I do everything you do and work...

[Chocolatecookiesandmilk]

Aibu to think this line is ridiculous. I hear/read it a lot in regards to sahms. It just doesn't make sense to me, life isn't either you work or you don't, there are so many other factors - the amount of kids you have, how much your partner works, if you even have partner, your mental or physical health, the amount of support you receive, if you have someone to help with childcare, if you are a carer on top, if you volunteer etc etc........

Personally, what annoys me (and it's usually when people are on TV or such) is when they ask what you do and they say things like "I am a FT mum" or something like that. I find that quite insulting to every woman who works and is also a parent, that they are then somehow less of a mum because they also have a PT or FT job?! Every parent is (or should be) a FT parent; some also work, again this can be down to choice, circumstances, whatever, but it doesn't disminish their role as a mum! Like I said, it's usually on TV etc, don't really think I've come across someone like that IRl!

Reading this thread on a Monday morning when I know have work for nine hours I see slightly more bitter about SAHMs. I have to cook, clean, do laundry, make bottles, make beds, make dinner and iron. BUT I have to go to work where I am responsible for 32 kids in the middle of all that.
Yes I chose to have a baby knowing finically I would have to go back to work straight away but I can't see how SAHPs have it hard. They have to do a similiar amount and have nine extra hours to do it AND get to spend time with their children.

I've only ever seen it in response to SAHM's who write these big lists of every chore they do, as if other people don't pay their bills or cook or wash their dishes or read to their children.

pengggwn because people don't see it as obvious, example just below you from.gastonswife. LOTS of sahm aren't just doing those things, yet a working mum will still say she has to do all that and work.

kmc I can honestly say I've never given a list lol! But when I have seen someone give a list it's because someone has asked what they do all day, not to say oh I'm so busy, much more so than you, but that there is plenty to do to keep yourself busy.

To be fair I've only ever seen it with the type of lists pp have described which can include 'household/school admin, paying bills, meal planning' etc.

I know someone who hasn't worked since her only child was born who is now 14. Constantly talks about how busy she is

Can't stand the competitive martyrdome.

I work full time and more, but can completely see how being a SAHP is as busy as WOHP.

However I don't consider people not working after all their children start school as SAHP. I view them as house wives/house husbands, because they have 6.5 hours a day child free.

Well, I think it's true, I do work and so everything's a SAHM with children at school does. I also have an ill parent to care for. I'm the class rep this year and have held a position on the PTA for the past 2 years.

I'm not sure why SAHM's find this annoying, unless they secretly feel they aren't doing enough with their lives. If that's the case then get on and change it!

"Again. It's not a which is harder. It's life has so many variables that it's not as simple as who has it harder workers or sham."

Isn't that blatantly obvious though [confused?

OP your friend acted unthinkingly with a hint of unsupportiveness and competiveness. Maybe she was feeling fed up too. Don't sweat the small stuff.

"could then go on to say but your dh works 4 days mine does 7 and I have 4 kids and you have 2 and so on as to reasons my life is harder but I don't as it's pointless."

But if you really felt it was pointless because with a husband working 4 days and two children there may be challenges in her life you don't know about then you'd surely just think to yourself that she might be having a bad day?

There is so much ,ore to do as a SAHM.

If children are at nursery or being cared fro elsewhere than the home is empty and not getting trashed.
Being at home with small children is relentless, kids need fed and occupied, all that creates much more work.
Parents who work full time don't have that 40 hours a week of scraping yogurt off the carpet.

People feel the need to justify how they spend their time as a SAHP because of bitter people like gastonswife who assume that because they work they are doing everything and more.

I hate this debate.
I tried twice being a sahm. I was not gifted at it.
I found it far harder than full time work.
But i am fairly slovenly by nature

Yes exactly pengggwn competitive martyrdom is annoying from both sides, like when I working parent pulls that but I do everything line or if I dare comment I'm tired, I could then go on to say but I do this and have this on etc but it's just pointless. We all have stuff on, we all have the right to be tired sometimes, we all have the right to find things to much sometimes, everyone has it differently.

It's a fair point, once the kids are at school

GastonsWife

Your choice.

I jacked in my career when I had kids. They are teens now and I work only 15 hours a week.
Best move I made.

I fully accept that sahms do a better job (than me!).
Sat on a train now so won't be giving my kid breakfast, nor cooking a proper meal tonight.
Each to their own.

grey that was an example, not real. But yes she may have more going on and we could have spent hours saying but I have to do this and you don't have to do that.

I'm not with you on this, I had a falling out with a friend over this because I had no time to go round to her house at the weekend. My point was I'm working 50 hours a week and then trying to do stuff that she does all week at home, she said me working was the same as her staying home. If you believe that then you must have never worked while having a house to care for and children to look after. I stayed home for the first 4 years of ds life and it was so much easier, now I am Co strangely tired, being on chores and fed up. Staying at home IS Not the same as working all week and then having to do the chores and cook and all that. To think that you must be living in a fairy land.

fartypants still not true, kids and work aren't the only form of busy.