To feel at times that I live on an entirely different planet to other MNers?

[RozDoyle]

I'm not criticising. This place is great. I have had some amazingly advice and support from people here and it's brilliant. But sometimes i feel like I live in a completely different world to a lot of posters here. I probably won't articulate this very well but I'm going to have a bash.

Examples:

• little boys in dresses/the whole "gender neutral" thing. Literally all the parents I know irl just dress their kids in clothes typical to their sex i.e. Boys wear "boys clothes" and girls wear "girls clothes" and nothing is ever said about it. I have never seen a little boy in a dress, for example, because they'd likely be told not to wear a dress in case they were teased. Sad, but true..

• parents who cook every single meal from scratch. Always mega healthy and nutritious, and talk about it like it's the norm. In my world, most parents work and are simply too busy to cook from scratch every night (or too tired). No one "batch cooks" at the weekend. Its just whatever they can chuck in the oven after a hard day.

• how quick people are to shout "LTB". Now I should emphasise that I am not talking about cases of violence, cheating etc. But things like, a husband not pulling his weight around the house. In my experience, most people can't, and don't want to, leave their husbands, to whom they have children, for issues such as that. It's an extreme solution and it makes me wonder if these same people would really walk out of their marriage over such trivial matters.

I'm sure I have loads more examples but I can't think of them right now. Just wondered if anyone else feels this way?

I wasn't implying that treacle soda was lying. Just amazed that you'd pay for years of lessons with absolutely no progress!

I had one who just sank despite years of lessons.
Two things helped: he gained muscle strength so he could physically keep himself up (still can't just float). And his much younger sister eventually ended up in the same Beginners swimming group, so his injured pride meant that he practised like mad.

I wasn't implying that treacle soda was lying. Just amazed that you'd pay for years of lessons with absolutely no progress!

She hasn't made no progress, she is less nervous in the water than she was years ago. But she still can't actually swim, or tread water.

The reason I have spent years and all that money on it is simply because I have fallen for the line mumsnet that I have failed as a parent if my child can't swim and that I don't care enough about her safety.

How many years? I'd definitely give up if I were you.

I think if they don't want to learn then you probably can't do anything about it. If she's not even attempting to tread water after years then I'd throw in the towel.

Ds had years of lessons and couldn't swim a stroke. He is generally completely uncoordinated, clumsy etc. Dd learnt in a group and was practically Michael Phelps after a term. On holiday dd was splashing around in the pool and ds said quietly, "I wish I could swim." So I steeled my purse and got him one-to one private lessons. He will never win a race but he can join in with things, go to water parks etc. I know it was a throwing money at it solution but it really did work and worth every penny.

Greenbucket the problem is that she really wants to be able to swim. It's not lack of effort, it's lack of being able to do it!

Weirdly she is very sporty in every other way.

Greenbucket ignore the judgements. My son and daughter went to the same swimming lessons for years. One is an excellent swimmer the other just couldn't get it until we went on holiday one year and managed a few strokes. He was 8 by then. He's still not great. Years of lessons for nothing. There are loads of kids like that.

I had one son who could swim like a fish from age 2 other son didn't despite swimming lessons by a professional that seemed to involved blowing bubbles for most of the lesson. I got in the pool with him, held him under the tummy and told him to go floppy and relax and he would float. It took a little while but because he trusted me he was able to do it. Once you can float you can swim.

And an awful lot of people have anxiety and can't speak to people/meet people without it being a massive deal. Sympathy to anyone with difficult issues to deal with but there seem to be a lot more on MN who are seriously hampered with it than IRL. Maybe everyone just covers it up...

They probably come on forums because it is a safe way of interacting with people. I pretty sure they don't come on to be judged by you though.

The level of venom directed at smokers/smoking is something I have never encountered IRL. I have had non - smokers offer to let me smoke in their cars, allow me to smoke in their garden, never seen anyone look at me funny for smoking outside a cafe or pub etc. Then again I know several of my generation (born in the 90s) get bribed to behave with fags as teenagers.

Also, sometimes the cleanliness thing makes me like the obsession with dish washing. I was brought up in (and visit regularly) a very cluttered, somewhat grubby house and am fit as a fiddle. Unless everyone's got a compromised immune system, I do wonder sometimes if some MNers are just making themselves miserable for the hell of it.

And the food allergies - or "food preferences" . Only a few people have serious allergies. Most "allergies" of which people speak are either food disagreeing with you (eg upset stomach after peppers) or plain dislike. Yet on MN there are so many Angry Food people, waiting to be outraged at a hapless host failing to provide 200 different options.

Aside from vegetarianism/religious requirements, I have never heard of anyone asking about "food preferences" in advance of a dinner party/wedding. And if you do have a phobia about au gratin or whatever, just don't eat it. It really is not going to kill anyone to miss one element of a meal.

I'm a restaurant manager and deal with at least 3 or 4 "allergies" every day. It's amazing how many people decide they're not actually allergic to something after discovering a tiny bit of it is in their favourite meal. I constantly hear "oh well I can have a bit of it, I'll be fine." Strange definition of an allergy these days. Just admit you don't fucking like tomato.

Money is the big one here. I read a thread where farrow and ball paint was mentioned. I had a quick look at the prices and was at the prices of it.

Cleanliness, feel like my house isn't anywhere near clean enough if people wash their towels after every use etc.

Unihorn There's a difference between allergy and intolerance though.

Allergy can be life threatening. However I have a severe stomach condition and am intolerant to many foods. If I eat tomatoes, mushrooms, curly lettuce, blackcurrants etc, they can make me extremely ill with bowel problems. I can sometimes tolerate a very small amount of these foods in something else, like maybe a cherry tomato on a salad or a mushroom cut up in a pasta sauce. I couldn't eat a tomato pasta dish or a plate of garlic mushrooms.

Perhaps the people with "allergies" are intolerant and it's just easier to explain. Sometimes it's just not worth the risk of having to be violently ill.

The vegetarian who eats fish and chicken. The vegetarian who requires seperate catering, ffs just have the potatoes and salad. No one gives a toss.

Yes I understand actual allergies as I deal with them safely every day as part of a very rigorous process. I'm talking about people who don't have allergies or intolerances. It's the law now for restaurants to take responsibility for all allergy procedures. Consequently only I am allowed to deal with allergy sufferers' meals. It gets slightly tedious when I discover 90% of the time that the guest just doesn't really like onions or tomatoes and thinks the only way I'll ensure there's none in their meals is if they lie to me about having a life threatening allergy. And I say this as someone who hates all salad and most veg and sauces.

I suppose there's a difference. My stepmother is on a very restricted diet due to a chronic bladder problem. If she eats an acidic (I think - I can't remember the full list of things she has to avoid) food she won't die, but she will be in severe pain and unable to leave the house for the following week.

Exactly Broomstick - I'm the same. It's easier to say I'm allergic to mushrooms rather than have to explain I'm intolerant to them and face the confused looks and repeated questions. I love mushrooms, it's not a dislike. My stomach just can't tolerate them. If I didn't like something, I would simply order something else.

I have read most, but not all the thread, so apologies if this has been mentioned- but all the naked families.

Families where "no one bats an eye-lid" at nakedness.

Families where it is seemingly impossible for an adult woman to take a bath or a shower without teenage children coming in for a chat.

Ha! On behalf of Introverts, i thought that MN was primarily made of EXtroverts.

I think that sometimes a topic is alluring to a specific subset of people. I was aghast at the number of people who sleep naked and offer "backdoor" intimacy to dp's in exchange for household favors.

I didnt know whether to feel old or happy that dh is never manipulated by sex.

Kittymum,
HE will probably tell you.