To feel at times that I live on an entirely different planet to other MNers?

[RozDoyle]

I'm not criticising. This place is great. I have had some amazingly advice and support from people here and it's brilliant. But sometimes i feel like I live in a completely different world to a lot of posters here. I probably won't articulate this very well but I'm going to have a bash.

Examples:

• little boys in dresses/the whole "gender neutral" thing. Literally all the parents I know irl just dress their kids in clothes typical to their sex i.e. Boys wear "boys clothes" and girls wear "girls clothes" and nothing is ever said about it. I have never seen a little boy in a dress, for example, because they'd likely be told not to wear a dress in case they were teased. Sad, but true..

• parents who cook every single meal from scratch. Always mega healthy and nutritious, and talk about it like it's the norm. In my world, most parents work and are simply too busy to cook from scratch every night (or too tired). No one "batch cooks" at the weekend. Its just whatever they can chuck in the oven after a hard day.

• how quick people are to shout "LTB". Now I should emphasise that I am not talking about cases of violence, cheating etc. But things like, a husband not pulling his weight around the house. In my experience, most people can't, and don't want to, leave their husbands, to whom they have children, for issues such as that. It's an extreme solution and it makes me wonder if these same people would really walk out of their marriage over such trivial matters.

I'm sure I have loads more examples but I can't think of them right now. Just wondered if anyone else feels this way?

YANBU

I must live in the same parallel universe as you, OP (although I do very occasionally batch cook ).

I've also never had a stranger park on my drive, had neighbours invade my garden uninvited, had anyone try and use me for free childcare without my consent, had uninvited siblings turn up to parties, don't know any kids with serious food allergies, only know of two people with serious medical dietary restrictions (celiac), haven't had anyone demand/expect special foods at gatherings (if they need something special they take responsibility for it themselves), or whatever else makes for good thread here.

The only people I know who don't drive are due to medical issues (vision problems or epilepsy), or are elderly ladies who never learned back in the 1930s/1940s. If any of my friends or family suffer from anxiety they are doing a damn good job of hiding it.

Most people I know just see to get on and live lives as boring as mine.

@IfNot

I used to work ft but got home at half 5. Dc never went to bed at 7, more like 8, but I'm a fast cook and would come in and start in my coat, have tea ready by 6 ish. I genuinely cook "from scratch " almost every day. Just always have, it's how I was brought up.

Why did you start 'tea' in your coat? Did you have a very cold house?

emmy 🙌

Or why not just bung something in the microwave?

I'm finding the hostility, on this thread, to the different ways of living you encounter on mumsnet quite odd.

I don't get annoyed by people who don't do gender neutral, don't have more than one degree (I have a couple myself), and cook from scratch. I think it's interesting and a valid way to live.

I find it quite an eye-opener that there are people who don't come across it in RL - but I don't consider it completely impossible. I'm sure it's perfectly possible.

Give it to time.

You're lucky you don't understand the LTB things. Most of those responses (ime) come from a place of horrible experienced, and the posters can see the warning signs, even if the op can't.

Re gender neutral stuff. I dress my kids in clothes. Anything with a stupid slogan about boys being monsters, or girls being princesses isnt an option. I prefer random colours to pink and blue

MICROWAVE?

Wash your filthy mouth out ROZ!!!

SheRaaaagh You are absolutely right about 'LTB'.

Cooking from scratch is easy though. It just depends on your level of skill. Not all meals need to be complex.

DS (32 months) in jeans and checked shirt today, now in blue pyjamas, DD (5 months) in pink pinafore dress and navy tights, now in white and pink striped babygro. We had shop bought pizza and salad for tea followed by ice cream. We have a toilet brush! DS had fish fingers and frozen peas for lunch. Neither DD or DS have been breastfed. I am SAHM. I have no cleaner. I hate Facebook. I don't think I fit much either.

I don't doubt you're right about LTB. But it's a huge thing to walk out of a marriage. Huge. It has implications for the children and extended family. I have relatives who separated and it devastated my extended family. It isn't something you can just decide to do one day.

Emmyrose and Roz that make 3 of us. I also have no parking wars, anyone demand special food or con me into free childcare. I did however have a few siblings brought to my dd's party, the parents and siblings were very polite and apologetic about it and you know what? It didn't matter! It was a skating party and they could join in if they wanted. I also had a few extra party bags so a jolly good time was had by all. Grandad did have a go though and broke his wrist.

I don't find the number of anxious people on here that high. It's one in six adults in the UK with a common mental health problem.

As for behaviour like gender neutral dressing, probably on threads like that most people who don't dress their kids in that way just don't comment on the thread.

What's wrong with loo brushes?

I'm always puzzled by the whole evil school gate Alpha Mum/evil PTA thing.

I've never encountered it. Neither have any of my friends at other schools.

I moved to the USA and still haven't encountered it.

Women who know each other stand and chat. seems reasonable.

Women who have the time and dedication kindly volunteer their free time to fun raise by organising fun stuff like school discos and fetes. they all seem very nice and hard working and I'm grateful for the good work they do.

This whole Chair of the PTA rules the playground with a rod of iron while her children get all the leading nativity roles and end of term prizes scenario really can't be as common as MN indicates.

Roz It is a huge thing. And one of the things - by no means the only thing, by a long chalk - is the cultural pressure (on women) to stay. I would say that, in RL, friends and relatives will put subtle pressure on a woman a. not to talk about crap going on in a marriage/relationship b. to stay. Sometimes, they'll do that with the best of intentions, sometimes they'll do that from their own beliefs about what is/is not acceptable, sometimes from a lack of awareness, and sometimes just because they have bought into quite a repressive mindset.

I tend to think that MN is a useful corrective to all that. One of the few places in the whole wide world where you get a message that it is not OK to have your boundaries trampled and it is OK to leave.

I really think you have to put it in context. And the context is a whole world where women are subject to a lot of subtle and overt misogyny.

The men not doing anything in the house thing I wonder if that is generational.

I don't remember any men from when I was a kid in the seventies who did not do stuff. It seemed like they all did gardening, DIY, repaired stuff, decorated etc. All these men now who just do not do anything at all is really shocking.

I'm with @thecatfromjapan.

Having said that ... I would never, ever get upset with a poster who found she couldn't leave right there and then. Anyone who expects/demands a woman do that rather gets my goat.

There are loads of people exactly like you on Mumsnet don't worry about it - there are also lots of people on Mumsnet who are absolutely not like you - accept - find your tribe and don't feel weird or unique because you're not.

I cook from scratch the vast majority of the time, have never really thought it was unusual. But I mostly do it in advance (or my husband does it in advance) so that it just needs reheated after work. I'm not claiming some sort of moral high ground. But tbh we're both quite keen cooks and are interested in food and trying new things, so it's as much a 'hobby' as a feeding the family thing. And there certainly are days when it's fish fingers and oven chips instead.

I'd add to 'find your tribe and realise you're not unique': also try hanging out with people who are different because it can be a good experience. And it's only the internet, so you can hang out with the guarantee of there being only positive consequences.

DS2 wears hand me downs from friends' babies including little baby girls and no one cares/comments. Might be because he was born at 26 weeks and his being alive is a miracle so a little pink won't kill anyone.

I cook from scratch. I batch cook. I can make pasta sauce from scratch in 15 mins. Risotto in 25. I can make rice, dal and a veg curry or a fish curry in 20 mins. Thai curry in 20 mins. I can make cheesy quesadillas with guacamole and shop bought sour cream in about 20-25 mins. But mainly I batch cook in the evenings and heat it up when we get home. I love cooking as does DH and we both plan ahead so it's not a major chore. I don't understand why all this is quite so unbelievable. I grew up in a household and a country where no microwaveable food was available. My parents only bought a microwave some 15 years ago and still barely use it.
My parents both worked full time (I was born in the 1980s) and again, I ate food 'cooked from scratch' everyday. Or as I knew it, food! I didn't realise that cooking fresh food regularly was such a niche activity till I was much older!

Yes. I should make clear that i found the whole 'Ready Meals Are Evil' thing that was in the background in my childhood really, really annoying. I think taking the moral aspect out of cooking is quite important. Cook in a way that suits you and makes you happy. Be happy. For yourself and other people.