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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not let my DD go on school trip abroad in Y6?

295 replies

jobergamot · 11/09/2017 20:49

DD is 9 and in Y5. Her school does a trip to Spain in Y6 and we have to sign up to it this year as they have to book it so far in advance/save up etc. I don't want her to go. It's because I can't bear the anxiety of anything happening to her and me being so far away. You read so bloody often about school coach trips crashing, I just can't get the thoughts of something awful happening. (I do have general anxiety about my DD dying or something terrible happening). She's shrieked at me that 'all her friends' are going and she'll be the only one left behind.

I'm a single mum, so no one else to bishboshbash this around with.

OP posts:
applesauce1 · 12/09/2017 07:43

3 children a year die on school trips compared to 7 children a day who die in road traffic accidents. You might infer from the statistics available that children are actually safer on school trips than with their parents (if you're into drawing sweeping conclusions from limited data...)

It will be fine. If you can afford it, let her go.

YeahButNo · 12/09/2017 08:01

I remember my parents signed me up for Paris in Yr. 6. I didn't want to, as my best friend wasn't going, and I wasn't really interested in the place back then. They paid the first installment, but I flat out refused to go, luckily, they were able to get the money back. I don't regret anything. Being abroad without my closest friend would have made me feel very scared and vulnerable at 11.

I think this should depend on how much your DD want to go and if her friends are going (wouldn't be as enjoyable if they weren't).

Rachie1973 · 12/09/2017 08:08

The Yr6 trip is something of a rite of passage. Most of the kids DO go. Ours costs about £300 for 5 days, it's expensive but that's because it's covered by huge amounts of insurance, decent coach companies, hotels that specialise in schools parties. They tell you a year in advance to arrange payment plans. I have to say 5 of our 6 have participated in the trip, even through business collapse and house repossession because the schools have allowed us time to pay slowly.

The only one that didn't was my eldest boy, we'd moved in the Feb and the trip was in May. It was all booked before he got to the school. He was one of 2 from a year group of 65 who didn't go. He spent the week in a classroom with younger kids bored out of his skull, and then when they all came back they did projects and schoolwork based around the trip. He felt left out.

I suffer severe anxiety, some of it (so the counsellors say) down to an over protective Mother. She now projects her irrational fear onto MY children when I let them do things she never let me do. Then again she and I have a bizarre love/hate relationship that's entirely weird.

Whilst it's hard to let go, I do think this is a case of 'letting go with strong elastic attached' as they're with people who will look after them and ensure their safety to the best of their ability.

These are the stepping stones for adult life. People keep saying 'Yr 6 is young' but it's 11. In 7 short years you're looking at Uni, and holidays to Malaga with no 'adult' supervision. These steps prepare them (and us) to separate eventually.

user1497997754 · 12/09/2017 08:11

You need to let her go and not exclude her from something that would be educational and enjoyable. You need to be aware that by behaving the way are will resinate onto your daughter and that is not healthy. I expect all her friends are going. My mother was just like you and it was horrible or me growing up as I always felt different from my friends and that I didn't really belong. I have carried this into adulthood and its not nice. Let her be the same as her friends and stop being to over protective se will grow up feeling smothered by you and it will back fire on you as she will not want to spend much time with you.

5rivers7hills · 12/09/2017 08:12

If you can afford it and she wants to go (without our being negative about it!) then of course don't be so selfish, let her go. What's more, let her go AND be happy and positive and don't project your mental Ill health onto her.

Ceto · 12/09/2017 08:14

I wouldn't want ds to go on a trip abroad at 9.

It's Year 6. She'll be at least 10, and probably 11.

Isetan · 12/09/2017 08:16

You don't have to send her but there will be other trips and your anxiety won't be going anywhere unless you tackle it.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 08:19

This thread is unbelievable.

Firstly, as a teacher I think a trip abroad at 10 is quite a lot for some children. The Year 6s I've taught over the years have been a mixed bunch and some would have never been away from home for one night, let alone abroad, on a plane etc. It's not a big deal to some. It's a huge deal to others.

Secondly, having concerns about your child doing something like this is not a mental illness! I have severe, diagnosed anxiety and panic disorder and worrying about a school trip abroad being comparable to real anxiety is absurd.

OP, if you are that worried, don't put yourself through it. It's not cruel or anything else of the horrible things people have said. It's a big thing and you're right to be concerned. You care about your child, which is perfectly normal. There is plenty of time for them to go on trips abroad - I think right now is not the time.

Justdontknow4321 · 12/09/2017 08:20

You need to sort your anxiety out, you can't keep your kid back just because your scared.

Let her go, have a good time and do not book flights and follow her. That just makes you sound completely crackers!!

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 08:24

Also to those saying teachers are responsible on these trips, believe me they are not. I've been on numerous residentials with different schools and on every one, the teachers have been drinking as soon as the children are in bed. I don't drink, so witnessed enough ridiculous behaviour from the adults to put me off sending mine for life.

Seeline · 12/09/2017 08:31

I think you are being unfair and selfish.
Your DD wants to go - the only reason you can come up with for her not going is that you will worry. ALL parents worry when their kids are doing something which they can't control, that is part of parenting. If your worry is so great that you are preventing her from doing stuff then you need help.

For those saying you didn't want to go on your trip - different case - OPs DD wants to go.

For those of you saying that there will be other opportunities - why should the OP let her DD go on those?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/09/2017 08:31

Also to those saying teachers are responsible on these trips, believe me they are not.

Speak for yourself, Huffletuff. When I think of the hours my colleagues and I have spent on DofE Gold expeditions, making sure that each group is exactly where they should be, working sixteen hour days to ensure everyone's safety, posts like yours make my blood boil. My colleagues and I take our in loco parentis roles extremely seriously and professionally.

You may not be responsible when you take residential trips but don't tar all of us with your brush.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 08:34

I'd have done serious concerns if you were my kids teacher Huffletuff.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 08:34

*some serious concerns

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 08:37

I'd have some serious concerns if you were my kids teacher Huffletuff

Why? Because I've experienced teachers that drink on trips on every trip I've been on?

How odd. I'm teetotal myself. I didn't realise other teachers' behaviour was my fault.

Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 08:38

You may not be responsible when you take residential trips but don't tar all of us with your brush

How do you know I'm not responsible?

PoppyPopcorn · 12/09/2017 08:41

I can't bear the anxiety

Your problem. Your issue to deal with. She is the one missing out because of your problems. Not fair. Send her and get help with the mental health.

NerrSnerr · 12/09/2017 08:42

OP, you said in your OP that you suffer from anxiety, is that not a 'mental health issue'? You word it like it's something to be ashamed of. Please don't let your anxiety rule what opportunities your daughter gets.

Ceto · 12/09/2017 08:45

Firstly, as a teacher I think a trip abroad at 10 is quite a lot for some children. The Year 6s I've taught over the years have been a mixed bunch and some would have never been away from home for one night, let alone abroad, on a plane etc

But that isn't what OP is concerned about - her daughter is desperate to go. Her concern is purely her own anxiety. Which needs to be put aside for her daughter's sake.

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 09:04

*Why? Because I've experienced teachers that drink on trips on every trip I've been on?

How odd. I'm teetotal myself. I didn't realise other teachers' behaviour was my fault.*

Because,

  1. If this really is the case I would expect you to have raised your concerns to the appropriate people.
  1. As a teacher I would expect you to be able to distinguish between a certain group of people and a whole preofession.
  1. I would expect you to know that anxiety that affects your life is classed as a mental health problem.
Huffletuff · 12/09/2017 09:11

@RestlessTraveller

  1. If this really is the case - How very patronising. Of course it is the case or I wouldn't have posted about it. Were you present to know that I didn't raise my concerns? Pray do tell what I did next.
  1. I was voicing my own experiences. Obviously I know not all teachers are the same, because I don't drink myself.
  1. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. Worrying about your child going abroad at the age of 10 is a normal human emotion. I'd be shocked if a parent didn't feel anxious about their own child.
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/09/2017 09:14

Anxiety is a normal human emotion. Worrying about your child going abroad at the age of 10 is a normal human emotion. I'd be shocked if a parent didn't feel anxious about their own child.

Getting to the point where your anxiety is unbearable isn't normal.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/09/2017 09:16

Also to those saying teachers are responsible on these trips, believe me they are not

Myself and my colleagues certainly were responsible on the vast number we have been on.

HTH

RestlessTraveller · 12/09/2017 09:19

Huffletuff

I take it you did raise your concerns then?

gingergenius · 12/09/2017 09:19

If she wants to go it would be bad to stop her. It's a fantastic experience for them and being the kid who didn't go and hearing all the excitement and chatter - both leading up to and afterwards DS can be very isolating. If she's not bothered about going that's different but if she's keen, don't let your anxieties stop her.