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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be turned off by his silliness

187 replies

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 09:29

Argh.

I met a lovely guy a few months ago and he's caring, funny, generous - all the things you could possibly want in a partner (and basically the total opposite of my ex).

We've seen quite a lot of each other, I've met all his family, get on really well with them and lately things are becoming a bit more serious.

I know no one is perfect BUT his silliness is starting to really put me off and turn me off being physical with him.

If we're with other people he doesn't do it, but on our own he puts on silly baby-type voices, will make silly faces and will act quite camp at times (will walk in a way as if he's swinging a bag on his hips/dance in a silly, quite feminine, way etc.)

He can also act quite immature when we're alone and if for e.g. I say 'Right! I'd better head off, it's getting late', he'll start acting like a kid and say 'Noooooo, I don't want you to gooooooo' in a childish voice and cling onto me.

On one hand I really do appreciate all his lovely other qualities and the fact we both want the same things in life, he's a good person, yada yada yada. And on the other I just feel like I wish he would be a little more mature and serious when it's just the two of us.

AIBU to potentially call it off for this? We're both in our twenties.

OP posts:
AprilLady4 · 13/09/2017 12:52

You do need to talk to him, OP.

KityGlitr · 13/09/2017 12:53

"Or he'll come up behind me and poke my bum and say "Boop! I touched your booty!".

Oh Jesus. The word boop. What actual response do you think he wants from that? Like I can't possibly imagine how I'd respond to that? Are you meant to say 'yes, you did' or laugh or what? My vagina just evaporated into a dried up husk and my ovaries shut down operations just reading that. I'm cringing for you.

IHeartDodo · 13/09/2017 13:52

shudder at "boop"...
DP and I are quite silly, and I've had to tell him to stop the baby voices - but then he did, and it's fine :)

bookwormsforever · 13/09/2017 14:15

he'll come up behind me and poke my bum and say "Boop! I touched your booty!"

Oops. That made me Grin a lot. I gues once is funny - more often, not so much.

JessicaEccles · 13/09/2017 14:32

What actual response do you think he wants from that?

'You're a naughty little squirrel and mummy's going to cut off your nuts!'...

Katyazamo · 13/09/2017 14:45

This is my partner of 5 years all over. I love him to death but he's so camp and cringy.
For example this morning he came home from work and I was still in bed. He got in with me and started trying to er initiate things. Cue baby crying and i said come on let's get up and he said in the most cringy voice "daddy's needs come first" and actually growled. Never heard anything more off putting lol. While I type this (stood in the garden) he took his top off and pressed his nipples against the window for me 😭😭😭😭.
Hes a weirdo but I love him. Just have to tell him to reign it in sometimes.

RiseToday · 13/09/2017 14:57

OP what is RBF??

He sounds like a great catch on paper, I think it's rather obvious why hasn't he been snapped up!

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 15:17

Katy Grin

And RBF - resting bitch face!

OP posts:
IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 13/09/2017 15:23

girlconfused GrinGrin Just show him that sketch and say "wow I can't imagine being attracted to a man who behaved like that in real life." (Cue meaningful look.) Confusingly I do genuinely love Robert Webb, even in that get up.

devilmaycarry · 13/09/2017 15:50

Just tell him you don't like it, or say "Just talk to me like I'm a grown-up". If he's normal then he'll be stung by the criticism for a bit but get over it. He'll probably even respect you for your forthrightness.

Don't stop at eye-rolling and circumlocution, just be straight about it. And don't sit through 4 hrs of irritation until you're a tightly-coiled spring of rage and then explode all over the place in what will then look like a deranged over-reaction. Do it on the very next occasion he uses the silly voice.

It would be absurd to call it off without ever even saying what the problem was, and tbh you'll be very lucky to have any seriously long-term relationships where you don't occasionally have to tell each other about stuff the other one's doing that you don't like - so even if he isn't The One, you can view this as practice for the Next One.

livefornaps · 13/09/2017 16:13

@katyazamo - i'm speechless!

pambeesley · 13/09/2017 16:17

Send him my way. I like camp and silly!

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 13/09/2017 16:34

Oh the penguin walk

Yes my ex who baby talked also did the penguin walk

First time slightly amusing, second and third time I'm left bewildered by the tenth time I'm thinking what a stupid cunt and really there is no going back once you think that

RiseToday · 13/09/2017 16:40

My husband has been known to be overly formal in front of (female) friends/family saying things like

"Excuse me ladies but I'm just off to bed now, feel free to stay up chatting and enjoy the high japes" and other such nonsense....Hmm

He has been told in no uncertain terms to stop. It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, but to do it in the style of a bumbling Hugh Grant type character, terribly middle class and such, is just too much to bare. My toes curl so much it's a wonder they haven't snapped off.

Thankfully he has never rolled out the baby talk or pet names for our genitalia. That would be a step too far for me.

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 16:53

First time slightly amusing, second and third time I'm left bewildered by the tenth time I'm thinking what a stupid cunt and really there is no going back once you think that

😂😂

OP posts:
girlconfused · 13/09/2017 16:53

Rise that made me laugh out loud

OP posts:
graziemille · 13/09/2017 17:09

My friends DH is exactly like this. It gives me the utter creeps. The Camp voices and camp behaviour makes my skin crawl. He even Camp flirts and holds Camp conversations with
our group of friends.
I like a man to be a MAN.
Just cannot understand my friend finding this funny or attractive.
Each to their own I guess.
Even writing about it makes me squirm.

RiseToday · 13/09/2017 17:31

Never mind 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'....

I sometimes think men must originate from the farthest reaches of the solar system. They also spectacularly fail to understand the correlation between saying the wrong thing and nooky.

Sorry, I had to get nooky in there somewhere, in the spirit of the thread and all Grin

ILoveMillhousesDad · 13/09/2017 17:38

by the tenth time I'm thinking what a stupid cunt

Grin Grin Grin

Balaboosteh · 13/09/2017 17:40

He's got ADHD. That's my impression anyway. Obvs not a medical diagnosis!

ForagingForFaerieGold · 13/09/2017 18:15

Try putting it as a question. "WHY do you do that? It's getting old now."
I like some silliness but not what he's doing. It's just not funny. And even if it had been the first time, he needs some new material.

HeadSpin5 · 13/09/2017 18:33

Penguin walk...blurry bath chunks...GrinGrinGrin am on v busy commuter train in tears at those posts!

Winosaurus · 13/09/2017 18:43

Why don't you start acting like a baby and doing baby voices... do it during sex and see what his reaction is Grin if he asks or says it's off putting then say "I KNOW!"

Mollie85 · 13/09/2017 19:24

I broke up with someone like this last year after three months.

Started off with things like him saying "whittle" for little and then he'd talk in the third person and say things like "me needs my nunights" (cringe). And he used to call me "baby": "how's my whittle baby today? Have you been a busy whittle bear?" Erm you're unemployed and I'm working a 45 hour week - fuck off!
I ignored it as I thought it would stop the behaviour. Until I snapped, told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with Elmer Fudd anymore and that he needed to talk like a normal 43 year old man.

He looked hurt, then smiled and said "has my whittle baby waby got her monthlies? Do you want some choccy woccy? Me get you some Choccy woccy..."

He left to get choccy woccy and I didn't let him back in.

"Monthlies" Hmm

In retrospect- chunks in the bath might have been a better idea...

I don't feel Bad for posting this - he's in a relationship with a new lady and apparently they call each other "pookie" and "wookie".
In public Grin

Bullet dodged

MyKryptonite · 13/09/2017 19:25

I've been with my daft guy for almost the last two years now. He's the sweetest, kindest man I think I've ever known, and being with him just feels right.. he's a little bit broken and insecure just like me, but he's mad as a box of frogs and he makes me laugh every day. I honestly don't think I've ever been turned off by his silliness.. actually I think he's helped me find the silly in me that I thought had been squeezed out years ago.. and I love it.

I know though that if something he did bothered me, he'd do something about it.. Talking things over with your silly man might help matters. I wouldn't go throwing it all away just yet.