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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

295 replies

jobergamot · 11/09/2017 20:49

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 03/02/2018 19:40

I dont have anxiety issues but I wouldnt send mine on an abroad trip in Y6. We probably couldnt afford for them to do more than one abroad school trip so I would want to hang on until they were older and going somewhere a bit more interesting etc.

I cant wait for them to do a week at an activity centre though!!

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2018 19:41

Why is "abroad" so scary?

becca93 · 03/02/2018 19:55

my mum never let me (or my 3 brothers) go on these trips for exactly the same reason and we never minded. we wernt the only children who didn't go and we didn't feel left out. if you're going to spend the whole time worrying, don't send her on the trip. it's your prerogative as her mum xx

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 03/02/2018 19:58

We went to Holland with two other schools 30 odd years ago in last year of primary, everyone went and we all enjoyed it, I'm sure I parents worried and I would worry about my kids but I wouldn't stop them. I see this with scout camps too, parents saying their kids won't cope and will hate it when it's actually the parents. I think you know it is your anxiety that is the problem so I sympathise so try and use this as an opportunity to get help. Also speak to a teacher and explain to them that you suffer from anxiety but you don't want to stop your daughter going and ask them to give you regular updates, as a cub leader I have happily done this for a worried parent. Good luck

becca93 · 03/02/2018 20:01

just noticed this is an zombie thread 😑

gingergenius · 03/02/2018 20:39

@GingerMcGrey you zombie hunter you!!!!

GingerMcGrey · 03/02/2018 20:50

gingergenius I'm very sorry!

manicinsomniac · 03/02/2018 20:52

It's pretty insulting to people who need medical help for anxiety to tell the OP to go to a doctor because she is a protective mother who worries about her child too much. There are tons of overprotective parents out there; they don't all have anxiety. Nowhere does OP say she is ill, she says she has anxiety about her daughter dying. Don't all parents?! That's not an anxiety disorder. Telling her to get to the GP to sort her anxiety out is a) alarmist and b) minimises the illness.

An anxiety disorder is not being able to leave the house in the morning because of nameless dangers outside or seeing people or not having access to something you feel like you can't do without (a toilet, a safe space etc). It's throwing up and hyperventilating over absolutely nothing. It's being rooted to the spot shaking and crying because you can't bear to enter a room full of people. It's completely paralysing.

It's not being worried about letting your daughter go on a school trip.

manicinsomniac · 03/02/2018 20:53

OP - I think your worries are normal. I take school dance and choir trips abroad every year and the youngest children on those are 9. Plenty of the parents of the 9-11 year olds get very worried. Some don't let them go. And actually I think that's ok. Trips abroad without parents aren't right for every family at that age.

gingergenius · 03/02/2018 22:18

@GingerMcGrey as you've got ginger in your bake, you're forgiven!

gingergenius · 03/02/2018 22:25

@manicinsomniac I know all patents s worry about their kids. That's normal. When you become unable to let your kids out of your sight or proximity because you're worried they might die, that's something to be concerned about.

I am a single parent of 3. My eldest is autistic. He wanted to go on the year 6 trip to Paris. He was very limited in terms of food choices. He is socially uncomfortable. He doesn't cope well with change.

I fought every one of my self imposed reasons for not letting him go because they were all MY PERCEPTIONS.

He went. He ate a lot of bread and not much else. He survived and had subsequently thrived.

I was worried about him for all sorts of reasons but I didn't let my needs to feel secure trump his needs to explore the world in a safe way.

It's nit inappropriate to suggest that the OP's issues trump her child's desire to be their own person,

bluetongue · 03/02/2018 22:52

Please don’t let this anxiety stop your child from taking part in activities.

I’m another who had an anxious parent that stopped me from doing activities due to her worry. She didn’t try and hide her feelings and it has had life long effects on me. I too now suffer from anxiety.

I still remember that she banned me from riding horses in my final year of school in case I broke my arm and my study or exams were interrupted. Just when I needed an outlet from my stress and work / life balance my hobby was taken away from me.

There were other activities / trips that were stopped as well. It all stays with me to this day and even shaped my decision not to have my own children Sad

bluetongue · 03/02/2018 22:56

Oh and Manicinsomniac an anxiety disorder is when the anxiety interferes with your ability to live your life and the anxiety felt is out of proportion to the actual danger present. People with anxiety disorders still leave the house, study and work. We’re not on the floor in a foetal position.

YoloSwaggins · 03/02/2018 22:58

I wouldn't let my 10 year old go abroad without me.

As someone whose family all live abroad and who flew "Unaccompanied Minor" to visit them every half term, that is ridiculous.

Helicopter parenting.

Your kid is more likely to get abducted walking from school (if you allow them to even do that) that to end up in a plane or coach crash.

Dozer · 03/02/2018 22:59

manicinsomniac: people with anxiety disorders (like me) may well not have the symptoms you describe. There are different severities of illness.

kittensinmydinner1 · 03/02/2018 23:11

Bloody hell you just can't kill this Zombie !!!!!

OPs kid will be in yr 8/9 now !!

WorkingMumOnTheGo · 03/02/2018 23:15

Let her go! She has to grow up at some point. You cannot keep mollycoddling her and I second what previous posters have said and a doc about your anxiety.

BashStreetKid · 04/02/2018 08:03

OPs kid will be in yr 8/9 now !!

Hardly, given that she was in Year 5 last September ...

manicinsomniac · 04/02/2018 13:00

Oh and Manicinsomniac an anxiety disorder is when the anxiety interferes with your ability to live your life and the anxiety felt is out of proportion to the actual danger present. People with anxiety disorders still leave the house, study and work. We’re not on the floor in a foetal position

Of course we do. But that's because the anxiety isn't about everything, isn't it. When it hits then being 'on the floor in the foetal position' might not be the literal response (might well be though!) but the panic is that strong. What you have described at the top of your paragraph is a fear of something. Everyone's frightened of stuff and there's a big range of things to be frightened of - some rational, some not. I'm terrified of flying. But I've always been that way, it's not part of my anxiety problems. It's a fairly irrational fear and it's very strong but it's not a mental illness. It's not right to equate even a strong, irrational fear with an anxiety disorder. I have both things and know they are in no way comparable.

Dozer - agree that there are different severities of anxiety but that's because anxiety is an emotion that everyone has. When it becomes severe and comes with physical symptoms then it's an anxiety disorder. Before that, it's just a horrible feeling, not a mental illness.

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 22:50

Your absolutely right I wouldn't trust that everything is going to go great with a group of school kids and teachers who aresupervisiing them u don't know what hotel looks like where they are going In Spain amazed at people saying let her go it's her choice yes it's also a mother who would have to live her life bi
If something did happen and she gave. In it's a different country with different rules with predictors running around with no check or rules in place and before you say Im over reacting there are a few America girl who went with school and never came home as they were mm murdered and never found and these police do not do the job oui zdo they want rid of the attention pretend they are looking in reality they dont want a British girl found dead in there country as it effects tourism so answer being forget the anxiety and definitely tell her maybe when she's older I also would not be traveling with them s it's embarrassing for child but u could ask about shaparoning but this is 2 holiday with a school just be the bad parent id rather be that for a week later than some thing horrible happen to my daughter they could easily sneak of and teachers would not notice and yes our kids will do this at that age as they want to explore and these are unsafe county so I applaud u for saying this as alot of parents say yes no problem but don't think of the dangers of sending 12 year old to foreign country not brilliant supervisors as I can't see teachers keeping watch outside hotels door the whole nyt to make sure kids don't sneak out side which u can't trust there nievity to do stupid things as they think they are as adults but don't worry as post says don't let your anxiety effect ure daughter of let her friends a her friends are yeah that's maybe but she will get over it and at least she's in same country xx

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