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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with Angry

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 12:34

Well I'd like to hope it is now sorted for now and in future. I've mixed with my new colleagues fantastically well, and now I'm doing stuff I should be doing in a few weeks time so I'm certainly enjoying myself.

Ive stated that I will drive her tomorrow and start at 8am but however from then I cannot help. I've told her I don't really like the idea of someone depending on me for lifts to and from work - I'm losing my thinking time and I need that in order to set myself up for the day. Our areas are opposite ends of the country and someone else is taking her to and from work next week, we are so far apart in terms of distance after the training period I will barely see her.

So she basically stayed silent while I said this, and after that I went to my desk and got on with the work I had to do which is going amazingly well. And a colleagues friend is a nurse, she's coming to have a look at my ankle later today :)

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/09/2017 13:15

I think you've handled it well. It's important to be assertive and stand up for yourself at work but I can see why you agreed to the lifts. The last thing you want to do is give your managers the impression that you're difficult and inflexible on your second day at work. (of course it's within your rights to refuse).

You were unfairly put in a really difficult position.

I think I would have done the same, and then moaned about it on here Grin

You'll barely see her after the training period? Thank fuck for that!

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 15:10

You'd have thought she understood my last conversation with her untilllllll

"Blue, can we leave dead on 6pm tonight as we left a bit later last night" We did yes, but that was because I was working and also because you were taking forever to pack up when I was ready to go.

I want to scream. I'm four days into a new job and love the role and everyone else, just not this. I have a weekly review on Friday so will be speaking to my Manager then

OP posts:
CHERRYBL0SS0M · 14/09/2017 15:25

she's trying to get control back

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 14/09/2017 15:31

Say "If you are ready on time then yes we will leave on time"

DanHumphreyIsA · 14/09/2017 15:32

Can't you do overtime?
Grin

LurkingHusband · 14/09/2017 15:32

You'd have thought she understood my last conversation with her untilllllll

Sorry, OP Flowers. I had a feeling this would run and run ...

TheMaddHugger · 14/09/2017 15:33

Next She will get herself transferred to where your work takes you

magicstar1 · 14/09/2017 15:39

OP you need to stand your ground...do not get up an hour early for her.
I'd been in a job two weeks when one of the managers jumped up little twerp told me (not asked!) that we were having a meeting at 8.00 am. I told him I start at 9.00...he said the meeting is at 8, and I said "That's fine, I'll be in at 9. It went on a bit, but I didn't give in. Give an inch and they'll take a mile.

Hissy · 14/09/2017 15:40

Nobody offered to take this woman back so I could go to the walk in, I still had to drive her to the hotel last night despite everyone (And her) knowing I wanted to go get it checked out.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY!

I can't take X to the hotel, someone else will have to, or call her a cab. I need to get my ankle checked out.

It may also mean that I can't give lifts, so it will be a good idea X for yo to start thinking about another option to get to and from work.

starfishmummy · 14/09/2017 16:15

I think if I were Blue, I might oversleep tomorrow Wink

Olaf4fuxache · 14/09/2017 16:34

Op,you need to MAN UP.Seriously.Your lack of spine is embarrassing.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 17:53

We've been sat in the car going back to the hotel and her son called her. Had a fully blown argument on the phone to him, said she was almost in tears as she's stressed with the new job and it's like everything is on top of her.

Ive softened a little and realised there must be a lot going on for her in her home life and probably wants people to like her and take her mind off things. Wanted taking to the hotel bang on time tonight for her ex visiting, I said sternly that I hope he's not still married and she ignored me.

Maybe she does have a good side but this week and the oversharing hasn't been the best start to a new working relationship

OP posts:
Cupoteap · 14/09/2017 18:28

Just remember you won't have to see her again after tomorrow

Motoko · 14/09/2017 19:56

She might be having problems, but she's probably brought them on herself.

Don't let soften you even more. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile. Because you haven't stood up to her, she'll keep on taking advantage of you. She's not a nice person.

JWrecks · 14/09/2017 21:42

@Motoko She might be having problems, but she's probably brought them on herself.

Hear hear! Surely nobody who would impose upon somebody they don't even know THIS MUCH would turn out to be a lovely person in all other respects. There's just no way. The kind of person who would have a co-worker's hours changed without their knowledge, simply to get a massive favour off them, is the kind of person who habitually alienates everyone else in their life.

This isn't a once-off or a case of hard times; this is the kind of cheek you hone and develop throughout a lifetime of imposition. Even if the hours change was for just one day, that, coupled with everything else, is such a massive abuse of boundaries and decency it makes me furious, and it's not even happening to me!!

Even from where I sit, I'm sure this woman's not only brought all her woes upon herself, but she's probably also making them out to be much bigger than they actually are.

@OP, I am SO sorry you're stuck working with this woman. I hope and pray that nothing changes and she continues working as far away from you as possible. I'm really hoping she doesn't find some way to wedge herself back into your life.

Though congrats on everything ELSE going so well!! Your new job sounds lovely, apart from this CF extraordinaire!

HeebieJeebies456 · 14/09/2017 22:32

she's conned you again OP, stressed with the new job...indeed.

She hasn't DONE any work yet!
All she's done is turn up and manipulate you into giving her lifts to work and the hotel, at times that suit her....and conveniently decided to ignore your car rules and went on to have a full blown argument over the phone!

You can't be that naive seriously?!
She dropped the 'work' thing into the call DELIBERATELY to reel you back in - and it's working.....

Jux · 14/09/2017 22:36

I think she is unbelievably rude, considering the massive favour you are doing her, and she is behaving as if you are her underling. At no point has she appeared to be grateful or even to recognise that you are saving her so much stress and expense.

Yet, you seem to just take it.

Gemini69 · 14/09/2017 22:44

I'm sorry OP but you're such a walk over... WTF ?! reading this was exhausting... Flowers

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/09/2017 23:07

I think OP sounds kind and empathetic. For whatever reason this woman has terrible judgment of situations and can't seem to cope with life without leaning on all those around her, not just for favours but emotionally too.

I still think it's best to keep away from her though! She'll take your kindness as a weakness and bleed you dry.

Sprinklestar · 15/09/2017 02:13

Blimey! What a load of fuss about nothing. Sounds like you quite like the drama, OP. Say no or stop moaning. That's your choice, really, isn't it? You're agreeing to all this ferrying her around. You can't then moan you don't want to do it!

Painfulpain · 15/09/2017 05:54

Blimey! What a load of fuss about nothing

This, I agree with. It's a lift. Do it,or don't

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 15/09/2017 08:46

I've been talking to the other new girl and she doesn't want to take her home or take her next week too! She feels exactly the same as me that she's taking the piss and oversharing and couldn't believe the whole four husbands story.

I walked down to the breakfast area this morning and she was there. Again. Like there is literally no peace. I had to tell her not to eat a hot sandwich in my car and that I'm not driving ten miles back to the hotel as she's left something, if she wants it she can do it herself

I really feel for the other girl. We are all of the opinion she shouldn't be working unless she can drive and pay for it herself.

OP posts:
AtHomeDadGlos · 15/09/2017 08:57

You seriously need to grow a backbone.

Whinesalot · 15/09/2017 09:23

At least it's only a week. It could be worse and she is in your life everyday. Grin