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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with Angry

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 17:49

I was that shocked I just said "Oh right"

I have no idea why she didn't just delay her start date until she could commit to this travelling. As after our training we will be in our regions in two weeks and nobody can drive her anywhere, she needs to pay for it herself

OP posts:
Wrapmeupincottonwool · 12/09/2017 17:51

I'm quite shocked by the responses! I think you are very unreasonable. You've just met her, already told her you like to sit in silence, you don't want to eat with her. Seems to me like you've judged too quickly. She may be finding her footing at work and not sure how to react. Just because you don't like someone, there's no need to be rude. You sound a bit snobby tbh. If she's still a pain in a few weeks, then fair enough but you've just met the woman. Have some tolerance, have some manners, be more flexible!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/09/2017 17:58

Please say that when you get back to your office, you mention to the management, if asked, you're not available to drive any colleague anywhere as you were making it up now very nervous having a passenger in your car, especially when the passenger kept talking and distracting you from your driving.

Have a nice glass of wine with your room service tonight!

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 18:01

I've sat and spoke to her for three hours in the car, stopped when she wanted so she could smoke/buy drinks as she forgot them. Listened to countless tales about work and the like, I've been perfectly pleasant for that whole journey and couldn't have sat in silence as it was impossible.

If everyone had gone for dinner tonight I would've gone too, it's now been arranged for another night. I've been as pleasant as I can despite not knowing the woman (Well I know most things now about her!)

OP posts:
pollymere · 12/09/2017 18:14

I was told I was going on a School Trip. Then asked if I could drive there due to coach size, then asked if I could take colleague. What starts out as being amenable easily snowballs into something horrible. As it turned out, it worked out fabulously as the coach got stuck in traffic on the way back. I got taught a technique where you think about what you would do if it were a family member. Don't feel bad, just do what you want to do and don't feel pressured into doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Three hours is a long journey to make with someone and with someone you don't know sounds downright dangerous.

OuaisMaisBon · 12/09/2017 18:17

You've had this woman who you met for the first time yesterday foisted on you for a three hour drive - and she doesn't even NEED to car share but is taking advantage of you so she doesn't have to pay petrol costs up front? I'd be incandescent if I were you, OP. I mean, of course I agree with car-sharing on principle, but this is OTT. She's also lied to both you and the boss, her constant stream of consciousness chattering aside.. Flipping nightmare!

alibubbles · 12/09/2017 18:19

If she had a cigarette when you stopped I wouldn't have her back in my car, no way!

Trollspoopglitter · 12/09/2017 18:27

"Have some tolerance, have some manners, be more flexible!"

Why, when she as the person who is receiving the free transport in OP's personal car has shown none?!

QuackDuckQuack · 12/09/2017 18:32

If you're going to have much to do with her in future then it's probably worth mentioning your 'surprise' at the revelation that she could drive and was lying to someone senior. I'd probably not want to keep someone who was clearly deceitful so early on.

LizB62A · 12/09/2017 18:38

Are they paying for your mileage? If so, it's not commuting so you need to make sure that your insurance covers you for business use anyway, whether you're giving her a lift or not

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 12/09/2017 18:38

If she can drive I would be making your boss aware of this and how she basically wants to mooch off you.

Appuskidu · 12/09/2017 18:41

God-she sounds like a nightmare! Will there not be any more journeys she'll ask you for lifts on? Didn't you say that the job involves driving?

Wrapmeupincottonwool · 12/09/2017 18:43

Trollspoopglitter says who? OP? We only have her side of the story. This is my point exactly. Stickerrocks put it perfectly earlier in this thread.

caoraich · 12/09/2017 18:43

Argh, I feel your pain. I am not sure if these long trips are regular for you but since she clearly didn't fancy driving rather than anything else, be careful that it doesn't become an expectation that you drive for future journeys.

I got into a nightmare situation with a similar colleague who did not take any of my hints or indeed directly saying "this is inconvenient" and kept turning up at my house at 7am for a lift.

It was solved when I unexpectedly inherited a motorbike Grin (I accept this solution isn't feasible for everyone but the day she arrived in usual work suit and I answered the door in leathers and breezily handed her a spare helmet was goooood )

Wrapmeupincottonwool · 12/09/2017 18:49

If they'd been working together for a few weeks then I'd totally be on OP side. But after one day is ridiculous

AnneOfCleavage · 12/09/2017 18:56

I think you have been amazing considering and definitely you do not owe her any more of your precious quiet time.

caoraich Did she accept the bike helmet and ride behind you to work or gasp in horror and call a taxi instead??

Cupoteap · 12/09/2017 19:02

ShockShockShock
Can't believe she admitted that

QuackDuckQuack · 12/09/2017 19:07

Trollspoopglitter says who? OP? We only have her side of the story.

Doesn't MN really fall down if we follow this logic. We never know the other side and just ignore that.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 12/09/2017 19:11

Trollspoopglitter says who? OP? We only have her side of the story.

Yes that's how these forums work. This argument never makes sense because you've decided to make a completely different story only using the evidence of someone you don't believe. You realise that's insane?

And have you missed the parts about this woman's boss having to tell her to be quiet to get a word in? Or that her conversation consists entirely of oneupmanship? Or that two other work colleagues have opted to stay in their rooms rather than deal with her? Or that she LIED TO HER BOSS to get a free lift? What about this says 'lovely person who I'd love to spend more time with' to you?

mantlepiece · 12/09/2017 19:16

I think the OP has a very fine tuned CF radar as do I .
No one minds helping in a crisis, but helping a CF once always snowballs into a situation where YOU have to call a halt and they then try to make you feel you are being unreasonable and harsh.

Once bitten, I would always follow my instinct and refuse to engage from the start.
The OP has been proved right in her judgement by her colleagues confession of her motives.
It's bad enough meeting these kinds of people in your private life but in a work situation it is truly intolerable and I can understand her dismay at having to face off this person on her first day of a new job!

monstiebags · 12/09/2017 19:18

If you are giving this woman lifts as part of work, you will have to be insured for business use on your car. I am not and always find this a handy get-out when needed. If the company want you to be a taxi, you should claim mileage and wear and tear.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 19:24

You know in a way I feel sorry for her. If half of the things she has mentioned are true she's had a very tough few years and maybe this is her putting on a brave face?

As much as it isn't what I'd do, and isn't how I'd act she's obviously in some financial difficulty to have to get a lift rather than driving. Following my training I will work in the same office but have very little to do with her. I've tried for the past two days to be polite at work and help and everything I can do, but my free time is exactly that. Mine, And I want to be on my own. It's Champions League week FFS and I want to watch!!

OP posts:
Motoko · 12/09/2017 19:29

I'd make sure the boss is told about her just not wanting to pay up front for fuel costs, and lying about not being able to drive.

Wrapmeupincottonwool · 12/09/2017 19:56

Quackduckquack & flyinggiraffebox... yes exactly, you said it yourselves. On MN we are here to give our opinion. As most threads start AIBU? Well yes I do think she is being U! OP asked the question and I answered. Like i said this is based on one days experience. This may be her way of fitting in. If we're talking a few weeks down the line I'd say ok I agree with OP, but not one day.

rainbowduck · 12/09/2017 20:13

I also think you are definitely bu. You sound cold, frosty and not at all like someone I would ever like to meet.

Maybe she talks so much because she is nervous? Maybe she just wanted to get to know you?

Car sharing isn't just about the money. There is also environmental factors, and I don't understand why any employer would not encourage it.

The fact that you agreed because you didn't want to seem unreasonable, is because you know that your feelings are unreasonable. And your subsequent actions (rules on behavior in the car, judging this woman rather quickly and sticking to your first impression, seeking justification according to how you have interpreted others reactions to her), shows that you are still being mean.

I think you need to give yourself a good shake, slap on a smile and give her a chance.