To think my husband is trying to have an affair

[sad9999]

A year ago my husband went to a conference and bought another woman a necklace. It was an infinity necklace witha diamond. She returned it to him with a note saying it was inappropriate. The package was given to me by his secretary as he was away and I deal with all his post when he is away from work.

I confronted him and he claimed it was innocence. It is out of character for him to buy gifts for any one i do all the buying he can't be bothered.

He is at the same conference again and has been really horrible since last year. Refusing to help lots of digs at me undermining me in front of the kids. Really glad to see him leave. Just been on the laptop and a message from her popped up please don't complicate things I can't see him tomorrow night !

Definitely go away for the weekend. Tell him beung a good dad includes clean clothes, tidy house and healthy food.

I dread to think of the chaos i would come back to

I would also be informing his family and friends of what he is doing..utterly discrediting him in their eyes might shame him into compliance. Let the entire world see him for the disgusting slobbering pervert he is.

I did this when I my H (who has cheated in the past) sex texted his colleague. His parents turned on me (and now have nothing to do with me) and although I had lots of encouraging messages from my friends it didnt actually do me any good.

Would love his parents to have nothing to do with me

He won't cope? But he wants 50/50 with the kids ... tell him it will be good practice for him.

I think reality is hitting home. Very easy to criticise when you do nothing

Indeed it is! Make sure you do go away otherwise he will think you won't follow through on other things you are saying and that he can keep control.

Apparently I can't go he won't be able to do everything

If you don't go can you get it in writing that he doesn't want you to go away and leave him looking after the kids on his own? But really you should go.

I have a text saying not. He has just given me some money to get a treat 😠

Offer him 50/50 - one week on, one week off, so the kids can have routine in their lives. If he think your children are your weak point he’ll use them to get to you. Tell him one week on one week off will enable you to establish a career. He can put in a flexible working request.

Think he will hate it. He is used to everybody waiting in him

I am late to this thread and have nothing to offer but support. Are you OK, OP?

OP - you need a shit hot lawyer with access to a forensic accountant. That's the only way you'll get to the bottom of finances unless you blow the door off the safe

He is driving me mad nothing happened is all I hear repeatedly

What a wanker! If anything happened isn't the point, it's strange he doesn't see that. Wouldn't he be mad if the situation was reversed!?

Did you post about this before?

Just texted him to aask him

Have some respect, ditch him, consult a good solicitor. Yiur flogging a dead horse with him, he neither loves or respects you.,

MsJudgemental I think she posted last year when the first conference happened and not-so-dear-husband bought a diamond necklace to the woman he wanted to impress. At the time, OP took him back, but things have turned to worse. The conference was again this year and he was stalking this same woman again, who apparently kept declining his advances. OP is fed up not just of his flirting/obsession, but of the lack of respect, the verbal and physical abuse, the example he is setting to the kids, his arrogance, her position as just cleaner and cook, and the lack of any nice moment between them, among other stuff

OP whether he managed to have sex or not, is irrelevant.

1. he doesn't love you, he just wants you around to cater for his needs
2. he doesn't do nice things for you, but we know he's capable because he's done it for the other woman
3. he is verbally abusive and calls you names in front of the kids
4. he flips when things don't go his way and becomes physically agressive
5. he treats you in such a way that even your sons don't respect you anymore
6. he doesn't want you to leave "just because" he wouldn't manage with the childcare/house workload (tell him to pay a cleaner and babysitter with all the money he has got)

Etc etc etc!

Apparently he wouldn't mind

He wouldn't mind paying for a cleaner and babysitter? Well, let him. At least you would be rid of him then.

What a useless, useless man. He treats his wife like hired help, pursues another woman for a year despite her clear and repeated rejections, and then attempts the 'nothing happened' because he was unsuccessful. Well, 'nothing' may have 'happened' in terms of him actually having sex with her, but something certainly has happened in most other respects. Not only did he cheat on you emotionally, but much, much worse is his continued vile treatment of you. You deserve so much better, and the sooner he is out of your life the better. As far as your DCs they need to see that their father's behavior is unacceptable and has consequences. They need to see you stand up for yourself. We do not need more men like your 'D'H in the world, and that is what they will become if their father's actions stand uncontested.

I am so, so angry on your behalf, OP, and wish you nothing but the best. You deserve it.

Thank you for the support