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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:

PennyQ · 11/09/2017 23:25

Guess I have to blame my vision loss on misreading your post, sorry. I didn't read that driving was essential for the job. Apologies.

Yambabe · 11/09/2017 23:34

Hi OP it doesn't in any way make up for actually having someone you don't know very well (and appear to have taken a fairly instant dislike to which is fair enough if she is as pushy as you say) in your car but if carrying a passenger who is also an employee on a work-related journey you should be able to claim am extra 5p per mile on top of the standard HMRC-approved 45p.

PerUnaStubbs · 11/09/2017 23:35

Get a language CD that you 'have' to practice for an unspecified exam. Spend three hours robotically reciting Gaelic sentences. Or put on an audio book 'for your book group'. You might have to forgo Talksport for a few days but it's really hard to talk over something that someone else is clearly listening to.

DanHumphreyIsA · 11/09/2017 23:55

@PennyQ but this woman has taken a job for which she is seemingly required to drive. Just because she now can't drive, another person shouldn't be made responsible to get her to and from work.

HiJenny35 · 12/09/2017 00:15

If you have an accident and the insurance company find out you were driving people for your work your insurance will be invalid as I'd bet your insurance doesn't cover business use. I had this issue when I needed to use my car for driving children for work.

Jux · 12/09/2017 00:30

Just say "ssshh" every time she opens her mouth. If she doen't, then drop her at a station....

TheMaddHugger · 12/09/2017 02:20

blue Wrote : " she is a total tool. In the end one of the other managers had to tell her to shut up to let me finish what I was asking as she was interrupting constantly."

did she then be quiet ??

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))
My Sil is like this but in her case it's anxiety. She fills in any quiet moments. I tell her "Its ok to just sit quietly, I still love ya Sil. My not talking right then and there doesn't mean Im upset with ya".

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 12/09/2017 09:08

Those commenting on driving being required for the job, the OP hasn't said what sort of work it is but if it's not bus driving or the like and just the need for o travel between work places whilst it may be convenient for someone to drive , under DIsability Discrimination an employer must arrange another way.
We have organised taxis for 2 employees in the past . One paid for by access to work ( part of job centre as a long term condition and one paid for by us.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 12/09/2017 09:12

Regardless of DDA in this case I would expect 2 people going to the same place to car share. Doing it myself today with a colleague I would prefer not to socialise with but do you know what , that is what happens when you work .

SuzukiLi · 12/09/2017 09:28

I don't really get the issue. If you're going the same way surely you'd give a work colleague a lift? Why wouldn't you?

AlternativeTentacle · 12/09/2017 09:37

I don't really get the issue. If you're going the same way surely you'd give a work colleague a lift? Why wouldn't you?

I don't get the issue, surely you read the OP and subsequent posts. Why does having to travel for work mean that the OP is now a fully funded taxi service? There are trains available and the OP doesn't know this person from Eve.

TheMaddHugger · 12/09/2017 09:44

@SuzukiLi Tue 12-Sep-17 09:28:08
I don't really get the issue. If you're going the same way surely you'd give a work colleague a lift? Why wouldn't you?

the issue is the lady won't Shut the Fuck Up and Let OP focus on her Driving .

It's bloody well Distracting and makes driving harder.

if the OP is anything like me, driving is my time. I zone out and focus on the driving and yeh.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/09/2017 09:56

Hope the drive this morning was peaceful and not full of chat and banter from your passenger OP.

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 17:12

Afternoon, so yes it was tedious and she didn't shut up. Every story I had she outdid herself by trying to beat it, and I know every detail about her life now and I can guarantee she knows the bare basics about me!

She exceeded herself today when a new colleague was telling me about the work she does fostering children with severe emotional difficulties by interrupting and telling the whole room about her child. Now I'm sat in the car waiting for her to hurry up and come out to take her to the hotel. I shouldn't be a hotel taxi service either, oh and I must be right as the other two people down here with us have declined going for dinner with her to stay in their room

OP posts:

Coffeeandcrochet · 12/09/2017 17:33

I have been told I have to share a hotel room with a colleague on work trips to save money - 3 hours in a car doesn't seem so bad!

Hortonlovesahoo · 12/09/2017 17:35

Count down the minutes OP! It'll be over soon!

Stickerrocks · 12/09/2017 17:37

AIBU to think that my new colleague is stand offish and a bit rude? We've both started with the same company and We've been forced to go on a training course together. I can't drive long distances at the moment, so we had to share a lift to the venue. She told me that she doesn't like noise whilst driving, but insisted on listening to Talk Sport non stop for 3 hours. Whenever I tried to break the ice by chatting about things we have in common, she looked like she had kissed a wasp. Everyone else is joining in & getting to know each other, but she obviously doesn't want to do the same. I'm hiding in the loo, building up the courage to get in the car with her for our trip back to the hotel, because I know it's going to be agony. I'll probably talk too much, as she makes me feel so uncomfortable. I hope the rest of my colleagues aren't so unfriendly.

There are two sides to every story....

Trollspoopglitter · 12/09/2017 17:41

Having a conversation with a passenger isn't the same as listening to the radio. Most people understand the difference.

Tell her you found it impossible to concentrate on driving when you tried to hold a conversation with her. Tell her she should put on her headphones and zone out because you need to listen to something familiar and concentrate on your driving.

Nikephorus · 12/09/2017 17:42

as the other two people down here with us have declined going for dinner with her to stay in their room

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 17:42

Forgot to add, she's also admitted tonight that she can drive she just didn't want to spend money and claim it back for travelling.

OP posts:

eddielizzard · 12/09/2017 17:44

well she can drive herself tomorrow then!

Original poster

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 12/09/2017 17:45

I've actually got on fantastically well with my new colleagues today - it was interesting and I've really enjoyed the learning experience. I'm well aware there are always two sides to a story but I've tried and tried to put myself in her place and can't do it.

If I could drive and the job includes so much travelling, I wouldnt be asking a colleague to drive me because I don't want to fork out money upfront for petrol? Everyone has to, it's the job. I was polite for the entire journey but I'm sick to death of the one upmanship from her.

At least there isn't any more car journeys!

OP posts:

FlyingGiraffeBox · 12/09/2017 17:47

What did you say to that?!

JakeBallardswife · 12/09/2017 17:48

Say you're leaving at x time tomorrow so if she's not there at that time you'll just assume she didn't want or need a lift.

Mummadeeze · 12/09/2017 17:48

I might be in the minority here but I think you sound intolerant, unfriendly and stand off-ish. I feel sorry for her. It is a classic case of an introvert extrovert clash. But I am probably a bit offended on her behalf because I would be really chatty, sharing stories and hoping for company on a work trip and if I was her, I would be a bit gutted and wondering why you didn't like me and what I had done wrong. I think you should try not to judge so quickly and give her a chance if you will be working together. People like her probably find quiet people like you really hard work too and over compensate. It is only a few hours out of your life and as you are new you should try a bit harder to get along with all your colleagues, not just the ones who are like you.

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