Update - missed Grammar School application

[sososocross]

So many people have kindly sent pm and a couple of update threads have been started so I wanted to update.

Firstly I really want to thank you all for your help and kindness. I was in a state and without you all I would have lost the plot. You women rule 🏅

Update: They are not letting him do the test and I have told DS. I made the choice to tell him in a vague way and simply stated that something had gone wrong and his application had not been received. I will not lie to him if he asks for more details at a later date, but I couldn't take away his chosen school and his image of his dad in one cruel swoop.

He cried and asked me to sort it out, and I told him I had tried and couldn't. I told him my alternate plans and he relaxed. I also told him I would be coming home early 2x per week from here on, and we would work together on homework, extra study or whatever he chose. If he wants to register for the 12 or 13 plus I will do all I can to assist him. Then we watched guardians of the galaxy and had big cuddle up on the sofa.

So that's where we are.

I am sorry to those I irritated by deleting the thread, I was very worried about the daily mail and any come back. I hope you understand I was having a crisis and listed inappropriate details which could identify my son on the thread.

Please don't mention school details on this thread as I'd rather it all remain anonymous for his sake.

Thanks again for all the kindness, it meant the world to me.

[DO3271]

I like to think positively. I would hope for you and your son that this new path leads to great things. When one door closes another one opens. Maybe his fate has bigger better things in store for him and you sound an amazing mum. You fought hia corner so hard but still broke the news to him calmly and offering options. Perfect.

[Leilaniii]

Does your DH have nice car? If so, I would be selling it and spending the money on private school fees.

Your DS has shown great maturity - much more than his DF.

[TheVoiceOfTreason]

So sorry that you and your son have had to go through this. You sound like a wonderful parent and he sounds like a fantastic son. I'm sure he will still do brilliantly in life with such a supportive mother who approaches parenting so rationally, fairly and pragmatically.

Fingers crossed re the sports academy option, which does sound like it would be great for him. I wish you both well.

[DJBaggySmalls]

You're a brilliant Mum and a strong woman.

[ElizaDontlittle]

I read your first thread and felt firstly that you have a really excellent boy there - that kind of self discipline at his age is pretty rare - many will follow their parents drive but it takes some maturity to develop your own.

And it's easy to see where he gets it from (hint:not his father).
I think this is certainly marriage threatening and has the potential to be marriage ending. I hope you can find a bit of time for yourself to think it through, maybe talk it through with someone. to you and DS.

[Yvetteballs]

Has your husband said a single word to your son about this yet?

[sososocross]

Darcy - I agree but think that the idea of 12 plus is good to make this fuck up seem less critical right now. If he's happy we won't pursue it. Last year 50 kids examined for 2 places in year 7(to enter in year 8)

When I asked how he felt about the extra work he said he'd enjoyed it, esp going thru stuff with me, so I see 12plus as a way of structuring that and making time for it, even if he decides not to do it when it comes around iyswim

[RupertPsmith]

I'm so sorry about the disappointing outcome but you've handled the whole shitty mess so well, and your son is clearly a credit to you. Wishing you all the very best

[MrsHathaway]

Thank you for the update. I am in awe of your attitude and I think it sounds as though DS takes after you far more closely than his father - which will of course stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. He has a very bright future ahead of him, whatever shape that takes.

[InsomniacAnonymous]

Your husband sounds like a child, thinking you can sort out the consequences of his laziness and incompetence. I'm disgusted by him so I can't imagine how you must feel. I'm sure your son will do excellently wherever he goes to school and hope that he's thinking along the same lines, with all the help and support you're giving him.

[LagunaBubbles]

Good luck OP

[sososocross]

DJBaggy - that's my all time best ever compliment. Thank you

[sososocross]

Yvette - no, ds was asleep when he got home.

DS broke my heart when I told him - he was crying and said 'does dad know' and that started me crying.

[Backingvocals]

soso you and your son sound amazing. DH not so much.

He honestly sounds a brilliant lad - DD is about to do 11+ and is in no way getting up early to do extra tests of her own volition . I love his work ethic and his resilience but also his willingness to show distress and sadness and be comforted by you. All of these will stand him in really good stead. Hats off to soso and son.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Thank you for updating us. You sound like a strong woman and your son sounds strong as well. What you have said sounds very positive and as you are helping him with his studies, this could be a good thing in the end. I do hope your husband has learnt a very big lesson.

[sososocross]

Officer - you're spot on. If ds loves his school it'll be rewritten as a brilliant plan. Fuck him.

[Ttbb]

Soso- I am very impressed by how you have handled this. You are absolutely right in saying that grammar school is not the be all and end all-most people who I have known to go to grammar schools have not done well or have done well despite the school's attempts to drag them down (several grammar school pupils I know applied to oxbridge in secret because their school would not support them). Your son is lucky to have you for a mother. You more than make up for his father's deficiencies. Please keep us updated, I'm sure that I speak for all of us when I say that we all feel for you and your DS and want everything to work out for the best.

[ohtheholidays]

I'd read all through your other thread and I'm glad you've come back to update everyone.

I'm so sorry there wasn't anything that could be done but you should be really proud of your Son and yourself,I don't know how you've held it together infront of your DC after your Husband made such a huge cockup and the fact that your DS has taken it so well and is still going to push forward shows that he takes after his lovely Mum

[MarthasHarbour]

I hope your DS knows that hundreds of MNers think he is an amazing boy and very mature. His work ethic will see him right through life.
I am equally pissed off with his HT's opinions, no matter what their politics they should be impartial and see all the hard work and determination your DS has put into this.

Good luck for the future to you and your DS. (Your 'D'H can do one.)

[BroomstickOfLove]

Your son sounds like such a lovely boy. I'm really sorry to hear that he can't sit the test. And I am so impressed with the way you have handled this, doing your best to ensure the best outcome, even when that means not showing DS your (extremely justified) anger.

[Theoistfit]

Your son sounds absolutely brilliant and he'll thrive anywhere with his work ethic. He clearly takes after you!

[MarthasHarbour]

And yes, Grammar school is not the be all and end all. I went to a very average state comprehensive and I know of pupils who ended up to be Oxbridge students due to their work ethic. One of them was the daughter of a local Labour MP who was vehemently against grammar schools. Regardless of our politics, as i said above, your DS will go far in life. He really will

[CamperVamp]

You and your DS are stars.

Is there not an option to take the test in March as a late applicant? People do accept grammar places and then decide to go private etc.

If your boy is hard working (as he clearly is) and bright (as he clearly is) , and your local comprehensive is good (as the Head teacher seems to think it is , and is a place where he will thrive) , he WILL be OK and do well. Personally I would not be sending a child on buses for 2 hours a day, and know from experience that children do very well indeed in comprehensive schools, but none of this is the point.

Your DS held on to a dream, worked hard, set himself a target and applied himself to following his dream. Your DH took all that away from him by neglecting a tiny simple task that would have taken less than one tenth of the time it takes to do one Bond's Paper. That is the point. He is a TERRIBLE role model for your son.

As if you need all that rubbing in - you don't - but how ever extreme your anger, YANBU in feeling it.

[clarinsgirl]

SoSo - you will get this sorted for your DS. From what you have said he has other options and with his attitude to work and you as a mum he will flourish.

The bigger problem is what to do about DH. He seems to be utterly useless, a liar and has shown no remorse for his enormous fuck up or offered constructive help to fix it. I don't know where you go from there.