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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is trying to have an affair

234 replies

sad9999 · 10/09/2017 23:23

A year ago my husband went to a conference and bought another woman a necklace. It was an infinity necklace witha diamond. She returned it to him with a note saying it was inappropriate. The package was given to me by his secretary as he was away and I deal with all his post when he is away from work.

I confronted him and he claimed it was innocence. It is out of character for him to buy gifts for any one i do all the buying he can't be bothered.

He is at the same conference again and has been really horrible since last year. Refusing to help lots of digs at me undermining me in front of the kids. Really glad to see him leave. Just been on the laptop and a message from her popped up please don't complicate things I can't see him tomorrow night !

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 30/09/2017 22:44

He will deny it and twist things

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 01/10/2017 00:13

call them now... why wait to be assaulted again Hmm

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 07:04

A lovely night sleep in the spare rooom. 9 days to go

OP posts:
Happinesssssss · 01/10/2017 07:09

Ask your solicitor if £500k sounds like a fair deal. I always wish I had divorced my ex straight away as I might have got a better financial settlement and avoided a lot of hassle as things got nasty as time went on.

43percentburnt · 01/10/2017 07:18

Call the police, an assault may mean you can get him removed from the house. Non molestation order, it has to be done quickly. You must report to the police - explain you feel threatened and how he assaulted you.

43percentburnt · 01/10/2017 07:21

www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/

Yes you will be scared to report him.

He is stalking a colleague, he has no respect for women and his behaviour has escalated towards you - name calling, name calling in front of kids, hair pulling. I bet there's other things too.

CakesRUs · 01/10/2017 07:38

You will be well rid by the sounds of it, you deserve so much better for your life. We really do only live once, I really admire you for taking a stand and doing something about the crap situation he's put you in. That woman obviously is being harassed by him, but he keeps going! Very strange behaviour.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 01/10/2017 09:31

Good morning. Just popped on to say I'm thinking of you 🌺

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 11:17

Thank you. Apparently non of this would have happened if i was a better wife. Oh well wont have a wife soon will he

OP posts:
rightnowimpissed · 01/10/2017 11:22

None of this is your fault he chose to be an asshole so don’t take that from him, absolutely screw him out of everything and let him cry into his cornflakes everyday cause he has to get them himself.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 01/10/2017 12:12

You may not be able to see it, as they're your own posts iyswim...but your strength and determination are shining through so much on your posts! You got this...

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 12:50

He wants to talk now

OP posts:
Hissy · 01/10/2017 12:58

You don’t have to talk to him, what did your solicitor say about his offer?

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 13:29

She needs more info on finance which he controls

OP posts:
Fantasticmissfoxy · 01/10/2017 13:39

OP this is starting to sound very alarming to me and I'm not usually someone who would be easily spooked - but his behavior is escalating rapidly and his need to control everyone and everything is shining through in your posts.

Even the fact that your posts are very short gives the impression that you might be having to hide the fact that your posting? I think you should speak to women's aid to see if there is a way to get him out of the house. He has assaulted you (not for the first time I bet) and men like that will only get more violent and destructive the more they feel their power slipping away -
google 'family annihilator' and please please don't take his behavior so far lightly

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 14:36

He knows he has lost control and doesn't like it. He is on a charm offensive

OP posts:
Jedimum1 · 01/10/2017 16:37

Get ready to ditch him, locate in the house all paperwork you might need, take pics, photocopy if possible. Get account number details, do copies of keys, arrange a locksmith to come on the day he's out so you can open the safe, contact someone you trust in case you can go and sleep there in an emergency, etc. Don't let him know you are doing this, but be ready...

AllRightNowInFactItsAGas · 01/10/2017 17:11

Ugh - tell him to fuck right off!

How absolutely vile! I've caught exes cheating or trying to many moons ago and my heart full with gratitude that none of them still feature in my life now!

You will find happiness again because you don't listen to this creepy guys bullshit, narc charm offensive. Please stay strong and you will prevail!

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 17:31

Still maintaining his innocence he is misunderstood !!!

OP posts:
Jedimum1 · 01/10/2017 17:43

It's not only about his obsession with this woman, it's about his lack of respect for you, his abusive behaviour and his lack of tender love and care for you.

Original poster
sad9999 · 01/10/2017 17:55

I think this is the final straw though she has done me a favour

OP posts:
OhThisbloodyComputer · 01/10/2017 18:04

I'm not qualified to give advice. Neither, I imagine, are many people who know you online.

Relate would be good people to speak to. Or another qualified relationship service or legal conciliator. (Even family lawyers have woken up to the idea that aggressive partisanship, although lucrative for them, doesn't help either party.)

Fro the little I know about divorce, which isn't much, the settlements don't seem to be about blame apportion.

Relate helps. Don't ask me how I know.

OhThisbloodyComputer · 01/10/2017 18:09

I forgot to add. All the people that egg you on - and egging the other party on - make the situation far worse than it needs to be.

I do sympathise and know how you might feel. But please find some sensible counsel.

Branleuse · 01/10/2017 18:12

Do you think hes a lot better off than hes letting on? DO you think thats a good deal?

juliecorrigan · 01/10/2017 18:18

Don't worry about the kids answering back. That's what they do at their age. Protect your future, decide whether you want to walk out or throw his stuff into the garden and change the locks. I'd go for the latter and before the children blamed me, I would make sure they understand what he is at. Good luck. You are worth better.