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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be turned off by his silliness

187 replies

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 09:29

Argh.

I met a lovely guy a few months ago and he's caring, funny, generous - all the things you could possibly want in a partner (and basically the total opposite of my ex).

We've seen quite a lot of each other, I've met all his family, get on really well with them and lately things are becoming a bit more serious.

I know no one is perfect BUT his silliness is starting to really put me off and turn me off being physical with him.

If we're with other people he doesn't do it, but on our own he puts on silly baby-type voices, will make silly faces and will act quite camp at times (will walk in a way as if he's swinging a bag on his hips/dance in a silly, quite feminine, way etc.)

He can also act quite immature when we're alone and if for e.g. I say 'Right! I'd better head off, it's getting late', he'll start acting like a kid and say 'Noooooo, I don't want you to gooooooo' in a childish voice and cling onto me.

On one hand I really do appreciate all his lovely other qualities and the fact we both want the same things in life, he's a good person, yada yada yada. And on the other I just feel like I wish he would be a little more mature and serious when it's just the two of us.

AIBU to potentially call it off for this? We're both in our twenties.

OP posts:

hiphopcat · 13/09/2017 11:14

I agree with the poster who said talk to him about it. I am sure he means no harm and just thinks he's being 'cute.'

If he doesn't know he's being an annoying twat, how can he stop?

If everything else is great, then tell him!

If he doesn't stop, (after you have told him,) give it say, 3 months, and then tell him again!)

ziggy1986 · 13/09/2017 11:14

My bf went through a short phase of doing an Austin Powers impression when we were in bed together. I just told him straight that it was a complete turn off. He stopped.

He still can be silly and do impressions but not in bed!!

BorisTrumpsHair · 13/09/2017 11:16

My ovaries have curled up in pain after reading the OP

and this 'Noooooo, I don't want you to gooooooo' in a childish voice and cling onto me. is a PA attempt to control you. Though I'm sure he will expect YOU to read it as a declaration of love.

Dump and run.

RiseToday · 13/09/2017 11:22

More worryingly, he seems to have NO sense of self awareness. I can't imagine that you're sat there belly laughing along with his antics to spare his blushes. I'm sure that you have made it quite clear that it's annoying, even if it's an eye roll a dead pan response or clear irritation and this clown just hasn't picked up on the cues!

For this reason I wouldn't bother trying to explain it to him or asking him to stop. It will likely just go right over his head.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 13/09/2017 11:30

"Boop! I touched your booty!"

Right oh.

Babyish pet names for your vagina or his penis ? Such as his penis is Mr. Nob and your vagina is Miss Sexy and asks for sex by saying can Mr. Nob visit Miss Sexy ?

Babyish/silly name for sex i.e. calling it wooky and to ask if you want sex he just says, 'want wooky ?'

You will have to learn his ways. This will be hard work. You will be trained up to understand and use his terminology. Someone upthread remarked on not being turned into his mum.

Do you trust him to cope with the pressures of the adult world if you see yourselves together forever ? Right now the answer to that question seems to be, 'no'.

If you tell him you don't like it, he might find that hilarious or worse still just take the piss out of you and remark by saying, 'message received and understood, Sargent.'

He might do it all the more and then smirk, 'you don't like that do you ?'

One remark that I find so true on MN is, 'if someone tells you who they are, believe them.'

Original poster

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 11:30

Rise that's exactly right! I have a RBF anyway but when he's doing this silly stuff I'm not sure I can make it any clearer that I don't find it funny. I usually roll my eyes so hard it hurts or just completely ignore it.

I need to find a way of saying "I like men and I want to date a man who acts like one" without embarrassing him. And on the other hand I think who am I to try to change him.

Sigh!

OP posts:

RachelP247 · 13/09/2017 11:31

I had to read MrKaplan's post a few times - totally laughing!

He's insecure. Tell him you don't find it all that attractive.

I bet he had a bitch of a gfriend at some point who did like him behaving this way who treated him like shit.....

ILoveMillhousesDad · 13/09/2017 11:33

*In the end he was literally waiting inside the door for me when I got home and would do a penguin walk towards me and I would recoil.

Omg. That has just made me laugh (well snort) out loud

Deffo did the right thing dumping him.

As should you OP. He will just end up doing your head in big time. You would basically be asking him to change his crap sense of humour.

The80sweregreat · 13/09/2017 11:33

You could try speaking to him about it - or just accept he will never change and move on.

Ironmanrocks · 13/09/2017 11:34

Ive not read all posts- but my OH used to be daft like this (no baby voices though). I considered dumping him but he was fab in every other way. I ignored the silly behaviour, and I mean blatantly - changed the subject etc...I think he was just keen and a bit excited (sounds weird I know) but I gave him a chance and we've been together 15 years...he's still a laugh and I occasionally have to tell him he's not funny but not often. He is kind and calm and everything I need. Try it first.

WomblingThree · 13/09/2017 11:35

Why should he change though? Someone else will like him as he is. I find it bizarre to find a bloke and then try and turn him into what you think he should be. Find one that is what you want instead.

I cringed just reading your OP. I had a boyfriend like that once, and it wasn't even endearing at 17 (he was 24 I think). When I spent more time rolling my eyes than actually listening, I binned him. I'm sure he's happily annoying someone else now.

FallingOrbit · 13/09/2017 11:35

I agree with the minority. He probably thinks (mistakenly) that he's being cute and endearing. It doesn't sound like bin him immediately behaviour to me. Especially if you like everything else about him.

Tell him it annoys you and there will be no sexy time unless he knocks it off.

If he seems incapable of quitting the annoying habit, might be a different story.

Slightly different thing but I'm really good at doing accents, I can pull off most very convincingly and switch quickly, last ex found it hilarious, one before that didn't. She didn't dig it, so I just stopped doing it.

Original poster

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 11:37

"Babyish pet names for your vagina or his penis ? Such as his penis is Mr. Nob and your vagina is Miss Sexy and asks for sex by saying can Mr. Nob visit Miss Sexy ?" I can't stop laughing at this. Luckily he doesn't do those things. The actual sex itself is really great too and he is a very good looking bloke. He gets a fair few women hit on him (I've been there when it's happened!) and he's incredibly respectful of me and women in general too.

He's very capable - he has his own successful business, makes good money, has great social skills, is really charismatic and personable etc. I would have absolutely no doubt that he would take care of his future family very well because as I say he's VERY caring and generous and can't do enough for anyone. Just this stupid dang voice!

OP posts:

Tinty · 13/09/2017 11:39

Do you know what, just tell him. It can go one of two ways either he will stop and start behaving like a grown up or it is his default personality and he will be unable to control it or he will be miserable because it is just how he is.

But maybe he does it like a PP said because it amused a previous girlfriend so he has just got into the habit. Either way it will ruin your relationship if it annoys you and he won't know why you are getting annoyed if you don't tell him.

Better to tell him now and know if he can't control it you can split before you become too involved. If it annoys you a bit now it will drive you demented in a couple of years.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 13/09/2017 11:40

I bet he had a bitch of a gfriend at some point who did like him behaving this way who treated him like shit.....

Interesting........

CruCru · 13/09/2017 11:42

Honestly? You need to tell him that you don't like it. Tell him once, tell him again when he forgets. If he STILL does it, then finish with him.

redsquirrel2 · 13/09/2017 11:43

Just tell him! Communication is very important in relationships, you need to start on the right foot. Seems a bit harsh to dump him without giving him a chance to change.

hiphopcat · 13/09/2017 11:43

@Ziggy1986
My bf went through a short phase of doing an Austin Powers impression when we were in bed together. I just told him straight that it was a complete turn off. He stopped.

Was it something like this?

DollyPartonsBeard · 13/09/2017 11:45

It smacks of insecurity to me - like he's subconsciously thinking no one could ever dislike him or hurt him when he's so adorable and cute and endearing. Unfortunately these affectation become habits unless they're nipped in the bud. (My teenage son hung out with a very flamboyant 'DARLING!' gay lad at college and came home copying his very arch and camp speech patterns and bitchiness. Put a stop to that pronto!)

These things become very grating, very quickly. I once dated a chap who did Elvis impressions during sex - he sort of swirled his penis around, curled his lip, and drawled 'Rockahula, baby,' at me. He was most offended by both my laughter snd rhe fact it didn't immediately trigger a three hour full-body orgasm. Needless to say, he was binned.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 13/09/2017 11:46

but when he's doing this silly stuff I'm not sure I can make it any clearer that I don't find it funny. I usually roll my eyes so hard it hurts or just completely ignore it.

So he doesn't listen. What size red flag is that then ? Small, medium or large ? You have got communication issues. It seems to me that he will not stop it with the silliness. It's coming across as hard luck if you don't like it.

His silly behaviour turns you right off and you don't want to have sex with him. Um, sounds like your relationship has already ended.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/09/2017 11:46

I wouldn't immediately bin him if he is otherwise great.
AND he doesn't do it in front of other people so it's something that he can turn on and off.
Quite possibly he had a girlfriend in the past who was absolutely charmed by this, so he thinks "Women like this".
Just make it clear that it makes you cringe and give him a chance to act like a grown up all the time

VladmirsPoutine · 13/09/2017 12:20

In the end he was literally waiting inside the door for me when I got home and would do a penguin walk towards me and I would recoil.

Chapeau to this comment! Absolutely made me howl!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/09/2017 12:27

@MrKaplan, my sides are aching 😂
I truly couldn't live with a man child.

JessicaEccles · 13/09/2017 12:29

Or he'll come up behind me and poke my bum and say "Boop! I touched your booty!".

is there really a woman on the planet who would find that sexy or amusing?

Original poster

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 12:46

I'm laughing SO much at some of these comments. Thank God I'm not the only one who is put off by this behaviour.

OP posts:

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