to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

[jobergamot]

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

As a Year 6 child, I didn't go on the trip. We couldn't afford it. I was actually very relieved that I didn't have to go.

Personally i'd be inclined to give finances as a reason to your child.

I disagree with most of these posters. I do think 10 is too young in this day and age to be going abroad just with teachers.

I'm already panicking about a Year 2 2 day trip (with sleepover) that I think is bloody ridiculous. What 6 yr old NEEDS to be away from their parents for the night??

Stick to your guns. I actually think the fact that you have a bad feeling about this is NOTHing to do with anxiety - it's your intuition telling you not to send her. Listen to that - not a load of strangers on the net.

I'm with StarUtopia.

I think it is a totally logical anxiety (though there a lot more dangers in ordinary everyday life , OP, but that is life and it is going to get worse. Your dd needs to be able to live to the full. If you can't afford it that is another issue, but if you give in to your anxiety in this case, it will be harder the next time.

I think if your anxiety is interfering with your and your daughter's lives (it is if you stop her from joining in such an important event in her school life) then you should be seeking help.

If finances are difficult speak to the school to see if there is any help available, it's a separate issue.

My DS did their first residential trip in Yr4, a week in the UK in Yr5 and France in Yr6. DS1 is older now and DS2 is Yr6.
They love their trips.
You really need to deal with your anxiety. It's one thing for your DD not to go if you genuinely can't afford it or because she doesn't really want to go. It's quite another for her not to go because you can't deal with your fears and discomfort.
The decision whether or not she goes shouldn't be about what's best for you but rather what's best for her (assuming you can afford it)

I'm a single parent so I understand how tricky it is not to be able to chat things through with a partner.

However.

Don't let your selfishness spoil your daughter's childhood! Put her first.

There was a school trip to France when I was in Primary, my friends mum didn't let her go, we never found out why but I suspect it was down to her anxiety, and my friend still talks about how much she hated her mum at the time.

My mother on the other hand battled with staff to let me go, I had fairly serious asthma and they had some concerns. It's one of the reasons she's my hero.

I expected you to say she was going on an activity weekend or similar an hour or two away not Spain!! I couldn't let my 10/11 year old go to Spain on a school trip without me. That's too young to go abroad IMO

I've never heard of year 6s having a trip abroad. It seems over the top to me. Having said that, if I could afford it and my dd wanted to go I would 100% let her.

There was a school trip to France when I was in Primary, my friends mum didn't let her go, we never found out why but I suspect it was down to her anxiety, and my friend still talks about how much she hated her mum at the time.

Wow. Really?! Still talks about it??

I'd feel exactly the same as you. My dd has just started yr5. She did her first residential last year. A 2 day 1 overnight in a city a couple of hours away. The parents of one girl went there in secret and stayed nearby. Now that's protective and ridiculous imo. And not the same as feeling uncomfortable about your child going abroad a couple of years later.

My dd has a medical condition. Reflex anoxic seizures. Her heart stops beating. So she does a dead fall backwards and can seriously hurt her head if doing it from standing. It happens when in pain and during some illnesses. Dh and I though it had resolved as it often does as the last one she had she was less than two. Almost four years after her last one, she had one on the plane half way to the destination and two hours from landing. We ended up ambulanced off as we didn't think about a seizure and it looked different when panicking. No bloody way would I be sending her on a plane alone that young in case she had one as it was caused by air pressure changes.

Would I feel differently if she didn't have a medical condition? Idk. I don't think so.

I also think a yr 2 overnight residential is too young. Why couldnt they just have had a school sleepover?

Having said that, I wouldn't have sent dd on a residential at 6, that's nuts imo

My DS went on a school trip to Belgium in year 6. It was June of this year in fact. He's a summer born child, so was 10 at the time.
I too had visions of the coach crashing, the Eurostar tunnel collapsing, the hotel being blown up etc. So I understand your worries.
However, the rational part of me knew the chances of anything happening were pretty low in reality.
He had a wonderful time. He got to experience places I would probably never have been able to take him to myself, as school trips are cheaper than family holidays. He was well looked after and at the same time he matured a bit, and became that bit more independent. We're still very close, but now he knows he is capable of more than he thought.
Your concerns aren't unfounded, although due to your anxiety they are a little ott. It would be unreasonable for you to deny your DD this opportunity because of how you would worry.
If she is really young, or you can't afford it then that's different. She wouldn't be the only one not going, and the school would make sure they all had a fun week too.
But please don't let your worries limit her life.

All these parents saying 10/11 is too young to go abroad on their own. They're not on their own, they are with the responsible adults you entrust them to 190 days a year!
The children are probably actually safer with them, as those teachers/staff will be extra vigilant looking after other people's kids.

Whether or not primary schools should be running trips abroad is irrelevant here. The issue is that the OP's daughter attends a school which is running such a trip, her daughter wants to go on it and the OP has said she can afford it, but doesn't want to let her daughter go because of the OPS anxiety.

OP you need to be able to manage this. You shouldn't let your issues prevent your daughter from taking opportunities. As other pp have said, there is risk in everyday life. There is no more risk in your dd flying to Spain than in walking to school. In fact, probably a lot less. When things go wrong on a school trip (which they rarely do) it makes the news precisely because of the rarity. Whereas children being knocked over etc on the way to school only makes the local news, if that, because it's a more common occurrence.

OP the trip will be carefully planned and risk assessed. My dc both went on trips to Spain just after they started secondary school. Although they were Y7 they both have summer birthdays so were younger when they went than some Y6s would be at the end of Y6 iyswim. The kids were supervised closely and when they were allowed to go into the local town unsupervised it was with very strict instructions, they had to be in groups of at least 4, the teachers sat in a cafe in the centre so the kids all knew where to find them if there was a problem etc etc. But almost all the time the teachers were with them. So they had much more supervision than they would at home.

Our son's school held a meeting when the trip was being arranged so parents could ask questions etc to be reassured. I remember when i went along to the meeting when ds1 was going, some parents were anxious about arrangements at the hotel, and whether other guests were staying on the same corridor as the children (they werent, other guests were on different floors). All I could think about were the poor guests who had booked a nice break away and found themselves in a hotel with 60 11 and 12 year olds. I'm sure your dd schook will hold a similar evening and you can ask questions and reassure yourself that the school knows what it's doing.

OP please think about whether it's fair on your dd to deny her opportunities because of your anxieties.

Although they were Y7 they both have summer birthdays so were younger when they went than some Y6s would be at the end of Y6 iyswim huh?

If you can afford it, and she wants to go, then let her. Could you talk to the school for reassurance? Your anxiety shouldn't stop her doing things, that way lies resentment.

Showandtell i was just respobdibg to posyets who were sayig Y6 is too young to go on a trup abroad because they are still in primary school. But if a child in Y 6 had a September birthday and went on a trip at the end of Y6 they would be 11 years and 9 months old, for example. My sons have birthdays in July so when they went on their trips to Spain, although they were Y7 they were only 11 years and 4 months old. Ie younger than some Y6 chikden would be doing the same trip at the end of Y6. Hope that makes sense!

Op it is really difficult especially when you have anxiety. I have not flown in years as I am utterly terrified, this year my stbxh wanted to take the dc to Mexico. Can you imagine the state I was in for those 9 hours they were in the air? I tracked them there and back on the flight tracker. They had a wonderful time.

You cannot let YOUR anxiety affect your dd life, it will rub off on her too. Ds and dd both have school trips next year (Barcelona and New York) everything is a risk but no doubt they will have a the time of their lives.

I don't think it's unusual to have all sorts of catastrophic worries running through your head when these things are presented to us but it is a problem if the rational part of your brain can't take over and remind you that the chances of these things taking over is minuscule.
I suffer from anxiety it's exhausting and it definitely is a mental health issue. If I said out loud all the anxious thoughts that went through my head out loud you'd think I was bonkers. But I have had to work very very hard not to let it stop my dc doing the things they wanted.

As much as I would want and even for a while think it was a perfectly rational idea to go as well and stay close by at some point a niggle inside me would tell me it was excessive. If you don't have that inner voice you do need to seek help for this because come secondary there will be more of these trips and opportunities and the reasons you feel anxious will not go away because she is older. If she wants to go I'd let her. I went to holland in the last year of primary and 26 years later I still have so many fond memories of that trip it was an amazing experience and my first trip abroad.

You have to let her go. It's so unfair to put your anxieties on to her.

There's one thing not being able to afford a school trip and there's another being too scared to let your child go.

It being abroad seems a red herring. I bet you'd worry if it was a coach ride away.

I don't think 6 is too young to go away for one night. Anything more, yes, that's too much at that age.

We do over protect our children too much and they'll not learn that actually they can do things. It gives them a confidence to tackle things later in life.

I don't think YABU OP.
Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculously harsh. Some of the comments you'd swear people push their babies out, dust off their palms and leave their kids to fend for themselves without a backward glance

11 for an overnight trip in the UK I'd be ok with. No way would I let me DD go abroad with school at that age. It's too far if anything happens. Stick to your guns, if you don't feel comfortable letting her go that far then don't. Theres plenty more trips in her future when she's old enough to look after herself if something happened

Has someone suggested checking with the school to see if 'all' of her classmates really are going. If a little cohort are not then she might do fun things with the small group who are left.
That is quite young to go away abroad so there may be others not going.

I wouldn't want ds to go on a trip abroad at 9. Surely she won't be the only one who can't go?
Money is tight, I can't imagine every family could afford it.