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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tattoo

312 replies

2much2do2littletime2doit · 12/09/2017 14:50

So had my first hen do away just recently and all the hen had a tiny (old 50p) sized tattoo, on our feet. I already have a tattoo from 20+ years ago, my DH of 7 years is not keen on them, which I did know. However come home and he says he now wants a divorce. That using the excuse it's my body is a 'lefty' argument and he has the choice not to look at it, that he's now no longer attracted to me because of it. I will point out we normally get on very well, no issues apart from the normal petty things. I completely think he's over reacting.

OP posts:
CrizzleMyShizzle · 13/09/2017 11:10

Maybe she finds you condescending because you write in a condescending manner. Just a thought daddie-o.

heron98 · 13/09/2017 11:15

He sounds like a real dick.

I am not a fan of tattoos, they're not for me. My DP has one - I don't really like it but so what? it's his body, not mine and I really wouldn't care if he got more. It doesn't change the way I feel about him.

flutterby12 · 13/09/2017 11:16

You disrespected his wishes - he's not your father! There must be more to this. He sounds like a bellend, sorry.

NewDaddie · 13/09/2017 11:21

Fo shizzle @CrizzleMyShizzle.

FaithHopeCharityDesperation · 13/09/2017 11:27

@NewDaddie

Did you get a chance to re-read the definition of 'autonomy' with fresh eyes this morning?!

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 11:29

I'd have to majorly re-work my opinion of my husband if he came home from a stag do with a tattoo. I'd be horrified.

Sounds like you two have issues and are fundamentally incompatible in any case.

Original poster
2much2do2littletime2doit · 13/09/2017 11:34

@Anatidae - yes, yes and yes

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 13/09/2017 11:37

NewDaddie oh dear, hope you haven't been rude again with yet another deleted post.

OP, obviously you need to get to the bottom of this. Your husband seems to have gone off the deep end over nothing. However, if he is serious about this, start protecting yourself now. Get yourself in order legally. Quite frankly if this isn't the beginning of the end, the next minor 'indiscretion' on your part may be.

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/09/2017 11:38

Xpost. Actually if that's the case op, just get out, no one needs that sort of person around anyway.

NewDaddie · 13/09/2017 11:59

@MumsnetHQ

How is the below post, against talk guidelines?

If you find me condescending then it has everything to do with what's between your ears and nothing to do with what's between your legs.

Who am I personally attacking. Where is the offensive language? How is that trolling, misleading or inflammatory?

I'm making it clear to people trying to infer that I disagree with them based on their gender that they are WRONG. The only truth in that assumption that MN is a majority female forum so it's more likely that if I disagree with someone, when I disagree with someone they are more likely to be a woman here.

You will be aware from my history that I do not report personal attacks or inferences. This is because it disrupts the flow, it can become petty, I trust people to be objective when they rtft and moreover I'm thick skinned enough.

I appreciate your job is hard.

Thank you

NB. I have less deleted posts than I have fingers on one hand & my post history is there for all to see/check. But whatever. I've got work to do. and a naughty step with my name on it

DiegoMadonna · 13/09/2017 12:28

ROFL

malificent7 · 13/09/2017 12:46

Anyone who wants a tattoo but dosnt get one because their dp dosnt like it is a surrendered wife.

Fuck disrespecting your dp. HE is the one being distespectful.. and humourless to boot.

malificent7 · 13/09/2017 12:49

Disrespectful..

Definately dont get a removal... remove him instead!

When i got a tat i got no end of grief from the older men in my family... dad and uncle.

Luckily my dp loved it... he has a few.

If it was a shit tat id laugh!

malificent7 · 13/09/2017 13:01

Typos agggggr!

Headofthehive55 · 13/09/2017 13:07

IT does strike me that there is fundamental incompatibility with couples if one likes them and one finds them repulsive generally.

It's a bit like wanting kids, or not. You both really have to be on the same page.

Anatidae · 13/09/2017 13:09

@Anatidae - yes, yes and yes

Ok, well then I suggest that the tattoo itself isn't the actual issue.

Is he controlling of you generally? Is it his way or the highway? And you've done something he specifically told you not to and boom?

Because I think people are hearing 'tattoo' and instantly adding in their own feelings about tattoos. But that's not the point here - the point is his huge and disproportionate reaction to something that he may not like, but isn't something that should harm your marriage.

I'm thinking of what dh could do that'd make me walk out the door like that. It's serious stuff, like cheating, hurting our child etc. A tattoo really is not in that league.

If I were you I'd think about if you feel he's controlling- if he is then frankly let him walk.

I hope you're ok.

outofmymind2 · 13/09/2017 13:20

Shocked by the number of people saying tattoos 'repulse' them!
You don't have to look and people don't get them to offend you.

I got as far as he's looking for legal advice and had to comment. How can you call this man kind and loving when he's saying he wants to divorce because you got a minuscule tattoo on your foot?! He married you when you already had them but wants rid because of a new '50p' size one.

I guess I'm on the other side of the majority of these comments as I'm covered - I have nearly completed my full sleeve & have about 15 others spread about. I absolutely love tasteful tattoos.

I can't believe someone would throw a marriage away over a tattoo Confused
And that some people would genuinely kick off over their partner getting one. I'm shook Shock

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 13:27

I can't believe someone would throw a marriage away over a tattoo

It's not really the tattoo, though, is it?

It's one of these lightening rod subjects that inspire strong feelings. My husband and I are pretty repulsed by people who wear PJs outside of the house (we're not keen on tattoos, either). If I started wearing PJs to the shops, he would struggle - vice/versa. You could just as easily say, I can't believe you'd end a marriage over wearing PJs to the shops, but it would change his view of me.

outofmymind2 · 13/09/2017 13:45

I get that tiptop but she already had them. If he hated them that much to end a marriage surely he hated them too much to even start a marriage

Anatidae · 13/09/2017 13:49

It's not about the tattoo.

Op has said he has a short fuse, overreacts etc.

Jude66 · 13/09/2017 13:59

Basically, understandably, maybe he just hates tattoos? Not everyone likes them and why should everyone have to?

You presumably had the first one long before you met him, so it was just something he accepted.

The clue may be in you saying you'd been on your first hen party - was he ok with you going? Maybe he just wonders if you've changed or if he knows you as well as he thought he did? Going on a hen party and then returning with a tattoo may have rightly or wrongly, have thrown him out of his comfort zone?

DiegoMadonna · 13/09/2017 14:00

My husband and I are pretty repulsed by people who wear PJs outside of the house (we're not keen on tattoos, either). If I started wearing PJs to the shops, he would struggle - vice/versa. You could just as easily say, I can't believe you'd end a marriage over wearing PJs to the shops, but it would change his view of me

I don't really think you have a point, except that you and your husband are just as weird/ridiculous as the people who would end a marriage over a tattoo.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/09/2017 14:07

I agree with @Anatidae that this smacks of a control issue not a tattoo issue.

I might be disappointed if DH got another tat (he has a truly terrible teenage one) or grew a beard. We've both gained and lost weight.

What would I divorce him for? Cheating, putting other people's needs entirely above mine for no good reason without talking to me, endangering DD's health or wellbeing. Something really life-altering like an addiction that affected us. Ummmmm a mental or physical health issue that he totally refused to address that hurt us. Abuse. Can't think of many others.

I think 'defying' OP's DH is the actual reason. Unless he's cheating and this is his out.

TipTopTipTopClop · 13/09/2017 14:53

I get that tiptop but she already had them.

Youthful indiscretion.....?

Holowiwi · 13/09/2017 15:31

If he has actually committed to divorcing which seems to be the case then how is he being controlling? He hasn't asked her to remove it or he is leaving. Looks like he basically said oh you got a tattoo even though I hate them that's fine I don't have to stick around though bye.
An extreme reaction but I guess that is who he is.