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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

295 replies

jobergamot · 11/09/2017 20:49

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

OP posts:
PGTip · 12/09/2017 09:20

Not unreasonable at all. I didn't let my DC go to France in yr6 for the very reasons you have stated. My job as the parent is to decide if I feel it is safe enough for them to go. There will be plenty of other trips that they can go on but for me them going abroad was one step too far.
And I'm not passing my anxieties on at all as they obviously wanted to go. We had a conversation where I explained my point of view, but ultimately is was as simple as just saying no

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 09:21

And I quote "Also saying teachers are responsible on trips, believe me they are not*

Is exactly saying the whole profession is like that, or you would have said 'the teachers I have experienced". Quite offensive really.

gingergenius · 12/09/2017 09:21

My ASD/ADHD son went to Paris in year 6. I was a nervous wreck. He was fine. It was brilliant for him and massively helped push comfort zones that needed work. If you can afford it and if she wants to go, please let her.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 09:25

Be offended then - I really, really couldn't care less. I went on to explain those were my own experiences.

regisitme · 12/09/2017 09:25

I let my Y7 DD go on a trip from Australia to Europe with the school. I was terrified that her plane was going to be shot down (this was the same year we lost MH17 and other planes were shot down) and tracked her plane online until she arrived safely.

I got her a SIM card that works internationally so we could stay in touch. Upshot was she had a brilliant time. For an Australian to tour Europe it's a big thing, a huge trip. I trusted the school and she learned so much from it and gained a lot of independence from it.

I started going on school trips overseas when I was 10, so Y5. I would really let her go OP. If you can manage the costs then it will be a real experience for her. In the UK you have a real advantage of being able to get to a new country, with a new language in less than an hour. Let her experience that.

BarbarianMum · 12/09/2017 09:30

So at what age are you going to be OK with her being injured or killed in a foreign country? Not going to happen is it? So, either she never goes anywhere (or at least til 18 after which its not your decision) or you get some help. Because this isn't just going to go away.

ElizabethShaw · 12/09/2017 09:41

I don't think I'd be happy with my 10 year old going on a school trip abroad - what's wrong with 4 nights of PGL on the IoW?

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 09:43

Be offended then, I couldn't care less

Are you sure you're not a pupil and not a teacher?

kmc1111 · 12/09/2017 09:46

Yes, if you book a seat on the same plane and then proceed to follow the coach around in a hire car everyone will think you're mad. Because that is mad. If that seriously sounds like an even halfway acceptable idea to you, you really need to commit to therapy and work through your issues. Most parents get a bit anxious over school trips, but this is something else.

If she wants to go and it's not a problem financially, you should let her go. You have plenty of time to start getting help for your anxiety before the trip, and it's a good opportunity for you to work on dealing with it. Because you do need to do that.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2017 09:57

To those saying it's not a question of age and op needs to get over herself. Of course it's in large part a question of age. I wouldn't have wanted my dd to go to a 4 night horse riding, tenting/camping trip 8 miles down the road age 5. The children going range from 8 to 16. She's now done it two summers in a row aged 8 and 9. There is a minimum age of 8 for a reason. She was still the youngest to go on camp again this summer. I still wouldn't want her to go abroad in yr6. As I said upthread, she has a medical condition. I still let her go away and be around horses for 5 days, which is potentially more dangerous to her than children with no condition.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 10:02

Are you sure you're not a pupil and not a teacher?

Are you?

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 10:05

I went to America for 6 weeks at the end of p6. Loved it.

I wouldn't have let either of my 2 go 20 miles up the road for a holiday. Does it make me a hypocrite? Probably.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 10:09

I'm neither and have not claimed to be. You still haven't said whether you have raised your concerns or not.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 10:11

@RestlessTraveller

I won't be either. It's confidential and not worth discussing on an open internet forum with a snarky stranger.

BarbarianMum · 12/09/2017 10:14

One of the OP's worries is a coach crash. You don't become more immune to these with age.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 10:17

So the fact that you have witnessed all of your colleagues drunk while in charge of children on a school trip is fine fodder for you to post all over the Internet but whether you actually acted professionally and did something about it is confidential?

I'll take that as a no.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 10:22

I haven't posted it "all over the internet". Unless Mumsnet, under an anonymous name is the entire internet?

Take it as you like. I won't be discussing it with you. If you want to try and control things by implying I did nothing about a serious situation as a professional, that's up to you. It has absolutely no bearing on me or my life. Run along, now.

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 10:25

Having read the thread I don't understand the crys for the OP to seek medical help immediately etc. It isn't that big of a deal, being unreasonable when it comes to your kids is perfectly fine.

My daughter is 17 and went away without me for the first time in the summer to Spain with her friend and her parents and I shat a brick everyday.

BarbarianMum · 12/09/2017 10:29

Eammon if your dd had truly never been on an overnight trip without you until aged 17 and she's happy with that, fine. Most uoung people would not be happy with that. OP's dd is not happy now.

EamonnWright · 12/09/2017 10:32

She has stayed at friends overnight. There's a massive difference with an overnight stay with family or friends that live close by and travelling abroad surely?

Anyway kids are disappointed regularly, so are adults.

Branleuse · 12/09/2017 10:34

you dont have to let her go if you dont want to.

Does she get to go on other holidays?

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 10:35

So it's either unprofessionalism or bullshit. I know which one I'm opting for.

I stand by my comments about your all teachers drink on school trips post. It's offensive, to the teachers on here and to all other teachers who are responsible and work hard to enrich their pupils lives. I don't care that you went on to say that it was just your experience, by then the damage had been done and you only corrected yourself because I and others had called you out on it.

And when I say the damage had been done, I don't mean to me, I don't actually give a shit what you say, I mean to the op. In the same post as proclaiming that people were being ridiculous suggesting that she has a mental illness (which a quick google will confirm) you also manage to raise her anxiety levels even more will your idiotic observations. Nice work.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 10:44

Restless, you really need to calm down a little. You seem very angry.

If you live in a world where you honestly think that some teachers don't drink on school trips, you need to open your eyes a little. I've worked in different schools and this has been my experience on EVERY residential trip I have been on.

If other teachers are offended by my experiences, then that isn't my problem. The experiences are my own. I'm perfectly aware that lots of teachers do not drink on school trips, myself included. That does not mean to say that my experiences are invalid, or "bullshit".

I'm very professional, thanks. You know nothing about me, or my teaching career, so do not have the insight to call me otherwise. How strange that you would do so.

Im not going to respond to you any more, as it's a waste of my time. Perhaps you could try volunteering on some residential school trips so you might gain experience in what happens on some of them. Do report back, I'd be keen to learn of your observations.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 12/09/2017 10:47

@jobergamot ... wanting to follow the school coach in a car because you're scared it will careen off of a cliff is evidence of extreme anxiety ... which is a mental health issue. So you do quite clearly have MhI

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 11:05

No please don't respond to me any more you have absolutely nothing of any interest to say. I wasn't even going to respond to you but then you suggested that I volunteer on done school trips. I've staffed many a school trip thank you. I've never seen any evidence of drunken stafff.

Thanks for your input.

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