Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is trying to have an affair

234 replies

sad9999 · 10/09/2017 23:23

A year ago my husband went to a conference and bought another woman a necklace. It was an infinity necklace witha diamond. She returned it to him with a note saying it was inappropriate. The package was given to me by his secretary as he was away and I deal with all his post when he is away from work.

I confronted him and he claimed it was innocence. It is out of character for him to buy gifts for any one i do all the buying he can't be bothered.

He is at the same conference again and has been really horrible since last year. Refusing to help lots of digs at me undermining me in front of the kids. Really glad to see him leave. Just been on the laptop and a message from her popped up please don't complicate things I can't see him tomorrow night !

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 15/09/2017 00:05

I'm sure this was posted before quite recently.....

The details of the necklace, how it came into your possession, the safe keys and back chatting dc, not wanting to leave until exams were over.....it's all the same.

If i recall correctly, the advice was to break into the safe, get your ducks in a row and get legal advice and divorce him.

Are you going to divorce him now?
Or are you prepared to put up with this behaviour from him until your kids have sat their exams/started college//left home?

MrLovebucket · 15/09/2017 00:11

I'm sure this was posted before quite recently.....

The details of the necklace, how it came into your possession, the safe keys and back chatting dc, not wanting to leave until exams were over.....it's all the same.

Well the OP says not and nobody ever lies on MN so maybe it was a reverse by the reluctant object of the creepy DH's affection.

Grin
Mimsy123 · 15/09/2017 04:03

You're reading his emails? Maybe this is symptomatic.

Original poster
sad9999 · 15/09/2017 10:27

Not sure what that post means !

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 15/09/2017 13:43

What do you plan on doing.. if anything. You seem annoyed but aren't really deciding on what to do. Why would you allow him to call you names in front of the children, to the point they now also call you names for over a year? Why haven't you already left? Why are you now deciding to leav your children because you are annoyed at their attitude when you should have already taken them from the situation or told them their behaviour is not on. If you have already tried all of that and it hasn't worked then you take them from the source that is causing their awful attitude.

Do you even want to leave? I know it's hard and costs money etc, but you have had over a year now that you should have been saving up during.

Buying jewellery for another woman and that woman handing it back is so off I would have instantly assumed affair and would have started thinking about what to do. Why haven't you? I'm confused basically. (Also, I've never been in this situation, not in a serious relationship with children anyway).

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/09/2017 13:50

What a sleazy moron.

Sorry to hear this, OP.

Spend the next few weeks getting your ducks in a row, then get the locks changed when he's away next month, and send him a text saying you are starting divorce proceedings and have locked him out so he'll need to find alternative accommodation when he returns. Good luck!

dollydaydream114 · 15/09/2017 13:56

He then replied good girl

'Good girl'??

This alone is a fair indication that he's an absolute wanker.

Branleuse · 15/09/2017 14:28

you know you need to end it. He is humiliating you and ruining your relationship with your own children. You need to take action because this will get a whole lot worse if you dont get on top of it and quickly

Gemini69 · 15/09/2017 17:10

he sounds like a manky dirty pervy creep ..... get him out Flowers

Original poster
sad9999 · 23/09/2017 18:55

He has changed the code on his phone. I think that says it all. Seeing a solicitor next week

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 23/09/2017 19:11

good for you OP.. you're taking control back.. Flowers

rightnowimpissed · 23/09/2017 19:30

Hope you get him by the balls, he's an absolute tool

Original poster
sad9999 · 23/09/2017 21:56

Do I site this behaviour as a reason for divorce

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 23/09/2017 22:03

I think if you claim infidelity then you need proof? Unreasonable behaviour you need five examples but they can be quite tenuous.

A solicitor will advise your best course of action. Think about the outcome you'd like and work towards that.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/09/2017 22:12

You may as well but it doesn't really matter. The fault for a breakdown of a marriage doesn't lead to financial punishment/compensation, i.e. you don't get more for a cheating bastard than for mutually falling out of love. Go with whatever solicitor says is easiest.

Original poster
sad9999 · 23/09/2017 22:23

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 25/09/2017 08:38

He is still writing emails ffs. Please talk to me you are special.!!

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 25/09/2017 10:25

He is pathetic can't bear to look at him. She is not interested yet he goes on and on and on. You are a special friend...

OP posts:
Subtlecheese · 25/09/2017 10:27

Deja vu?

Anecdoche · 25/09/2017 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontLetMeBeMisunderstood · 25/09/2017 10:44

You don't need five examples for unreasonable behaviour but disrespecting you in front of your children, calling you fat, pursing another woman, denying you access to assets (i.e. locking you out of the safe) - these are all unreasonable behaviours. Personally I'd want to try and get into the safe before letting him know you know, because he doesn't exactly seem like he's going to behave honourably at this point and he may start to squirrel things away. Good luck to you, he sounds appalling.

Original poster
sad9999 · 25/09/2017 11:33

Why because he won't leave and I have nowhere to go

OP posts:
notquitegrownup2 · 25/09/2017 11:46

You don't need to cite his behaviour to justify separating. The relationship is not giving you anything is enough.

He calls you fat and stupid! Please phone Womens Aid and get their support in exploring your options. You can also do the Freedom Programme, online, for £10, exploring why you have accepted this from someone and how you are worth so much more.

It is awful if someone refuses to leave, but he may reconsider if he sees that you are serious about moving on with your life. Talk to WA, get a free half hour with a solicitor, to explore your options especially if he does refuse to move out.

Marriage is not supposed to be like this. Your children are seeing how he speaks to you and learning that this is what a home should be like! Is that what you want for them? Best of luck.

Original poster
sad9999 · 25/09/2017 14:30

I have told him he moved out or I will be will never cope with all the running around I do

OP posts:
TheCatsMother99 · 25/09/2017 14:36

I'm glad you're seeing a solicitor next week. This isn't healthy for anyone.

Get your ducks in a row and then leave.