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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with Angry

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:
laura801 · 12/09/2017 20:37

This is definitely taking the Micky and I wouldn't be happy. Not sure if anyone else has suggested it but is there any scope to say your car insurance doesn't cover you for carrying passengers for business use? This is quite a common restriction I think even if you do have insurance for business use. Good luck!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/09/2017 20:43

cold and frosty? eh? Have you posted on the wrong thread?

OP gave her a lift, listened sympathetically to her life story for the duration of the journey although she wasn't asked anything about herself, stopped for her fag breaks, took a detour to the shops for her, took it on the chin when interrupted by colleagues and talked over, waited outside to escort her to the hotel and the nail in the coffin; she then admitted to lying about not being able to drive..

rainbowduck · 12/09/2017 21:11

Yes, after openly showing she felt uncomfortable and telling the woman that she didn't want to talk to her whilst they were in the car. Saying she will only speak when spoken to etc...

Hardly kind, is it?

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 21:22

I didn't tell her I'd only speak when spoken to? I made that promise to myself this morning, however decided to go with it, didn't hear a minute of the breakfast show! I told her I prefer to listen to TalkSport whilst driving rather than music which she wasn't happy with so said she's more than welcome to use headphones.

So no. I haven't been unreasonable, and no, I haven't been impolite to her at any point today. If I was I'd have refused to stop for her to go smoke wouldn't I?!

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 12/09/2017 21:23

I completely agree with you Rainbowduck. This all sounds like playground behaviour, rather than acting like professional work colleagues. OP joined the company on Monday and immediately took exception to another new employee. I would love to hear the other side of this as I imagine the OP is making her feelings known with a lot of huffing, puffing and eye rolling.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 21:36

Not at all, I'm a professional and it's bye the bye what this woman is like or her personality.

My AIBU was if it was a reasonable request to me in regards to my car. What I personally took exception to was the front of both the manager and woman to suggest I drove her despite knowing her all of six hours on a three hour drive. She could be anyone! I fortunately do have business insurance but they weren't to know that.
Ive sat for three hours this morning listening to her talk about her life and stuff that I feel shouldn't be shared to someone she doesn't know - including illnesses and using it as a front in order to not have to spend money upfront on petrol. I'd have respected her a whole lot more if she had just said that in the first place and sat in the car and talked celebrity gossip!

I admit, it was completely uncomfortable in the car journey listening to stories of illnesses and death and problems with family members as as much as I could give verbal nods, I was unsure of what to say.

Fortunately now I don't have to do it again and my car is my own.

In a final note, the reason I posted on here wasn't for confirmation I'm being a cunt to her, it was genuinely because I didn't know if their request was ridiculous like I think of if I was being unreasonable. It's always good to hear contrasting sides.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/09/2017 21:38

Come on, being stuck with a colleague who talks continuously about herself for 3 hours with no means of escape sounds like a daunting prospect . I don't blame OP for asking if they can listen quietly to her radio station during the journey.

It didn't happen anyway, as the woman ignored that request and talked over it for the entire time (apart from fag breaks). Not particularly kind or considerate of her really. Grin

nonfatnofoamlatte · 12/09/2017 21:59

I don't know how I would have handled it, OP. I probably would have ended up driving us off a cliff! I don't think you were mean or frosty. Ignore some of these PPs - they get off on taking the opposite side.

pp2017 · 12/09/2017 22:27

If your job requires travel from site to site you absolutely should have business class insurance so I don't see how you can go down the route of your insurance not covering you to drive her around??

Either it does, or your using your car for business without appropriate insurance....

I actually think YABU and pretty selfish, so you're going on a course together but don't want to car share for the sake of two weeks?? Bloody hell, suck it up and get on with it and help out a colleague who can't drive long distances for medical reasons, you never know when you might need her to return the favour!!!

AtHomeDadGlos · 12/09/2017 22:40

It sounds shit OP and frankly she is rude to ignore your rules regarding the radio etc.

Avoid avoid avoid as much as possible.

Abbylee · 12/09/2017 22:49

She admitted that she lied about being unable to drive bc she wanted to save money. She is sociopathic.

She wanted to be picked up at her out of the way home, asked for cigarette breaks, and has no verbal boundaries. YANBU.

I would be worried about the new job. Your boss is not a winner either. If it was a company car, that is different. It doesn't sound like OP is being reimbursed for car usage: which is not just petrol. Its graded under " mileage" for wear and tear on car too.

Boss may be obnoxious and self-interested too!

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 22:52

Did you forget to read the post which said she's used the illness as an excuse when in actual fact she didn't want to spend money on petrol from her own pocket. For about the fifth time, I have business insurance but the company haven't asked me if I do or not, so they weren't to know.

If I had an of my ex colleagues wanting to car share I'd have done it without hesitation because of the simple fact that I know them. I don't want an unknown stranger in my car, I don't think that is unreasonable at all to ask for.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 22:54

Im being paid the standard 45p per mile? Which is fine as it more than covers my petrol and will probably pay for the two new tyres I need too!

Its not the money side of it I'm bothered about, it's the company insisting that someone travels in my own personal car with me (I'm guessing they aligned her start date when it was delayed to do this) when I don't flipping know her.

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/09/2017 23:06

Op did suck it up and get on with it. There's nothing wrong with having a little vent on here.

Your colleague does sound fairly self absorbed and lacking in social awareness.

That's extremely difficult to deal with as she may not pick up polite social cues, be able to read body language and will think nothing of making demands of her workmates without consideration of their feelings.
Talking over people during conversation, interrupting without being aware that it's bad manners and not picking up how uncomfortable you were with her oversharing in the car are huge red flags.

pp2017 · 12/09/2017 23:19

Yeah I saw that after I posted (scrolled too fast) so apologies....

Agree lying is not good and that probably would have irked me too - but to be fair OP didn't know that when she first asked if she was being unreasonable...... so on the basis of the information available when the original post was made, I still say yes BU....

It's not unreasonable for an employer who is paying for the travel to expect employees to share that travel.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 07:15

I'd be so uncomfortable I hate the whole thing say you're going to stay with your friends the night before aswell so you don't have to drive her there. I know exactly the type you're talking about blerghh

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 07:23

anyone saying OP is being unreasonable and cold or frosty... you are that person that makes people uncomfortable. if you don't know someone with the personality OP is describing then it's you.

Esspee · 13/09/2017 07:33

Would love an update OP on how the rest of the training goes. I don't feel you are being remotely unreasonable.

LakieLady · 13/09/2017 07:33

I feel your pain, OP.

I'm mentoring a new colleague who is profoundly fucking irritating. She isn't using her car for work yet because of some complication with insurance which is, apparently, easier to resolve when it's renewed next month. I have to have this cretin in my car every bloody day!

She doesn't listen, she thinks she knows the job already and simply doesn't take stuff in when I put her straight, and talks fucking non-stop. Out of consideration, I don't smoke when she's in the car but I think my consideration is about to run out.

i can't even get away from her in the office, either. Thank fuck I've only a few more days of it before I have a week off.

Wrapmeupincottonwool · 13/09/2017 08:11

Sunshinerainbowlollipops. What if 'that person' feels so out of place, so uncomfortable that their mechanism to break the ice is to talk too much and behave in that manner. Maybe this lady goes home every night consumed with anxiety, wondering if she's been accepted, wondering if she was a burden, not knowing how to deal with the situation, planning how to make a better impression the next day?
This lady maybe exactly what OP says but I think she deserves a bit more time before being judged.

rainbowduck · 13/09/2017 08:34

Sunshinerainbowlollipops, not really. But I was brought up to be as kind as possible to others, and certainly not to approach people with the mindset of OP.

It costs nothing to be kind. And while OP fulfilled her perceived obligations, her description of events has not, to me, painted her as kind.

But, I guess it's all open to interpretation of the information given. The only one who can really gauge her actions is the OP herself.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/09/2017 08:36

What if OP felt anxious? It was her first day too, driving an unfamiliar route with a training course to attend. She certainly felt uncomfortable with this woman's personal stories being shared for the entire trip.
I'm not sure why one person's feelings should trump the other.

You're right, it's great to feel sympathetic to a person that struggles to behave in a social setting. It's extremely hard to spend a day with someone who has little awareness of how they're being perceived. It's draining and frankly exhausting .

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 08:47

from what I gathered from this post the certain 'type' of person it made me think of really doesn't care for the people around as long as she's happy

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 08:49

if someone is self absorbed, irritating and over the top plus a liar to make her own life easier without the thoughts of others I wouldn't have sympathetic thoughts towards that person.

mummmy2017 · 13/09/2017 09:33

Don't forget to log the travel to the venue each day as well. Then give yourself a treat with it when you get it all back.