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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be turned off by his silliness

187 replies

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 09:29

Argh.

I met a lovely guy a few months ago and he's caring, funny, generous - all the things you could possibly want in a partner (and basically the total opposite of my ex).

We've seen quite a lot of each other, I've met all his family, get on really well with them and lately things are becoming a bit more serious.

I know no one is perfect BUT his silliness is starting to really put me off and turn me off being physical with him.

If we're with other people he doesn't do it, but on our own he puts on silly baby-type voices, will make silly faces and will act quite camp at times (will walk in a way as if he's swinging a bag on his hips/dance in a silly, quite feminine, way etc.)

He can also act quite immature when we're alone and if for e.g. I say 'Right! I'd better head off, it's getting late', he'll start acting like a kid and say 'Noooooo, I don't want you to gooooooo' in a childish voice and cling onto me.

On one hand I really do appreciate all his lovely other qualities and the fact we both want the same things in life, he's a good person, yada yada yada. And on the other I just feel like I wish he would be a little more mature and serious when it's just the two of us.

AIBU to potentially call it off for this? We're both in our twenties.

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/09/2017 10:11

When a man tells you who he is, listen !
Now run for the hills ....

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/09/2017 10:11

Maybe he's just comfortable enough around you to really be himself unlike when there are others about?
His "mature" persona could be a cover up and the silly, clingy persona is who he really is and he feels he doesn't need to hide it because he trusts you.
If you really don't like it then just be honest, sit him down, tell him you've been enjoying spending time together, and tell him all the things you really like/love about him, but gently explain that you find the silly act a turn off and it's not really your cup of tea. Leave it up to him to decide if he wants to tone it down, or if its a part of his personality he doesnt want to have to shut away and if that means splitting, so be it. Don't give an ultimatum unless it really is a stop or i walk situation, and go gently you don't want to embarrass him or make him feel ashamed.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 13/09/2017 10:14

In my head he's like Robert Webb in this sketch

lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2017 10:15

Tell him! He's probably doing it partly because he thinks you like it, find it cute, endearing etc.

If he doesn't understand or believe you, be blunt. 'I'm not sexually attracted to children. Please stop pretending to be one', might help.

WotcherHarry · 13/09/2017 10:15

flatpop

Allthewaves · 13/09/2017 10:20

You couldn't spend 4 hour with him without being irritated - I don't think he's for u

KitKat1985 · 13/09/2017 10:23

If things are starting to become a bit more serious and you like him apart from this, then do try and talk to him about it. I had a friend who had a similar issue with her DP, and eventually she snapped one day and told him she found him really irritating. When they talked about it later he admitted it was a bit of a nervous habit and he acted silly to cover up the fact he was feeling a bit insecure. He's toned it down a lot now.

Yika · 13/09/2017 10:26

I would tell him, I don't think it's a binnable offence unless he can't or won't change. To me it just sounds like a silly habit.

You say about that you like everything else about him - so tell him that - but also tell him honestly that his silliness grates.

abigailgabble · 13/09/2017 10:27

you aren't right for each other. this will bug you more and more. you are young and it's run its course. no worries. when you meet the right man there won't be any questioning.

AJPTaylor · 13/09/2017 10:30

Tell him
Tell him
Tell him

Original poster

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 10:35

TheseMangoes That video is HILARIOUS! It's totally like that on a slightly lesser level.

I think the next time he acts in a silly way I'll bring it up in a lighthearted manner and just explain that he's great, but the childish act needs to go if the sex is to continue!

KitKat I do think you might be onto something with the insecurity. He asks me all the time what I was thinking when we did X or when we went on X date etc. He also seems to have a fear of gaining weight (he's a totally normal weight for a guy of his height) and will often say "I hope you like chubby men" or something of that sort.

OP posts:

bookwormsforever · 13/09/2017 10:45

Crapcrisps - Bin him. Things that are irritating like this will just become unbearable and then one day everything will go all blurry and you'll find him in chunks in the bath. End it for his own safety.

needmymouthsewnup · 13/09/2017 10:46

I seriously can't understand all the 'bin him' comments! OP says he's great in every other way, give the poor guy a chance to hear why she finds it annoying.

OP, when I first met my husband (18 yrs ago) he had this really annoying habit of taking everything you said and turning it into an innuendo. So I told him I found it annoying and he stopped doing it. It was really quite easy...

Do people in real life actually dump people over such little things? Or is it something you just say on a random forum?

MrKaplan · 13/09/2017 10:52

I dumped a dp of a year over this. In the end he was literally waiting inside the door for me when I got home and would do a penguin walk towards me and I would recoil. The more irritated I got the more insecure he got and the more he would do it.
No one understood it cos on paper he was perfect but I wanted to go out with a man, not a child.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 13/09/2017 10:53

He sounds like DH's mate. He's mid-40s and hasn't grown out of it. He's a lovely bloke, but excruciatingly hard work to spend time with, particularly if he's got an audience to entertain. If it irritates now, it'll do your head in before long.

FizzyGreenWater · 13/09/2017 10:54

TELL HIM!!!

Nomoresunshine · 13/09/2017 10:57

Practice your resting bitch face and ask him how old is he - mid ridiculous behaviour. .
Tbh my dh was a bit daft at the start but think nerves of a new relationship and us being complete strangers initially and finding boundaries etc were the cause . Didn't last long and he is no way a man - child (had one previously so do know the signs!!)
Speak up or ltb. .

Only1scoop · 13/09/2017 10:59

'would do a penguin walk towards me and I would recoil.'

Sorry this just made me howl

Think you made the right choice though

puddingpen · 13/09/2017 11:00

This sort of thing would really annoy me in most people. However, my partner does similar things and they don't annoy me at all. It's one of the reasons I know I love him. If these things annoy you I think you should consider it might be a sign that you are not right for each other.

MorrisZapp · 13/09/2017 11:02

I would have to bin. I loathe the idea that baby voices, silly walks etc represent a 'sense of humour'.

Do you see Frankie Boyle affecting a baby voice and expecting a shag?

ToEarlyForDecorations · 13/09/2017 11:06

Erm, he sounds like he's got the potential to be hard work.

You will also be expected to be his confidence coach ALL-THE-TIME.

The more you put up with the more you will get. Until it becomes a threat because he knows just how to irritate you. Then the attention seeking will start.

If he comes across as hurt if you draw it to his attention and you feel like the guilty party for hurting him then that's quite a red flag i.e. he does not expect to be questioned or be asked to change.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where someone was at their wits' end because her husband would talk in baby voices and say things like, 'wee we we wee whilst leaning back on the sofa with his heels up' instead of just saying, 'I'm going to the loo' or something like that. That was just the tip of the iceberg. There was more, much more.

She pulled him up about it and he said, 'ok, I'll be good'. So, basically he COULD control it.

(What happened to that thread, btw ?)

Albinohedgehogs · 13/09/2017 11:08

Oh no sounds very babyish be careful he doesn't force you into the role of mum.

numbmum83 · 13/09/2017 11:11

I had an ex who was similar when drunk and had had that 1 too many and if got to the point where I couldn't bear look at him and it ruined a few nights out coz other people thought he was so funny but he made me cringe and I think it just took over the rship until I couldn't take anymore .

It's his personality and if you don't "get it" it's time to move on , why change him ? He's obv not the one for you.

RaincloudOfDoom · 13/09/2017 11:12

That's him, it's who he is. And there are women out there who would love a silly baby-talk partner, believe it or not. If you can get him to stop you'd only succeed in squashing part of his natural personality.

Throw him back into the dating pool and look for someone more compatible. I'd highly recommend not trying to live with it. If it irritates you now, you'll be pulling your hair out after ten years. (Unless he manages to wear you down and you start posting on MN as IckleWickleMamaBunnikins...)

Original poster

girlconfused · 13/09/2017 11:14

MrK "Would do a penguin walk towards me and I would recoil" Oh God he does this too. Or he'll come up behind me and poke my bum and say "Boop! I touched your booty!".

I think this is either the beginning of the end OR I really need to bring it up ASAP.

OP posts:

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