Tattoo

[2much2do2littletime2doit]

So had my first hen do away just recently and all the hen had a tiny (old 50p) sized tattoo, on our feet. I already have a tattoo from 20+ years ago, my DH of 7 years is not keen on them, which I did know. However come home and he says he now wants a divorce. That using the excuse it's my body is a 'lefty' argument and he has the choice not to look at it, that he's now no longer attracted to me because of it. I will point out we normally get on very well, no issues apart from the normal petty things. I completely think he's over reacting.

Ok, ND, I'll explain (despite your insulting post).

You said:

If I wanted to keep my body autonomy I wouldn't have got married.

Indicating that by getting married your gave up - at least in part - your body autonomy.

You clarified that by saying I will never have freedom from influence over my body.

Influence is not the same thing as body autonomy. You can have complete autonomy over your body while being amenable to other people's influence (not just your spouse) - happens all the time. DH probably won't grow a beard because he knows I don't like them, but he retains the right to do so.

So turns out what you actually meant was "If I had wanted to remain free of anyone else's opinions on my appearance I wouldn't have got married". Nothing whatsoever to do with body autonomy. And since women who were married actually did give up body autonomy (as in their husbands could not rape them in the eyes of the law) until relatively recently, your statement is fairly insensitive and obnoxious as well as being an inaccurate reflection of your own opinion.

So maybe you do understand both words but are just incapable of using them correctly.

it will make a refreshing change from being subjected to the very special kind of stupid

Thank goodness for you, NewDaddie. Where would we poor, weak women be without your very special kind of assholery to keep us on the straight and narrow?

NewDaddie, why do you keep using this forum? Except to be deliberately argumentative, patronising and obtuse?

Ffs I'm not sure what definition of autonomy you're using @Pallisers but influence is definitely part of the definition of autonomy.

I'm using the oxford definition.

And I can't believe I wasted 5 minutes of my life on Google to double check this. All the definitions I read have control as the first part and then influence or some synonym of influence or inference of influence as the second part of the definition.

@Pallisers just allow yourself to be wrong. It won't kill you.

& @NearLifeExperience do you actually come to AIBU on mumsnet of all places to debate. Bless your heart I laughed out loud and I can see why your marriage is so effortlessly successful you must have the patience of a bloody saint.

Now I can't even get the formatting right.

Oh well. Bedtime for daddie.

I'm still right about autonomy whether you bloody like it or not.

OP it would shock me greatly if DH had a tattoo. He knows I find them hideous so if he then got one I'd wonder what he was trying to tell me. I'd assume he didn't give a damn what I thought.

To those that commented about hair styles, clothes and make up - they are all changeable. If I wore dramatic make up that DH didn't like, it could be gone the next day. Tattoos are permanent. You're stuck with them.

NewDaddie, why do you keep using this forum? Except to be deliberately argumentative, patronising and obtuse?

It is strange, isn't it. I often wonder why men who clearly dislike hearing women's opinions spend so much time reading them.

I do understand why men always like to be right though.

You're still a condescending twat too

whiteroseredrose having an opinion or feeling about something doesn't automatically equate to 'You/I must not do that', it's about compromise. A tattoo isn't an unreasonable thing to have, just because you dislike them. Often they are easy to hide and not at all garish/offensive.

As for the 'you can change hair but tattoos are forever' argument, your perceptions of people change and adapt regardless of how they modify themselves. In fact, it's more disconcerting to constantly change things like hair/make up/styles, even piercings, than having a tattoo that eventually just becomes 'part of the body' as much as a scar or blemish.

But Edmund, why would you do something that you know your partner hates?

But Edmund, why would you do something that you know your partner hates?

For autonomy, dear Liza, dear Liza, dear Liza

Equally why would you react so strongly to something your partner did to their own body, that has no impact on you (it's on a foot, hardly in your face) and has no bearing on your relationship (i.e. it's not an affair, financial abuse etc.)?

As an aside,why do so many men on MN make it very clear in their username that they're male? It doesn't give you any special insight, you know.
Personally, I don't care if you've got a cock or not.

Its a tat the size of a 50p piece on her foot which will hardly be noticed unless she walks around barefoot and her oh always looks at the ground when he is walking around.

What she does with her body is entirely up to her. Her oh can have an opinion on something but that doesnt mean she cant do what she wants, he cannot tell her she cannot ever have another tattoo. It makes no difference to the person she was prior to getting it.

She already had one and has refrained from getting another for 20 + years. I think if she wants another one she can please herself. 20+ years is long enough.

It's obviously a female dominated forum so it allows others to know what angle you are coming from.

Yeah, because your opinion is special and everyone should just stop and listen.

autonomy
ɔːˈtɒnəmi/
noun
freedom from external control or influence; independence.

Absolutely no mention at all of influence being a 'part' of autonomy.
Other than obviously being the thing that autonomy gives you freedom from.

It's really not that difficult to comprehend Newdaddie.

Yeah, because your opinion is special and everyone should just stop and listen.

Who said, or even implied that?

You seem very balanced, you've a chip on both shoulders.

It would give me the heebie jeebies. It's visceral. I can't settle if DD writes a phone number on her hand - if one of them got a tattoo I'd have to tie myself down to stop myself having a go at it with a scrubbing brush and bleach!

So if DH deliberately got one, knowing how I feel I'd take it as an indication that he doesn't really care about me.

There's this thing you can do where you make it clear what parts of your post are somebody else's words/posts.

You can:

Bold
Italic
Underline

You can even:

Cross out

It's really cool.
It means that your posts don't appear as incoherent.

Obviously, there are also the old staples:

"...quotation marks, and ellipses..."

Would you have married him if he already had a tattoo though, whiterose?

FaithHope

Exactly. It's all just reading like weird streams of consciousness.

*There's this thing you can do where you make it clear what parts of your post are somebody else's words/posts.

You can:

Bold
Italic
Underline

You can even:

Cross out

It's really cool.
It means that your posts don't appear as incoherent.

Obviously, there are also the old staples:

"...quotation marks, and ellipses..."*

Fair enough, I thought it might differentiate automatically. It's a pretty basic forum.

edmund
It's your opinion that it's not unreasonable to have a tattoo.
I would find it easier for him to have another woman. If body autonomy is so sacrosanct why do people mind their partner sleeping with others - after all, why tell someone what they can do?

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