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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tattoo

312 replies

2much2do2littletime2doit · 12/09/2017 14:50

So had my first hen do away just recently and all the hen had a tiny (old 50p) sized tattoo, on our feet. I already have a tattoo from 20+ years ago, my DH of 7 years is not keen on them, which I did know. However come home and he says he now wants a divorce. That using the excuse it's my body is a 'lefty' argument and he has the choice not to look at it, that he's now no longer attracted to me because of it. I will point out we normally get on very well, no issues apart from the normal petty things. I completely think he's over reacting.

OP posts:
FenceSitter01 · 12/09/2017 15:04

O/T missing the point - are there new 50p's?

strawberrygate · 12/09/2017 15:05

No, it's him really really not liking tattoos. he was able to get over the one she already had as it was already there. To have another is a big "fuck you and what you really hate, I'm having one anyway".
he's not being controlling, she's showing a lack of empathy and respect for her partner. without respect for each other you have no proper relationship

CockacidalManiac · 12/09/2017 15:05

Did they have to shave your foot first?

squoosh · 12/09/2017 15:06

How many people were on the hen? I'd have been the prim and proper one who'd have said no thanks to having loose change tattooed on my trotter.

strawberrygate · 12/09/2017 15:06

Polliver I'd very much question if they were the person i thought they were. I make my views on tattoos very well known, if my husband came home with one it would be his way of saying he doesn't give a shit about me anymore

Original poster
2much2do2littletime2doit · 12/09/2017 15:07

It wasn't a picture of a 50p 😂

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/09/2017 15:07

He is being controlling. She might also be unreasonable, but he is being controlling.

On a side note when DH grew a beard I paid him $50 to shave. Win:win in our house.

dementedpixie · 12/09/2017 15:07

Bollocks, it's her body and if she wants a small tattoo she can get one.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 12/09/2017 15:08

strawberry but he clearly has absolutely no respect for her, or for her choices. Even if I were to buy that explanation for his behaviour which I don't he's still been a real arse to her and actually I would think they perhaps just aren't meant to be together.

Original poster
2much2do2littletime2doit · 12/09/2017 15:08

I really appreciate people's different thoughts on this. I suppose I am a lot more relaxed about most things and don't really get wound up by things. I would be puzzled but not so savagely cross about it.

OP posts:
strawberrygate · 12/09/2017 15:09

But she has no respect for him when she knew he didn't like them. Sounds like a pretty shitty relationship all round then

apostropheuse · 12/09/2017 15:10

i think it's bizarre that the whole group of women got a tattoo. It's kind of an immature teenager thing to do. Perhaps that's part of the problem.

strawberrygate · 12/09/2017 15:11

"2much2do" when you agreed to have it done, did it cross your mind that your husband would be really unhappy about it?

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 12/09/2017 15:13

I am just honestly baffled at the very idea that the tattoo is genuinely the issue for him. I can't believe someone could go from being in a happy, loving relationship to wanting a divorce on the basis of a tiny black mark on someone's foot.

AtHomeDadGlos · 12/09/2017 15:14

I think YWBU to get a tattoo knowing that your DH doesn't like them.

Yes, your body is your own, but when you marry someone you make a commitment to each other. That involves respecting their opinions and views. A drunken tattoo commemorating someone's hen do is unreasonable.

Maybe you could look at having it removed? I suppose it comes down to whether you like the tattoo more than him.

strawberrygate · 12/09/2017 15:15

everythingeverywhere because some people are genuinely repulsed by them ( not that baffling )

Trb17 · 12/09/2017 15:16

The tattoo is not the issue.

Sounds like he wanted a divorce beforehand and now you've given him the excuse he cowardly needed.

Any one that falls out of love with someone over a tattoo needs to reconsider what they call love I'm afraid.

PollyFlint · 12/09/2017 15:16

he now wants a divorce

And your marriage was perfectly fine up until this point, was it?

Right. Hmm

Original poster
2much2do2littletime2doit · 12/09/2017 15:16

Strawberrygate I didn't expect him to congratulate me, I expected more along the lines of 'You idiot' or something along those lines. Probably a lecture about it and then leave it at that.

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 12/09/2017 15:16

Thank you for telling me what is and isn't baffling to me strawberry Hmm

samG76 · 12/09/2017 15:17

I'm with strawberry - would be a major thing for us - probably divorce-worthy, but there is as much chance of DH getting one as of him being invited onto Strictly...

DiegoMadonna · 12/09/2017 15:20

So many mumsnetters who are deluded about their partners.

"He's incredibly kind"?? Really????

However come home and he says he now wants a divorce. That using the excuse it's my body is a 'lefty' argument and he has the choice not to look at it, that he's now no longer attracted to me because of it.

No, an incredibly kind man would NEVER act like this or talk like this. He's a prick. If my husband said something like this to me I'd tell him he knows where the door is. But then, I'd never marry somebody who would act that way in the first place.

Chapterandverse · 12/09/2017 15:21

How bizarre.

My brother in law hates tattoos as well, but didn't threaten to divorce my sister when she (and their 16 yr old dd) came home with one!

This is about something else.

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 15:22

You know he despises them yet went ahead and got one anyway.

He correctly assumes you think he's a mug imo.

PollyFlint · 12/09/2017 15:22

some people are genuinely repulsed by them

Unless he has some sort of foot fetish, he's rarely even going to see the bloody thing, let alone have the opportunity to be 'repulsed' by it. It's a small mark on her foot, not a spider's web over her face.

If men can continue to find their wives attractive after mastectomies, alopecia, facial scarring, amputations and all manner of other physical changes, I'm sure most normal men could get over a small mark on a foot, FFS.

Either:

a) he isn't serious
b) he's actually been desperate for an excuse to leave for ages
c) he's mad as a lorry and the OP is better off out of it
d) this never happened.

Take your pick.