing how you've handled this and clear that your son will be ok. He is so resilient isn't he! He sounds like a lovely lad.

Good luck with continuing to explore all options.

As others have said, be very careful with protecting your DH too much. It can come back to bite you - or rather, bite DS. Your H sounds far worse than the lazy and neglectful figure you described. He sounds full-on manipulative and unpleasant, with very little regard for anyone other than himself full stop. One thing I would make crystal clear is that if you hear a single word coming from him to DS which tries to paint a picture where it wasn't something poor sick put upon Daddy was responsible for and isn't it awful DS, I sooo wish I could do something about it, I tried my best!' - the slightest hint of lying and manipulation, and he'll regret it. He will almost certainly not be able to resist doing this, however - the urge to make things all ok for him and his oh so delicate feelings, I imagine. As you can tell, there are so many folk here almost unreasonably angry at the actions of a man they've never even met!

So I wish you luck with finding your way through where you go with your H from here on in. One thing that stands out is that you clearly don't need him though and will probably be stronger and better without him around.

You and your son are amazing, OP.
Sorry to see this update, but I feel that in a few years, you'll look back at this as a blip (admittedly a massive, possibly life-changing one) and your DS will go from strength to strength.

I saw your first thread just before it got pulled so didn't post. Thank you for the update. You've handled this amazingly and your DS sounds like a lovely, responsible young man. You must be incredibly proud of him.

Your DH is a tool. But you know that.

Your son really is amazing, you should be so proud of him.

It's one thing to make a mistake we can all do it, even the lying could be vaguely understood if he tried to put things right after himself. But to completely sweep things under the carpet until it's too late and then play the victim...words completely fail me to describe him.