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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on holiday with my daughter

158 replies

Tallysan · 12/09/2017 12:00

DD 18 started her first full time job a few months ago. She told me recently that she and her boyfriend of 2 years are planning on going on holiday next June to Greece.

It made me think how much I'd like to go on holiday and I said I thought it was a great idea and wished I could afford to do that. I last went on holiday for a week in the south of France about 2 years ago with DP, while DD1 (then 16, nearly 17) and her boyfriend looked after DD2 (then 8) alongside a couple of nights at their dad's. DD and her boyfriend are both very responsible and her dad was on hand.

Anyway I've always wanted to go to Greece. DD saw how much I'd like to go and offered to pay for the flights for me, DD2 and DP to come for the first week of their fortnight away. There is space in the apartment they are planning to book and she has also said she will rent a bigger car the first week. Flights aren't on sale yet I don't think but it's only Easyjet or Ryanair so not hugely expensive. She has said we will just need spending money. I very gratefully said yes.

I was telling my friend what a good girl DD is and how generous, but my friend started saying she thinks it's not fair for DD to spend her money on us and that I am hijacking her first time abroad being independent. She was especially put out by the fact that DD intends to put part of the cost on a credit card with an initial 0% offer because I'm encouraging debt?! I don't think this matters as she can afford to pay it off in time though of course it will be a little more now. My friend also then suddenly hit me with all this stuff about how she thinks I shouldn't take money off DD at all (she gives me money every week and has since her first job at 16). I was just really shocked how she started saying all this stuff out of the blue!! I don't think it's unreasonable to take DD up on her offer, we've always been on benefits and struggled and now she is earning some money it's nice for us all to benefit. But now I'm wondering if I'm wrong.

OP posts:
BackieJerkhart · 12/09/2017 12:31

This is very clearly a wind up thread. Don't invest in it people.

hardhatfirmlyon · 12/09/2017 12:32

So you feel totally happy sponging off her and her getting into debt as a result Hmm?

Its not so much entitled as a a bit parasitic - she must have an amazing boyfriend if he doesn't mind his MIL tagging along on a romantic holiday for two. I agree with your friend wholeheartedly and think you are taking massive advantage of your DD's good nature (and surely surely you must feel a bit awkward unless you have entirely normalised being given handouts )

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/09/2017 12:33

Op you made an error saying you left your 7 year old with your 16 year old dd.
This is mumsnet where 16 year olds are really 18 year old son in disguise.
If you had said your dd was 15 I think you would have got the response you were hoping for.

hardhatfirmlyon · 12/09/2017 12:33

BackieJerkhart Yep - you are right - honestly the bridge dwellers are out in force this week! Shouldn't feed them, apologies!

SilverySurfer · 12/09/2017 12:34

YABVU. Your DD sounds lovely but I agree with your friend and cannot believe you would go on this holiday knowing that it will mean your DD going into debt by putting it on her credit card. I also doubt the BF will be too happy.

Arrange your own holiday on your own credit card. I can't believe you are even considering letting your DD do this.

becotide · 12/09/2017 12:34

You are taking advantage of her good nature. My children would give me the earth if I asked them, because they are good people. I would never, ever ask them for anything like this. Putting a foreign holiday on a credit card is ridiclously irresponsible and it's appalling that you allow this for the sake of your own wish to go on holiday. You are treating her like a cash cow and it's reprehensible.

skyzumarubble · 12/09/2017 12:35

YAB really U.

dinosaursandtea · 12/09/2017 12:36

I don't know - this sounds exactly like the kind of thing some families do! And it's handy, because it means that the DD will never be quite financially stable enough to be truly independent....

5rivers7hills · 12/09/2017 12:36

I'm with your friend.

Why on earth do you want your child to get into debt so you can go abroad???

funkymonkey1234 · 12/09/2017 12:37

If you are hellbent on what on the surface looks a terrible idea then I don't understand why you aren't offering to assist with the credit card repayments at a minimum?

kaytee87 · 12/09/2017 12:38

God I missed the last bit too

Birdshitbridgegotme · 12/09/2017 12:39

Wow is all I can say

Justdontknow4321 · 12/09/2017 12:39

What the hell. Your letting your daughter put a Holiday on a credit card so you could go as well.. sort it out.

Fruitbat1980 · 12/09/2017 12:40

YANBU. When I got my first job I took my little sister (aged 10) to the Caribbean for a week. My mum and dad got a week of parenting duty and I had an amazing time with little sis in a fab all inclusive resort that my parents would have hated 😂 Some kids (me included) would do ANYTHING for their family to repay the kindness and love they were shown growing up

ljny · 12/09/2017 12:41

.

dinosaursandtea · 12/09/2017 12:41

Fruitbat There's a difference between taking a child away and bailing out adults who are jealous their 'D'C is having a holiday!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/09/2017 12:41

Yabu. She can't afford it. I've earned well since my mid 20s but I only recently started paying for/towards my parents to come on holiday so they can look after my children.

starsorwater · 12/09/2017 12:42

Stop wondering. You're wrong.

ladyyyglittersparkles · 12/09/2017 12:42

Fuck offfffffffff 😂🙄

GreenTulips · 12/09/2017 12:42

And you're a grown up?

Quartz2208 · 12/09/2017 12:42

yep you are wrong

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 12:43

I wouldn't pay any attention to your friend, if your daughter didn't want you there she wouldn't have offered.

Your friend is maybe jealous.

MrsOverTheRoad · 12/09/2017 12:44

First time poster everyone.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 12/09/2017 12:44

This has to be a reverse. Hmm

Beebee7 · 12/09/2017 12:45

I agree that YABU, but I don't think you're a bad person for it. And your daughter sounds lovely.

However, there is no way in hell that I would have muscled in on and hijacked my daughter and her boyfriend's holiday away. I don't know HE thinks, but I would imagine he is not not chuffed.

If I were you I would decline. And as a few posters have said, book your own trip OR wait til next time, and arrange it with your daughter and her boyfriend, and make sure they are BOTH OK with it, and that you all share the costs. She sounds lovely and it's nice she wants to help her struggling mother, but I don't think she is a high flying executive on 70K is she???

I agree you have guilt tripped her as well (though probably not out of malice.) What about your partner? Why isn't HE contributing?

Sorry OP, none of this is making you look very good.

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