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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on holiday with my daughter

158 replies

Tallysan · 12/09/2017 12:00

DD 18 started her first full time job a few months ago. She told me recently that she and her boyfriend of 2 years are planning on going on holiday next June to Greece.

It made me think how much I'd like to go on holiday and I said I thought it was a great idea and wished I could afford to do that. I last went on holiday for a week in the south of France about 2 years ago with DP, while DD1 (then 16, nearly 17) and her boyfriend looked after DD2 (then 8) alongside a couple of nights at their dad's. DD and her boyfriend are both very responsible and her dad was on hand.

Anyway I've always wanted to go to Greece. DD saw how much I'd like to go and offered to pay for the flights for me, DD2 and DP to come for the first week of their fortnight away. There is space in the apartment they are planning to book and she has also said she will rent a bigger car the first week. Flights aren't on sale yet I don't think but it's only Easyjet or Ryanair so not hugely expensive. She has said we will just need spending money. I very gratefully said yes.

I was telling my friend what a good girl DD is and how generous, but my friend started saying she thinks it's not fair for DD to spend her money on us and that I am hijacking her first time abroad being independent. She was especially put out by the fact that DD intends to put part of the cost on a credit card with an initial 0% offer because I'm encouraging debt?! I don't think this matters as she can afford to pay it off in time though of course it will be a little more now. My friend also then suddenly hit me with all this stuff about how she thinks I shouldn't take money off DD at all (she gives me money every week and has since her first job at 16). I was just really shocked how she started saying all this stuff out of the blue!! I don't think it's unreasonable to take DD up on her offer, we've always been on benefits and struggled and now she is earning some money it's nice for us all to benefit. But now I'm wondering if I'm wrong.

OP posts:
opheliacat · 12/09/2017 12:03

I'm with your friend, sorry.

ballestief · 12/09/2017 12:03

It's none of your friends business what you do. If you are happy and your daughter is happy, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?

splendidisolation · 12/09/2017 12:05

Sorry but I agree with your friend.
Why does she give you money every week? What for?

kaytee87 · 12/09/2017 12:05

I'm with your friend (bar her weekly dig money which is reasonably)

RapunzelsRealMom · 12/09/2017 12:07

Digs money is fine but your 18 year old daughter should not be subsiding you especially when it means she is in debt to do so.

MickeyLuv · 12/09/2017 12:08

If your daughter could afford to pay then I would say go for it but as she is having to put some on a credit card...

I'm with your friend on this one, I think YABU, sorry.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 12/09/2017 12:10

Your DD sounds lovely, and good on you for raising such a thoughtful young woman. Go and enjoy the holiday.

I'd be mildly concerned about her going into debt for it, and if I could I'd try to avoid it - if you can maybe put aside some of the money she gives you weekly to help pay off the flights?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 12/09/2017 12:10

I was just imagining her boyfriend's face!

Presumably her daughter's giving her money because she's earning and wants to contribute?

I wouldn't go on the holiday, though, OP. I wouldn't let her go into debt for a holiday - that really isn't fair. And it's only a couple of years since you went away; it's not as though it was decades ago.

Branleuse · 12/09/2017 12:10

You might be surprised at just how much more expensive it will be for her to book a larger car. We did this when my mum came for the first week of our family holiday last year and it ended up costing about £800 to hire a 6 seater car rather than a couple of hundred for the 5 seater.

I actually think you should not intrude on your dds first holiday away with her boyfriend though.

ujerneyson · 12/09/2017 12:11

I agree with your friend. You are not unreasonable to want a holiday but you are unreasonable to allow your daughter to pay for it when she can't afford it and you ARE encouraging her to get into debt. She's a lovely girl to offer to pay for you but really, you should have told her what a lovely thought it is but that she should go and have a wonderful time with her boyfriend.

Justgivemesomepeace · 12/09/2017 12:12

Absolutely no way would I allow anyone to get in debt so I could have a holiday. If she had the money and wanted to treat you, that's ok but not to put her in debt!

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/09/2017 12:13

Yes ok.

MagnumAddict · 12/09/2017 12:13

Your daughter sounds lovely so you have raised a nice girl.

That being said I wholeheartedly agree YABU.

I would think that anyway even if she could afford it but the fact you are happy with her 'paying it off in time' on a credit card astonishes me. It's not her job to look after you and the rest of the family.

Apart from anything else she's 18. Let her have her fun in the sun with her bf. It seems she feels worse leaving you behind than you felt leaving her behind two years ago....

Littleredhouse · 12/09/2017 12:13

I think your friend is right. You shouldn't let your daughter get into debt to pay for you to come on holiday.

Bringmewineandcake · 12/09/2017 12:16

Don't let your daughter get into debt so that you can go on holiday. If you and your DP want to go to Greece so much then you'll have to save for your own break.

nodogsinthebedroom · 12/09/2017 12:16

I'm principle I think it's fine (I took my parents away when i got my first job) but only if she can do it without getting into debt.

Piratesandpants · 12/09/2017 12:16

I agree with your friend. But it my all irrelevant anyway, the holiday could all be cancelled... when she tells her boyfriend the plan. Can't imagine anything worse for him Grin

Piratesandpants · 12/09/2017 12:17

But I should add, your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman.

TheVanguardSix · 12/09/2017 12:17

I'm going out on a limb.

You've got all the hallmarks of a lovely mum who has a good relationship with her daughter but you are dependent upon her.

Let her take flight and spread her wings without you hanging about OP. It's great that you're close but let her breathe.

And the 'she's earning and it's nice for us to all benefit' is a horrible mentality. Leech like mentality. Don't look to your daughter to buy you your fun and games. That bit of your post really is off-putting. You're happy to just take from DD who is embarking on her independence. Don't hamper her life with your wants.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 12/09/2017 12:17

If your daughter gives you money as rent then that is fair ( although I disagree with it starting at 16 as she is still under your care as a minor) but we all have our own financial situations and it sounds like you needed the money.
I don't think your DD should be acquiring debt to take you on holiday but if she's happy to do it then fair enough - sounds like you have a lovely and generous DD

Justmuddlingalong · 12/09/2017 12:18

You are totally changing the dynamics of your DD's holiday. Let them have a holiday alone, as they did you and your DP, by watching your younger DD.

RhubardGin · 12/09/2017 12:20

I don't think it's unreasonable to take DD up on her offer, we've always been on benefits and struggled and now she is earning some money it's nice for us all to benefit

So because your DD has made something of herself and become independent that gives you the right to start sponging off her?

I can't believe that you see nothing wrong in what you're doing.

If you want to go to Greece get of your arse and pay for it yourself!

YABU x1000

I feel sorry for the boyfriend. His holiday is being hijacked by his girlfriends grabby mum!

sourpatchkid · 12/09/2017 12:20

Sorry but if you want to go on holiday why don't you get yourself into your own debt?

I pay for this for my mum, but I'm 40 and well paid. It's a little unfair to be burdening her with this at such a young age, where does it stop? Will she always have to pay for your holidays?

SandunesAndRainclouds · 12/09/2017 12:20

I was with you until you said it was on a credit card. I wouldn't be encouraging her or you to get into debt to go on holiday- even though it would be a lovely family time.

splendidisolation · 12/09/2017 12:22

"Anyway I've always wanted to go to Greece. DD saw how much I'd like to go and offered to pay"

So basically you guilt tripped her into inviting you.

Get some money in and pay for your own holidays, jesus.

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