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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with Angry

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:
TheDayIBroke · 13/09/2017 23:16

NO! NO! NO!

You cannot allow this woman to ride roughshod over you and change your start time just so the lazy beast can catch a lift. You like your peace and quiet during your drive and you will have to deal with the torrent of verbal diarrhoea from her. How dare she!

On principle, I wouldn't be giving her any more lifts. She sounds like she has many problems.

JWrecks · 14/09/2017 01:42

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait a bloody minute.

SHE asked your manager if YOU could change your hours, so that YOU could drive to her, pick her up, and cart her into the office?

Is that what I just read???

She's got to be out of her fucking mind to ask the manager before asking you. Does your manager know that she never cleared that with you?

If I were you, I'd invent a reason that you CANNOT leave the house at that time and must keep your current hours, at least for now. And let him know that she never cleared that with you.

OP, you've GOT TO say no!! That is fucking MENTAL!!! I'd be throttling the bitch!!!

JWrecks · 14/09/2017 01:45

OP, you CANNOT allow this to happen. If she gets away with this, she will continue to do such things, at every possible opportunity. For all we know, she'll tell the manager that you've both asked to be on the same projects or something, in order for you to drive her to and from her clients.

You absolutely MUST put your foot down right away. And you REALLY MUST let the manager know that she is making these kinds of plans - changing your fucking work hours on your behalf - without ever so much as speaking to you about it!! No manager with a fraction of their salt would ever allow that to happen, esp not after everything else.

(Sorry for the double post, but bloody hell this woman is a CF extraordinaire!! Unbelievable!)

SilverBirchTree · 14/09/2017 02:13

OP, what happened with the badminton racquet? Did you get it back?

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 07:11

I think there's been a little bit of confusion here, as it's not as bad as I think everyone has interpreted it.

So I've said to them I can't take her home tomorrow as I'm visiting friends, and rather than get the train which is what she should be doing, she's asked the girl who is two weeks ahead of us in training to instead drive her home. Only problem is this girl is starting work an hour earlier tomorrow to leave an hour earlier.

Because I'm her designated taxi driver for a hotel 10 miles away she's asked (without my knowledge) that for this one day we both start at the same time as the other girl so I can bring her into work rather than just getting a taxi an hour earlier.

To cap off a god awful week I've tripped in the office yesterday and sprained my ankle quite badly - I shouldn't even be driving. Nobody offered to take this woman back so I could go to the walk in, I still had to drive her to the hotel last night despite everyone (And her) knowing I wanted to go get it checked out. Fortunately it isn't as bad this morning but I have literally zero time to myself, I have to lock myself in this hotel room to be on my own!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 07:11

The badminton racquet! I'm not there tonight but the woman and her son are going to sort it out for me :)

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 14/09/2017 07:15

You should have just gone to the walk in. stop worrying about others before yourself!

Gincision · 14/09/2017 07:35

You should have just gone to the walk in. stop worrying about others before yourself!

This.

And told her that you'd arranged to go in for 9 because this suits you and you're not changing your arrangements. Especially when she thinks it's reasonable to not even ask you in person but expects your manager to do her dirty work. Her choice is the lift with you for 9 or sort out something else that doesn't involve you.

She is taking the piss but you're letting her!!!!

Gincision · 14/09/2017 07:39

I'd also tell her that you won't be able to drive her next week.

She's told you she can drive. She must doesn't want to. Well, you don't want a passenger as your drive time is your time to relax. This is NOT YOUR PROBLEM

If it makes it easier for you make up an excuse but then be prepared for her to ask you every single time.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 07:46

I'm definitely not driving her next week. I've said I can't be relied upon for lifts as I visit friends after work and weekends so never know where I will be from day to day.

Only reason I agreed yesterday was because there isn't a logistical reason why I couldn't start an hour earlier, I just don't want to as I'll be there till gone 1pm anyway! So I sucked it up as it's once it will happen and never again, next week should be better as there's a few of us in the same hotel.

The thing that annoys me is that when I'm ready to leave, she is never ready and faffs for ages and also the smell of her perfume in my car. Tomorrow morning I'm putting a new air freshener in and hopefully it'll take the smell away by the afternoon.

And I'd bet anyone here the DVLA say she is fit to drive after we've been paid!

OP posts:
Gincision · 14/09/2017 08:19

You don't need a logistical reason to say no. 'I'm going on at 9 because that's what I've arranged and what works for me' is fine. Seriously, and I mean this kindly even though it won't come over like that, stop being such a bloody walkover.

I hate early starts and if someone tried to rearrange my timetable so I had to get up an hour earlier without even asking me I'd totally lose my shit.

She has got away with taking the piss because you have let her. Start standing up for yourself - your wants matter as much as hers.

Appuskidu · 14/09/2017 09:12

Are you usually such a pushover?! I wouldn't have agreed to any of these things!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/09/2017 09:25

OP - Because I'm her designated taxi driver for a hotel 10 miles away

NO YOU ARE NOT!!!

You got her there. Anything after that is a pure bonus for her but really REALLY not your responsibility. At all.

(sorry for shouting)

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 14/09/2017 09:35

Do you know how much I've spent on petrol and parking this week so far?! Over £100, and she's bitched about spending £30 on a taxi to get near my house to pick her up.

The problem I have right now is that with us two being the only ones in said hotel, nobody else can take her to and from work as I'm there to do it, and nobody has obviously endured those car journeys with her yet

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/09/2017 09:45

You really need to learn to say no. All the time you agree you are enabling her cheeky behaviour and also become part of her deceit.

hellsbells77 · 14/09/2017 09:50

She should be paying half those petrol and parking costs, you shouldn't be footing the whole bill regardless of how much she has spent on taxis.

Motoko · 14/09/2017 10:19

She can get a fucking taxi in the morning! No way would I get up an hour earlier for her. You don't need a logistical reason to refuse to go in earlier, just say it doesn't work for you.

And you should have gone to the clinic. You've put her wants before your own health. When I sprained my ankle recently, I didn't get it checked, and when I saw my doctor a couple of weeks later about something else, he told me off and told me to get it x-rayed the next day. She could've/should have got a taxi.

For heaven's sake, stand up for yourself!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/09/2017 10:48

You know who I feel sorry for Blue? Your colleague.

The manager has put her in this position. You have made it very clear (even if you have not said so in so many words) that you do not welcome her company in any way, shape or form, and yet she is still stuck with you in your car and for the duration of the training course and for as long as you both work for that employer.

Personally I think you are a right miserable arse, and if I were her I would take a half a dozen books in my luggage to read in the car and in my room. Most people going on a training course would be interested in discussing it with their colleagues and in getting to know their co-workers. Not you. You can barely be civil for the duration of the journey.

That poor woman has just started a new job, and already her other newbie colleague is making her feel like sh!t!, Way to go to establish a good working relationship - with her and with others.

(FWIW when I used to go on these things we were all expected to share cars etc for cost reasons.)

DanHumphreyIsA · 14/09/2017 10:50

@SchadenfreudePersonified did you miss the bit where the colleague has lied about being too ill to drive and just wants to save money? I feel sorry for the company who employed her under false pretences.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/09/2017 10:51

I apologise - I have just read your later posts. I take it all back and grovel unreservedly (that'll teach me to read the full thread)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/09/2017 10:52

Cross-posted Dan. I was in a grump myself and didn't read to the end (normally I try to avoid going off half-cock, but on this occasion didn't)- apologies.

Billben · 14/09/2017 10:56

and if I were her I would take a half a dozen books in my luggage to read in the car and in my room.

OP would have loved this😀
Have you even read the whole thread?

HeebieJeebies456 · 14/09/2017 11:16

So I couldn't really say no as I'd just come across as awful and doing it on purpose

I've come across people like you before, OP - you just love the drama of being a martyr.
You're not going to get far at work if you can't speak up for yourself or assert yourself professionally.

1 - Did you actually ask your manager yourself whether they told her to go directly to you and demand a lift-share?
I would have - and taken that opportunity to make it be known that it would have to be a one off as i have other commitments.
If you're not on the clock then your time is your own - everybody knows this!

2 - If you think your employer expects you to car-share...........have you requested they pay you the extra 5p per mile for carrying a passenger? Or asked them to pay for the insurance you will need to legally car-share? (Doesn't matter that you already have it)

3 - Regards the latest - have you actually spoken to your manager about your working hours being changed without your permission and without consultation?
In my experience, the manager probabaly told her it was ok as long as she spoke to you/someone who was also working those hours.
No employer would expect YOU to change your working hours to enable her to get to work!
So, actually you CAN say "Sorry - that doesn't work for me/i was never consulted nor did i give permission for my working hours to be changed by a colleague".

Managers respect those who respect themselves and can show they can handle difficult situations professionally....not those who allow themselves to be pushed around and walked all over just so they can come across as 'goody two shoes' and suck up to the bosses.
It's desperate behaviour and it's obvious to everyone.

I suggest you speak with your manager and be honest with him - you prefer quiet when driving and your colleague doesn't. It's making you feel uncomfortable and nervous when driving so you don't feel safe driving with her in the car.
Tell your manager what she told you - re not wanting to spend her own money on fuel etc and also using the hotel to carry out her affair with a married man.
Inform your manager that you have decided what working hours are best for you and you have arranged commitments around that. Therefore you want to consulted if the MANAGER wants you to alter your hours.

The only thing that should roll over on command is a dog - not YOU....and definitely not when your colleague whistles!

Sort it out!

Acromantula · 14/09/2017 11:46

I am an introvert and the idea of someone there, talking at me for hours would be my idea of hell! And making me get up an hour early! The CF!
I hope you can get it sorted out.

AprilLady4 · 14/09/2017 12:15
Shock