Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

295 replies

jobergamot · 11/09/2017 20:49

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 03/02/2018 16:38

YABU but that doesn't mean that it's not normal to feel anxious about your DD going away. However, going on the same flight and following the coach in a car is really a bit bonkers, you must admit.

You have to let go of the reins at some point and wrapping your DD in cotton wool and bubble wrap won't do her any favours in the future.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 03/02/2018 16:47

It's very difficult. My DD went to PGL in France in Y5 which I thought was completely unecessary. I actually tried to persuade some of the other mums not to send their kids, but they decided to go for it so I had to let DD go, unless I wanted her to be the only one left out.

I wasn't happy with some of the stories she came back with either.

The Head of our school at the time was a childless woman and I do think she completely failed to grasp how uncomfortable these trips made some parents.

gingergenius · 03/02/2018 16:51

We went to Belgium when I was that age. No fuss or fanfare. I and many many many others all survived. The incidents you refer to are very rare statistically and nothing more than tragic accidents.

I understand you're anxious but unless your dd doesn't want to go, i think it is selfish of you to project your anxiety on to her in this way. And fgs don't get on the same plane!!!!

FluffyWuffy100 · 03/02/2018 16:57

Potentially more coach driving going for a trip in the UK than fly-drive ‘abroad’.

Can’t abide people who put their own indie figures and difficulties above their children.

Don’t do this OP.

MargaretCavendish · 03/02/2018 17:05

The Head of our school at the time was a childless woman and I do think she completely failed to grasp how uncomfortable these trips made some parents.

Yes, she probably thought about the kids not the parents, the horrible childless fiend.

And it didn't make 'parents' uncomfortable, it made you uncomfortable. As was proved when you tried to get other people to boycott it with you and failed.

rothbury · 03/02/2018 17:06

I also went on a week abroad school trip in Y6 (4th year of junior school in my day!!) It was brilliant.

I would have been devastated if I hadn't been allowed to go because my mother had anxiety around it. I agree with PP it is dreadfully selfish of you to limit your DDs experiences like this because of your own MH issues. I feel very sorry for her that you are prioritising your own needs in this way.

Going abroad with family is nothing like going away with your schoolfriends - don't be disingenuous.

SockUnicorn · 03/02/2018 17:07

@jobergamot I can see that you should let her go and how unfair it would be to stop her. But I would be the exact same and don't think I could let my 10 year old go to Spain without me Blush

MadRainbow · 03/02/2018 17:09

What a horrible position to be in OP. I wonder if any of these posters condemning you have every suffered severe anxiety?

Personally I would let her go, travel broadens the mind and I genuinely believe it's important to start as young as possible. She will be well cared for and you can prepare her to be as sensible as possible.

I also think you would really benefit from some CBT, it really helped deal with my anxiety and I advocate it as much as possible - it could really help put some things in perspective. FWIW I used to (still sometimes do) have irrational fears ranging from my husband in a car accident to my daughter being abducted by aliens; I really do understand the fear.

I hope you will reconsider your decision or at least find a suitable alternative, perhaps you could take her abroad on an educational trip yourself?

DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 17:17

I find it very sad. If you start thinking in all the things that can go wrong, you will barely get out of bed. London is dangerous, concerts are dangerous, crossing the road is dangerous, walking near a school is dangerous (see the 100s of parking threads), swimming is dangerous.

I would never force a child to if he was uncomfortable, but if s/he's the one begging to go and you can afford it, it's a wasted chance for her, it's a shame.

Part of me would love to keep my kids under my roof all the time, we do worry, but they need to live their own life. We don't make children to keep them in a cage. We have to raise them to make sure they are responsible, careful and won't do anything stupid, but we can't let them having regrets for the reasonable things they haven't done because of us.

RedHelenB · 03/02/2018 17:20

YABU - your children deserve the best life you can give them, they are nother a crutch for you.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/02/2018 17:22

ZOMBIE THREAD

raymonReddingtonsOtherdaughter · 03/02/2018 17:27

I often think people on mumsnet don’t even have children. I wouldn’t let my children go abroad to be poorly supervised by the staff.
They aren’t well looked after, I’ve heard lots of stories from parents and children over the years, and there’s the huge expense too.
You are pay8ng for the teachers to attend on trips, and the educational trip to Spain, by children’s senior school took, was to swimming pools and shopping. Your child would be much better off going on holiday with you. And they ( teenage girls ) nearly always fall out and some ridiculous drama.
I can’t understand why everyone on mumsnet seems to think children really need to go abroad on a school trip, and that you are unreasonable for not letting them.
I’ve atarted to think it’s the same bleat as the one for pictures with every parking AIBU, so ignore them. It really makes me wonder why I read this still. I obviously need to get my kindle out again, and start reading.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 03/02/2018 17:30

Yup Raymon try reading more....maybe you could start with the date the op was written

DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 17:31

I can’t understand why everyone on mumsnet seems to think children really need to go abroad on a school trip

My own parents went on residential trips abroad, it's hardly a new concept. Why do you say it's a MN thing when many school trips are fully booked, some even refusing children (depending how they are organised). In real life, they happen and they are popular.

Chugalug · 03/02/2018 17:33

Abroad,in my experience of 4 kids was always in year 9 or 10.. I'm sorry but I feel age 9 is to young

Chugalug · 03/02/2018 17:34

Oh for fucks sake .why is a zombie thread doing the rounds

whitecremeegg · 03/02/2018 17:35

can't believe those who say YABU!

YANBU - she's only going to be 10, same age as my DD and that's way too young to go abroad without a parent or guardian. I didn't go abroad with my school until I was in 2nd year of high school.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 03/02/2018 17:36

Margaret Cavendish no it did actually make a lot of parents uncomfortable. However, many people felt under pressure to be "cool" with it. When the new Head stopped doing trips abroad everyone was very relieved.

However, I apologise for implying that her childlessness was the problem. Basically though, the Head was not a very empathetic person and unable to put herself in a parent's mindset and appreciate their concerns. Obviously a person with more empathy would be able to do this, regardless of whether they had children.

DakotaWest · 03/02/2018 17:39

I would be much less worried with a 9 year old than with a 15 year old to be honest.

HappyLollipop · 03/02/2018 17:40

I never knew primary schools take trips abroad! It's a bit unusual but if you can afford it you need to let her go, it's extremely unfair to hold her back because of your anxiety. Soon enough she'll be a teenager wanting to go out and you can't be following her then. You need to get help for it now because you and your DD can't go on like this and if you don't it's only going to get worse.

Saz1995 · 03/02/2018 17:40

I agree with you tbh, I wouldn't feel happy my child being that far away from me so young.

PerfectlyDone · 03/02/2018 17:43

YABU as she is keen to go (is SHE were scared, that's different story).

Don't let your anxiety issues impede your child's life - get help and get some treatment for anxiety. It is really rather treatable and help is out there, but you have to go and seek it.
[thank]

BashStreetKid · 03/02/2018 17:44

ZOMBIE THREAD

thecatsthecats · 03/02/2018 17:44

I missed a lot of trips because of my parents varying between strict and anxious. I'm still close to friends, and I STILL get left out of reminiscences today because of it!

SquiffyatTiffanys · 03/02/2018 17:45

Do what your child is happy with. My son has never been on a residential trip and hates the idea of it. More children like this than you think. But if he wanted to go I would feel like you too. I was brought up by DM with extreme anxiety: lost a child aged 8 and a husband in separate road accidents. Very careful with me. But I went to Germany for a week in Y7 and more later on. Despite her feelings and it must have been hard for her she let me go. I now have a son who just won’t go and To be honest I feel like you and deep down I am relieved. No one fans look after him as well as I do.If she is happy then let her go and if not don’t beat yourself up.