To feel at times that I live on an entirely different planet to other MNers?

[RozDoyle]

I'm not criticising. This place is great. I have had some amazingly advice and support from people here and it's brilliant. But sometimes i feel like I live in a completely different world to a lot of posters here. I probably won't articulate this very well but I'm going to have a bash.

Examples:

• little boys in dresses/the whole "gender neutral" thing. Literally all the parents I know irl just dress their kids in clothes typical to their sex i.e. Boys wear "boys clothes" and girls wear "girls clothes" and nothing is ever said about it. I have never seen a little boy in a dress, for example, because they'd likely be told not to wear a dress in case they were teased. Sad, but true..

• parents who cook every single meal from scratch. Always mega healthy and nutritious, and talk about it like it's the norm. In my world, most parents work and are simply too busy to cook from scratch every night (or too tired). No one "batch cooks" at the weekend. Its just whatever they can chuck in the oven after a hard day.

• how quick people are to shout "LTB". Now I should emphasise that I am not talking about cases of violence, cheating etc. But things like, a husband not pulling his weight around the house. In my experience, most people can't, and don't want to, leave their husbands, to whom they have children, for issues such as that. It's an extreme solution and it makes me wonder if these same people would really walk out of their marriage over such trivial matters.

I'm sure I have loads more examples but I can't think of them right now. Just wondered if anyone else feels this way?

I think the thing I have noticed most over the years is the lack of understanding that not everyone has the same amount of resources.
This ranges from the nasty 'if you really cared about your child you would employ a tutor' to the lovely but clueless 'sorry you are feeling so low. Why don't you book yourself in for a spa or a midweek break away from the kids?'

You can be a nice person and not understand the realities of people with less than you. If you have always had enough how can you really 'get' what its like to not have enough?

But there is no excuse for the level of ignorance displayed on some threads.

'Oh come on OP you are just making excuses now. Put the DCs in nursery (or get a nanny!) and get a job. There are loads out there.'

Said to a LP with a child with SN who lives in rural Cornwall

thecatfromjapan... "I tend to think that MN is a useful corrective to all that. One of the few places in the whole wide world where you get a message that it is not OK to have your boundaries trampled and it is OK to leave.

I really think you have to put it in context. And the context is a whole world where women are subject to a lot of subtle and overt misogyny."

I totally understand this, but the problem is, when that community, with all of their wisdom and hindsight post so flippantly and/or harshly, so often, it makes them seem overly critical, which really waters down their intention. It really is easy to brush off their sage advice, when you see it SO often, and about seemingly trivial (not talking abuse/cheating, etc) issues. Not that they're wrong, just that they may overstep their welcome, and have lost the patience/gentleness/grace these women need.

MN has given me Food Anxiety 😀
Carbohydrates are apparently the Work of the Devil. Who knew that potatoes, pasta and rice could be so evil?

I do love a good lunchbox thread, though. I'm tempted to start one but if I listed the contents of DD's lunchbox I'd be called a Goady Fucker and get banned.

Has anyone mentioned the obsession with Russell Group unis yet?

According to a lot of posters on here, my dd shouldn't have even been considering university with AAABBBBCC at gcse.

The thing I always notice is how some posters are so detached from the reality of dealing with organisations. They say to ring the police or 101 at the drop of a hat, or report to social services, or women's aid.They give the impression that once that phone call happens, everything will be sorted that day. They seem to have no idea that everything moves a bit slower and more frustratingly. They seem to get annoyed then when the OP can't get hold of anyone/ can't get appointments etc.

I find this kind of thread a bit annoying. People trying to seperate themselves from "Mumsnet" by asserting how normal and down to earth they are. Except you are Mumsnet. And as for some of the sneery "I don't know anyone in an abusive relationship" and "I don't know anyone with ACTUAL anxiety" posts, you definitely do but with an attitude like that they are never going to talk to you about it.

I'm in your paralel universe too op. Then again I grew up in a house where if you had some frozen veg with your meal you were being extravagant so I never really learnt to cook and I find it really really boring.

I'm really really shy in rl but have no problem with other people chatting to me. My children don't have our of school clubs (as they are to expensive) and I tend to have the tv on all the time so my lot probably watch well to much.

I'm always surprised at how everyone has a career you never seen to have anyone who does the lower end of things on here. I sometimes feel like the only person reading things on here who works for just over the min wage and has no savings. I know alot of people in rl who are the same. Also the whole retraining thing isn't as simple as people seem to think as if you have no money it's hard to afford it.

One last one I've never met a single person who has kept family away from seeing their new born for a few weeks so they can bond.

I agree with a lot of what you've said. I don't cook from scratch all the time as I'm chronically ill and too poorly to work. I spent the entirety of last weekend in bed. I have a dd, being brought up as a girl but would not have had a problem had I been a parent of a boy, who wanted to wear princess dresses. I have loo brushes. I put a thread on here that dh and I had been arguing for a 2/3 weeks because I was going through a really bad patch health wise. I was told we were seriously damaging our dd, to split up (ltb brigade) and received lots of bile. Since being on mumsnet, I realised I'm classed as disabled. Had I said that, the responses would have been very different!

LTB - a touchy subject. I live on my own because I'm sick of men who lounge around not pulling their weight. I'd sooner be alone than live with any form of lazy cocklodger. I am not a man's maid. But then I own my own home and have a great job so I've never had to rely on anyone else for money or support.
But it does get a bit much at times on mumsnet, I put up with a LOT of nonsense before both my marriages ended.
I think most women will put up with a lot of crap but every one of us has a line that must not be crossed and when it is crossed that is the end. We know when we have got to that point.

I think I must live in an old fashioned microcosm but understand that different people in different circumstances lead different lives. My social and work circles are traditional, conservative with a small c, usually married and have reasonably financially security. That's a world apart from a single mum raising a family on minimum wage is isolation and poor housing.
But then that's the joy of MN hearing others perspectives, sharing a little with people you perhaps don't come across very often, understanding others difficulties and joys.

You aren't really allowed to be normal and down to earth on here. Everything is such a drama.

I must also add though if it wasn't for here I wouldn't have ltb and would still be living a miserable existence. No one in rl would listen and just said its better to be together and not to rock the boat. So thanks mumsnet for that I'm so much happier and it's only been 3 months.

I find this kind of thread a bit annoying. People trying to seperate themselves from "Mumsnet" by asserting how normal and down to earth they are. Except you are Mumsnet."

I couldn't agree more.

If people thing that what is being posted it wrong, then the solution is at their fingertips.

If you find a thread annoying then Hide Thread is a great function.

To the people that don't own toilet brushes, how do you clean your toilets? Genuine question

Nonsense.
If we all go along being quiet about the disconnect on MN there is a danger that lots of members think that THEY are the ones who are wrong/different/inadequate etc for not having a trust fund set up for their unborn child, not leaving a man because he once said 'fuck' in front of the kids and who don't have a DM/MIL and assorted family members doing their childcare.

Pointing out that my life is different from the one lived by many commentators on MN is not sneering.

Its just saying its different. Because it is.

mimi- loo roll and bleach.

YY gallons and gallons of bleach.

YABU. Not for any of your points, but for your expectation that you will agree with everyone or that everyone will have the same views. You sound very sheltered if you can't cope with people having different outlooks to you. Surely that is the point of posting and reading here? That you will encounter different ways of looking things. Also there is no such thing as a "mumsnet policy" where everyone thinks the same. I massively disagree with the consensus on particular issues regarding sexual behaviours but it doesn't cause me complaint. I am just aware that my view diverges a bit from the majority of posters - not there is some policy. Of course you live in a different world- we ALL live in different worlds! That's the point!

crochetmonkey completely agree. People seem to think a phone call equals someone being arrested removed and slung in jail, a child's problems quickly resolved, a white knight on a horse. 90% of the time these phone calls won't result in any action in the next day or week, if ever.

The same way people tell a poster something is illegal, as if that's the answer.
No appreciation that it doesn't matter whether something is illegal unless it is enforced, and with civil law that means a lot of
Time, a lot of money, and experts telling you not to bother losing your time and money at every turn.

They also don't seem to understand the police decide what action they take about illegal acts and frequently ignore the minor/ difficult to prove ones for very good reasons. An uppity MN'er isn't going to change their mind.

Congratulations Henry - I am pleased for you.

Last time I felt this was the thread about taking snacks to children when they're being collected from school. It never once occurred to me that mine couldn't wait till they got home.