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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is trying to have an affair

234 replies

sad9999 · 10/09/2017 23:23

A year ago my husband went to a conference and bought another woman a necklace. It was an infinity necklace witha diamond. She returned it to him with a note saying it was inappropriate. The package was given to me by his secretary as he was away and I deal with all his post when he is away from work.

I confronted him and he claimed it was innocence. It is out of character for him to buy gifts for any one i do all the buying he can't be bothered.

He is at the same conference again and has been really horrible since last year. Refusing to help lots of digs at me undermining me in front of the kids. Really glad to see him leave. Just been on the laptop and a message from her popped up please don't complicate things I can't see him tomorrow night !

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 26/09/2017 01:01

Just offered me a set sum of money and shared care of the kids to divorce quickly. ..

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 26/09/2017 01:19

i'm sure the sum is more in his favor than yours. take your time.

Userlavender · 26/09/2017 01:55

Another sick pup that needs putting down on mn. OP don't sign / agree to anything until you have seen solicitor. If I were you I would clean him out and also find some way of accidentally sharing his creepy emails - or sending them to all his colleagues. Whatever - something nasty. Many nasty things. What a lowlife man - so sorry this is happening to you.

MistressDeeCee · 26/09/2017 01:56

Your DH is a creepy stalker and I hope she puts the police on him.

Good luck with your future plans, best leave him to itFlowers

Original poster
sad9999 · 26/09/2017 07:01

Apparently if I don't agree he will spend it all fighting me in courtd

OP posts:
Cambionome · 26/09/2017 07:30

Have you seen your solicitor yet?
Don't sign anything until you've had legal advice. Flowers

Lemond1fficult · 26/09/2017 07:34

Sorry this is happening, OP.

I don't have experience of this, but in your place, I'd consider agreeing for now. This of course depends on how much he's offering you, and whether you think
A) you can live on it
B) it's worth it to get the dickhead out of your house/locks changed
I'm sure a shit-hot lawyer could advise you better on how to get your fair share once he's moved out. Seeing a solicitor (and getting in that safe!) needs to be your absolute priority. We're all rooting for you here.

Original poster
sad9999 · 26/09/2017 10:40

It is tempting to take his offer to get rid of him

OP posts:
uglyflowers · 26/09/2017 10:59

No! See a good solicitor.

Userlavender · 26/09/2017 11:09

Just pretend that your going to sign it then - say you need some space - just get him out of your sight. In court he won't be fighting you - he will be fighting your solicitor. When I said 'clean him out' realistically that isn't so easy anyway - court will make it FAIR so you get what your entitled to. You get one shot at this - you can't go back and ask for more money later. You need to be set up properly so you can look forward and have some peace and happiness - I personally wouldn't let him take that away from me anymore. You've had a miserable time with him and come this far, this is one more step then you won't have to suffer him near you anymore. A solicitor will be able to advise you - if you can get yourself to an appointment I think it will be so worth it for you in the long run x

Userlavender · 26/09/2017 11:09

*you're!

ijustwannadance · 26/09/2017 11:22

He will have far more cash stashed than you think. Hence hiding safe keys.

fuzzywuzzy · 26/09/2017 11:32

Get a a shit hot solicitor if he's offering you money now you can bet you're entitled to a whole load more.

Don't sign anything without your own legal advice.

When he goes away next get into the safe.

When you see a solicitor ask if he/she will settle their fees from the divorce settlement if you have no money to pay them. But discuss it in detail with any solicitor you choose to instruct.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/09/2017 11:37

I'm also of the opinion that if he's offering you a lump sum to get you to go quickly and quietly then you can bet your house on the fact that he's got a bit more cash stored somewhere.

C8H10N4O2 · 26/09/2017 11:53

If you don't have access to the safe is he illegally withholding your passport? I would want that if nothing else.

His behaviour to the woman at work sounds more like harassment frankly - she has sent gifts back but needs the work he offers?

Agree you need proper advice from a good solicitor. If he is this calculating and you have discussed him moving out he may well have been shifting money for some time, hence the locked safe.

Gemini69 · 26/09/2017 11:56

he's offering you the slim edge of the Cheese Lady... see a Lawyer Flowers

AGoodCupOfTea · 26/09/2017 13:00

What a fucking creep well done for telling him to do one!

Fantasticmissfoxy · 26/09/2017 13:55

Unless your husband is a very HNW individual and he has offered you a suitably enormous cash sum (enough to set you up very comfortably in a new property etc) do not accept his first offer. Stall for time (say you need to consider it, you've had a huge shock etc etc) and find out as much as you possibly can about your joint finances and position. Also tell him that you won't consider his offer until he opens the safe in front of you and you go through the contents together. Speak to a solicitor. Quickly. He is out to shaft you

Therewere5inthebed · 26/09/2017 13:57

This thread seems remarkably familiar to me too. I’m sure i’ve read this before..

Gemini69 · 26/09/2017 14:49

yip what fantasticmissfoxy says Grin

TheCatsMother99 · 26/09/2017 19:34

Exactly what foxy said. Took the words right out my mouth.

Play nice but don't play the fool.

Original poster
sad9999 · 27/09/2017 16:45

Solicitor was very helpful should hopefully get rid of him eventually with her help but think it will be a fight

OP posts:
Lemond1fficult · 28/09/2017 11:58

Well done OP! Every big change starts with a first step, and you've done it now.

NurseButtercup · 28/09/2017 12:06

Suggest you ask for this thread to be moved to relationship's you will get lots of very good advice in there how to proceed through your divorce. Good luck Flowers

TheCatsMother99 · 28/09/2017 12:11

Good luck sad.

I have every faith you're going to be absolutely fine.

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