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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They really are taking the piss this time aren't they?!

242 replies

BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 17:07

Following on from someone stealing my badminton racquet, we now have an incident at my new job which started today which I'm really uncomfortable with Angry

So, I started today with another woman. The other woman was meant to start two weeks ago but has now declared herself fit for work (quite apparent she isn't fit for work as the DVLA won't allow her to drive). A part of this role is that we drive to training centre three hours away for the next two weeks.

Today I was collared by a woman I'd known around 35 minutes to say "We thought it'd be fine if I came down and back in your car with you". Well I had to say it was fine as my boss was saying to do it. This woman is loud, obnoxious, talks over the top of you, always has to be one better, and I've learned that in four hours of work today. I do not under any circumstances want to sit and drive her anywhere for three hours (plus the 3 x 20 mile round trips from hotel to training site).

Ive lied and said on Friday I'm going to visit friends so can't bring her back, so she's going to ask for another girl two weeks ahead of us in training to give her rides. She's never even met her!

Also, she's not happy I've told her I like to just listen to Talksport quietly in the car and drive, she wasn't happy. Also not happy when I said I'd been having room service in the evenings as now she apparently has nobody to eat with. NEITHER DO I, but I enjoy it this way. I've got no problem being polite during working hours, but this has been the first day at work from hell. She's my complete opposite personality wise and not someone I could ever have more than a standard working relationship with.

AIBU to think she shouldn't have started work until she was able to drive, and also that I shouldn't be cajoled into giving her rides or being her evening entertainment?

OP posts:
AtomHeart · 11/09/2017 19:31

If you are claiming mileage and knew you would have to use your car for business,then I think UABU. You should get an additional mileage amount for carrying a passenger. Presumably this is all in work time? It is normal for companies to expect car sharing. It sounds like you have trouble fitting in with colleagues. Suck it up.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 19:33

Fortunately I do have business insurance from my last role. My new employers don't know that and I didn't until about ten minutes ago when I remembered!

Its my car? If it was a pool car fair enough but sure I can choose who I travel with in my own car?

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 11/09/2017 19:38

I think you are getting this out of proportion

She's been told she needs to do this and her (new to her too) boss has said, oh Blue can take you. It's your boss who has created this situation. Not this woman. It's none of your business about her fitness to work or drive.

Don't for goodness sake make her sit in the back, don't be completely rude to her, you may have to work with her for a long time.

Its fine though to be honest and say I just cannot chat when I am driving. You only have to get through one journey. It will be ok.

Chalk it up and always have an excuse at the ready in future, even if its "I'm just not comfortable with that".

HeebieJeebies456 · 11/09/2017 19:39

You've already decided you're only doing this once and that's it.

Get over it already. Go chill in the bath or something.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 19:43

And we are travelling at 5am, so no, not on the company time whatsoever

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 11/09/2017 19:45

Do not pick her up though
And I can't imagine many people would want to make conversation between 5- 8 in the morning

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 11/09/2017 19:46

You are on company time when you travel and get paid expenses. (Despite being asked several times you have not confirmed the nature of the expenses- do you know? ) . You may not get paid overtime for it or able to claim time in lieu but it will be company time. Has to be for employment insurance purposes.

Fartypant · 11/09/2017 19:54

We are obliged to take the cheapest method of travel. I can't imagine it going down well, having 2 employees travelling to the same place and claiming separate travel expenses.

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 19:57

I do get paid expenses at 45p per mile. That in turn does not make me a taxi service? In fact the money is irrelevant in this, I'd rather not claim them and use my own car to drive there and back free of any passengers

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 11/09/2017 19:59

Not a taxi service but car sharing with another employee going to the same place is not being a taxi service

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 20:01

Like everyone has said, there is no way I will be impolite or anything of the sort. I'll travel down and listen to the radio and will answer back when spoken to.

Not on any of the evenings are there a company dinner, we have a lunch tomorrow with other colleagues. So I'll be going to the gym, she isn't my responsibility to cure her loneliness whilst she's away. Then after that she will be getting a ride from this other girl apparently. So all will be super.

One trip, take deep breaths and hope she falls asleep!

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 11/09/2017 20:05

I would always expect my colleagues and employees to car share if they were travelling to the same training course. You sound as though you have taken exception to your colleague and your manager on your first day. Have you ever considered self employment? Then you wouldn't need to work with anyone else.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 11/09/2017 20:08

We are obliged to take the cheapest method of travel within reason. That doesn't mean you have to pile into other colleagues cars!

I'm surprised people are saying "get over it, suck it up, chill"

I'm sure most people would be seriously annoyed if pressured into driving a colleague for 3 hours, particularly a stranger who talks incessantly. It sounds shit.

Fartypant · 11/09/2017 20:15

We are obliged to take the cheapest method of travel within reason. That doesn't mean you have to pile into other colleagues cars!

Uhmmm...Yes it does. It wouldn't occur to me to NOT car share. And I work with some right tedious bastards.

JWrecks · 11/09/2017 20:17

I don't know what to tell you about the three hours... but didn't you just remember that your [sister/cousin/niece/best friend] - who's just had a lovely baby (her first!!) - has moved right round the corner from the hotel? Didn't you need to spend time with her, help her with the new baby, do some chores for her while she's recovered??? Of course every night! She's only just had her first baby!

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 11/09/2017 20:18

Car sharing and incessant talking - the former is reasonable as regards the latter it is possiblle to ensure this doesn't happen if not work related e.g. Not engaging or saying at the start you don't chat in cars.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 11/09/2017 20:22

JWrecks OP doesn't need to make an excuse up for the evenings . She has other plans, end of . She can spend them in her room , or in the bar on her own checking up on mumsnet

JWrecks · 11/09/2017 20:42

@2bees Yeah, but I didn't want to offer nothing at all! Blush

I can see this type of person nagging about evenings as well. If she had one big excuse all ready to cover every night, she might get nagged a bit less?

I honestly don't know of anything to offer for the 3 hour nightmare drive other than putting a stern foot down, but that's not something I could bring myself to do, iyswim.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/09/2017 20:54

Did your new boss definitely volunteer you?

Are you sure new woman didn't hassle the boss and the boss said "If you don't want to drive or get the train why not ask blue if she will give you a lift?"

Original poster
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 11/09/2017 21:03

I don't know what actually went on or how it came about, just that about 35mins into my first day she asked if the manager had spoke to me and because she couldn't drive, could I take her. If I said no, I'm a total bitch and if I say yes my totally lovely three hour drive I've been looking forward to for the past week is wrecked.

Car sharing is all well and good, my past colleagues I'd have been happy to do it with because I know them and we know when we are annoying each other and when to just be quiet. I don't know a thing about this woman other than that if I've done something she's done it way bigger and better. It can be interpreted as just being overzealous on her first day or that she is a total tool. In the end one of the other managers had to tell her to shut up to let me finish what I was asking as she was interrupting constantly.

I dread to think what these three hours will be like in the car tomorrow.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/09/2017 21:57

Good luck. I hope you manage to keep her quiet for most of the drive.

At least your new manager might not be a dick, she might have made it up that you were told to do it. That's a silver lining I suppose.

AtomHeart · 11/09/2017 22:00

Tell her that you cannot concentrate on the road and chat at the same time, so she would be best of bringing her phone and headphones. However, it sounds like this working environment is not for you.

justilou1 · 11/09/2017 22:45

I assume you will also be billing her for half of the petrol, etc? Email your boss about this as well, if it was his idea.

BeBeatrix · 11/09/2017 23:12

I don't think you have much choice about the lift sharing, although she's incredibly rude to ask you to collect her from her house 12 miles away and to complain about your choice of radio station. She can always wear headphones!

I don't know that she would have had very much more choice about starting work before being able to drive again, than you've had about driving her.

It seems wise to stick to your guns about having room service rather than dining with her. She sounds pretty awful, and there's no reason you should feel obliged to spend even more time with her outside work hours.

PennyQ · 11/09/2017 23:23

You haven't thought this through have you? I had my licence revoked because of functional vision loss. My sons revoked due to epilepsy. Are you saying we are too ill to work because we legally cannot drive? Am totally confused why you link driving with work/being ill. But

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