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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be turned off by his silliness

187 replies

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 09:29

Argh.

I met a lovely guy a few months ago and he's caring, funny, generous - all the things you could possibly want in a partner (and basically the total opposite of my ex).

We've seen quite a lot of each other, I've met all his family, get on really well with them and lately things are becoming a bit more serious.

I know no one is perfect BUT his silliness is starting to really put me off and turn me off being physical with him.

If we're with other people he doesn't do it, but on our own he puts on silly baby-type voices, will make silly faces and will act quite camp at times (will walk in a way as if he's swinging a bag on his hips/dance in a silly, quite feminine, way etc.)

He can also act quite immature when we're alone and if for e.g. I say 'Right! I'd better head off, it's getting late', he'll start acting like a kid and say 'Noooooo, I don't want you to gooooooo' in a childish voice and cling onto me.

On one hand I really do appreciate all his lovely other qualities and the fact we both want the same things in life, he's a good person, yada yada yada. And on the other I just feel like I wish he would be a little more mature and serious when it's just the two of us.

AIBU to potentially call it off for this? We're both in our twenties.

OP posts:
squaresandsquares · 13/11/2017 22:03
Smile
TheFaerieQueene · 13/11/2017 22:11

Great news.

FlashTheSloth · 13/11/2017 22:20

Makes a nice change to hear! Congrats OP.

YouDidNotJustSayThat · 13/11/2017 22:24

Ugh. Baby voices.

The reason Adam Sandler movies should be banned.

Bin him.

Picklesandpies · 13/11/2017 22:32

This would be a deal breaker for me. I would suggest speaking to him about it but just knowing that it’s being repressed would be enough to turn me off. Baby Voices? No. Just no.

Picklesandpies · 13/11/2017 22:39

So sorry OP, I feel bad for my post now - tired and didn’t read your update! I’m glad things turned out well.

Magicnumbers · 14/11/2017 08:01

I had a friend who did this, not just with her bf but also occasionally with friends. She just slipped into that voice without even realising- it was just a natural place for her. I coped with it as it wasn’t often, but her bf ended up having a chat with her about it as he was losing patience.

Fast forward 10 years and she has stopped it completely (at least in public). And they’re married- very happily. It was a defence mechanism for her, but she’s found other ways to deal with things (ie if things were getting a bit serious, her brain would just send her off to be silly)

Have a chat with him, tell him that everything else is great but you’re struggling with this private side of him...he may not realise how much he does it, and perhaps you could ask why he does it.

He sounds great in other respects, so I think this could be overcome.

Magicnumbers · 14/11/2017 08:02

Oops, sorry OP just seen your update! That’s brilliant!

Sayyouwill · 14/11/2017 08:10

The thing is, he is just being himself. If you don’t like that then leave. It’s not fair on him for you to ask him to change.

Bonkersmom28 · 19/12/2019 23:44

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet and have just joined after reading an old thread from "confused girl" asking opinions on what she should do regarding her new boyfriend's silliness. I am much older and have a son in his late teens who has just gone off to Uni so have been battling empty nest syndrome. I have been dating a man for nearly two years and have a similar problem as confused girl. I really find his silliness a turn off too and sometimes feel his silly comments are inappropriate when talking about serious issues. He is a kind and honest man which I feel are very important qualities and he is intelligent too. We differ on religion which can be a problem for me (I believe, he doesn't) but we don't discuss it. He doesn't have children but is understanding about my worries for my son. However, I still cannot stand his silly comments and face pulling etc and he will do this in public too. I like funny but not silly especially intentional silliness. I end up seeming the miserable one. I have spoken to him but he changes the subject. He hates arguing. It's worse now my son is away and I am contemplating my future alone or getting more serious with my boyfriend. Any advice would be appreciated.

ChristianGreysAnatomy · 20/12/2019 00:27

Bonkers, I suggest you start your own thread rather than reviving a zombie thread.

As for advice. If he doesn’t change after discussion, probably time to say goodbye!

lesleyw1953 · 20/12/2019 01:37

Tell him. Gently as you can but tell him!

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