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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

295 replies

jobergamot · 11/09/2017 20:49

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/09/2017 11:38

The experiences are my own.

Yes just yours.

Your first post of Also to those saying teachers are responsible on these trips, believe me they are not. was deliberately to inflame.

There was no 'in my experience'

Aworldofmyown · 12/09/2017 11:41

I'm sorry but why on earth are Y6 pupils going on residential trips to Spain in Y6?

Seriously why?

ProfessorCat · 12/09/2017 11:44

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Motoko · 12/09/2017 11:46

Being a bit worried about your child going on a school trip is perfectly normal. Wanting to be on the same plane and follow the coach around is definitely not normal. It shows a level of anxiety that needs to be treated and is most definitely a mental health issue.

OP's daughter obviously has no concerns about being away from home for a few days, so saying that your own children wouldn't like it, is neither here nor there.

I think it would be a shame for the daughter to miss out, if she's unable to go because her mother is too anxious to let her. And without any treatment, this problem will come up every time a school trip is on offer.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/09/2017 11:48

@ProfessorCat welcome to mumsnet.

PonderLand · 12/09/2017 11:50

Y6 is very young for that kind of trip. We went on a residential in the Lake District, what's wrong with UK trips!? Save the abroad stuff for high school. M

ProfessorCat · 12/09/2017 11:53

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Purplemeddler · 12/09/2017 11:57

Ordinarily I'd agree with this comment:

Y6 is very young for that kind of trip. We went on a residential in the Lake District, what's wrong with UK trips!? Save the abroad stuff for high school

DS went to Shropshire in Y6 and had a great time.

However, none of us know if trips to Europe will be that easy after March 2019, and so I'd be inclined to take the opportunity while it exists. On the assumption that you can afford it, and there's no ballot etc so everyone who wants to go can go, I'd let her go. It might be the last time she can go to a European country without needing to get a visa etc.

elevenclips · 12/09/2017 12:15

I think you have received some ridiculously harsh replies here.

Year six is very young to go on a week abroad - usually year six go on three day residential in th UK or something like that.

It is normal to worry about your child and you don't sound mentally ill to me. I would check with the school how many pupils are really going how many have signed up and whether they think all are going - you could do this under the guise of not being able to afford it if you wanted.

emmyrose2000 · 12/09/2017 12:19

It would be very selfish to make YOUR issues into HER issues. She wants to go, you can afford it - let her go.

Please don't even consider following behind on the same flight etc. That will utterly humiliate your poor child in front of her peers when it's discovered (and it will be discovered). She'll never be able to live that down.

Cantseethewoods · 12/09/2017 12:50

I'm the high side of 40 and we went to France in Year 6 at my state school. It was awesome. My dc will go to Beijing. We live in Asia so it's only 'the next country' but ds in year 2 is already talking about it. I feel like it's a good step towards independence.

I don't necessarily see 'abroad' as a barrier vs a UK trip or rather I think it's an artificial barrier. I'd be more likely to assess suitability based on activities/ supervision / accommodation etc. Kids drown on Uk kayaking trips too.

MNHQ
FlissMumsnet · 12/09/2017 13:18

Forgive us barging in but just wanted to remind everyone that we will delete posts which break our talk guidelines.

As you were.........

feathermucker · 12/09/2017 13:21

She shouldn't miss out because of your anxiety......and I say that as someone who suffers from high anxiety. Of course you can't follow them around the country when they go abroad.

Let her go and plan lots of activities and things to keep you busy.

Xx

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/09/2017 14:03

You may not be responsible when you take residential trips but don't tar all of us with your brush

How do you know I'm not responsible?

Because, Huffletuff, you said at the start of your post:

Also to those saying teachers are responsible on these trips, believe me they are not.

and thus you admit yourself that - assuming you are, in fact, a teacher and not just some random who invites themselves on school residential trips - you are not responsible.

Ceto · 12/09/2017 18:35

Year six is very young to go on a week abroad - usually year six go on three day residential in th UK or something like that.

But that is not OP's issue with this. Her issue is essentially that her child might be in a coach crash. That is something that could happen to anyone at any age, not just children in Year 6. But of course, it's highly unlikely to.

Original poster
jobergamot · 12/09/2017 19:55

Thanks all for views and advice. My DD has sleepovers at aunty and uncles, and I am fine with that. She also went on the PGL thingy last term when she was away for 3 nights. I was slightly anxious but just did it. She had a whale of a time. She will go again this year in Y5.

I'm not letting her go abroad in Y6. I have decided, it's too far, she's only young and I don't want her to be that far away from me at the age of 10.

I don't think I have 'mental health issues', but thanks to all the posters who are basically telling me I'm suffocating/damaging my child.

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 12/09/2017 20:03

nooooo! I've read this whole thread sure that at any moment you will realise how selfish this behaviour is. what about what your DD wants?

NerrSnerr · 12/09/2017 20:05

You know OP, there is nothing wrong with having 'mental health issues'- it is you that mentions anxiety twice in your OP. That possibly suggests that you may have anxiety issues which is nothing to be ashamed of and can be helped.

Original poster
jobergamot · 12/09/2017 20:09

Crikey it's not like I keep her locked under the stairs or anything! She's been to France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Norway, Switzerland Greece and Turkey with me. She's way more well travelled than I was at her age!!!

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 12/09/2017 20:12

to be fair i don't think the op has mental health issues. I think almost all parents would think wtf! you are not taking my baby abroad!

but you just have to be brave and let them because it's wrong to wrap kids up in cotton wool. I'm already dreading the kids going anywhere in one of these school coaches. Would NEVER stop them going though.

op you can do this. book it tomorrow xx

confuuuuused · 12/09/2017 20:16

Abroad sounds so far and scary but in reality depending on where you are in the country you can get to Spain quicker than you can get to wales/Scotland, yet those places sound much less scary

Wolfiefan · 12/09/2017 20:25

So she wants to go?
Her friends are going?
Her teachers will be looking after her. The same people you trust her with every day. The professionals trained in child protection and welfare.
But because you're anxious she shouldn't go.
Poor kid.

lalalalyra · 12/09/2017 20:27

The biggest problem you have OP, imo, is that your DD knows you won't let her go because of your anxiety - she should never have known that.

If you really can't deal with her going away at that age then she should have been told you couldn't afford. I don't normally advocate lying to children, but they should be protected from things like this so that the anxiety isn't passed on.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 20:40

You're being atrociously unfair op. You've stopped your DD doing something because of how it affects you. Awful.

The very definition of your anxiety makes it a mental health disorder. Get some help.

MarciaBlaine · 12/09/2017 20:45

I live in Belgium and know people affected by the bus crash in Switzerland. It's standard that the Year 6s go skiing for a week here. The news reports etc were extremely upsetting to me at the time. I still let dd go though when it was her turn. The chances of similar happening are very small. You have to get the in the mindset That accidents much closer to home are statistically more likely and like it or not we can keep them indoors forever. I do feel for you though OP. I've found the tweenage years where you have to start to let them go much harder than the toddler bit.