babysitter texting DH

[Perso25]

I think I am being a bit silly but has been in my mind a couple of days so I thought I would ask other peoples opinion.

We have a lovely babysitter who occasionally comes and looks after my DD (18months) for a couple of hours.

The other week she asked for my DH's number so that she could send him pictures of our DD. I know she doesnt fancy him (she is 16 he is 35, she has a bf etc etc) and I know he doesn't fancy her etc etc.. so I am not sure if it is reasonable of me to find it odd they occasionally message one another?

The messages are always innocent and usually asking after our DD. Sometimes asking him to go on her instagram as she has posted a picture of our DD on there.

Is this normal? Do any of your babysitters do this? Am I feeling off about it because deep down I must be an insecure wreck?

Note sure if it is relevant but before getting his number the babysitter used to communicate with me about when looking after our DD as I was the one who would know the dates and times etc.. but haven't heard from her since she now messages DH.

Just tell your babysitter that you are not happy with photos of your child on social media. And that she should only correspond with both of you professionally. There may be a reasonable explanation. You've said your husband now organizes times and dates with her - you need to explain that cuts you out of the loop. You also need to ask your husband why he suddenly took this on without including you.

I am the mother of a teenage girl who babysits frequently, and three who are now older but used to babysit frequently. I used to babysit myself, as a teen.

There are some really troubling aspects to this.

First, it is completely out of order to take photos of someone else's children, whether just for yourself or to post online. Just for this alone I would fire the babysitter and would make it clear to her that I would not be giving a reference. I am gobsmacked that anyone would think this is ok.

Second, I agree with AnyFucker - what possessed your husband to think the casual communication with him, using your children as the topic, the 'foot in the door' so to speak, was in any way acceptable? She is playing happy families with him - he is daddy, she is mummy, and your children are 'the kids'.

This girl is pitching her cap at your H and he is not averse to that.
Wake up, OP.

Some of the language used in this thread is utterly horrific.

It's surely possible to tell OP to trim her without using nasty language about this child !

All men are evil and don't trust ANY of them. For crying out loud.

There are far more posts suggesting this about teenage girls than there are of men, including describing the girl in the situation described as a "bimbo".

This thread is horrible. It's always women on women as well. Nothing some hate more than a female who is younger than them and possibly more attractive, and relish the opportunity to jump in and have a kick. Even if it's a sixteen year old child they will wade in accusing her of all sorts, even when there is absolutely no evidence to suggest the sick ideas they are putting forward.

It really is abhorrent.😔

This thread is horrible

Agreed.

I would check out her IG just to confirm if there was another motive.

And she should absolutely not be uploading pics of your DC anyway and should be told not to.

Huh, OP not been back. Surprisingly.

OPs DH hasn't asked her not to post photos of their children, if he's clicking like or whatever then it wouldn't be unreasonable for the teenager to think he's ok with her posting his children's pictures.. If he and OP have agreed to no posting photos of the children, then id be questioning why the DH didn't tell her so instead of following teenage children's profiles on instagram.

I wouldn't be happy with my dcs pictures posted on social media, I'd expect dh to point it out if our teenage babysitter sent him instagram links and would be curious as to why he hadn't. Both parents here knew she was posting pics of the baby and one of the parents is being made aware of photos and following links to look at them. Sounds like Dad is ok with her posting his child's photo online?

I might have missed it but I don't recall OP saying her husband was following the babysitter on Instagram or liking the pictures?

I agree this thread is horrible. I also wouldnt be ok with the girl posting my dd on social media. The op didn't seem bothered about that aspect. But maybe that wasn't the most troublesome part of the behaviour. Unless she comes back we won't find out.

I would nip this in the bud before anything happens. I would maybe talk to the girls mum and tell her that youd rather all communication goes through you rather than your husband.

The OP and husband are clearly aware of the photographs being posted. Of course, this has also been ignored in the desperation to blame a 16 year old girl for this (when they should immediately tell her not to if not comfortable with it which would be unsurprising) on top of the misogynist attitudes towards and views of teenage girls in general espoused by many throughout this thread.

I wouldn't want my DD who was babysitting communicating with the father of the family. Having seen the thread with the 43 year old and the 16 year old, age is not a deterrent.

I wouldn't want my DD who was babysitting communicating with the father of the family.

And some people still wonder why more men don't take an organising role within the family...

Brittbugs, you have made a profession of babysitting and expect professional rates, I get it. But the OP is referring to a child who is still at school. She will not be getting professional rates. She will not be qualified. She is not a professional. To expect professional behaviour from a school aged child is not reasonable

No, but as the adult she is babysitting for, is not up to the OP and her Husband to set the boundaries and lay down what's acceptable and what's not? If your paying a 16 year old, you are paying a cheaper rate therefore getting someone inexperienced and unaware of what may be acceptable.

Putting photos on social media of the child you look after is not acceptable, the 16 year old needs telling (unless the OP is happy with this, she didn't actually say)

She obviously has some concerns hence coming on here but the babysitter will only know if she's told and so far, the OP and her Husband have lay down no boundaries.

It is not teenage girls in general. It is a teenager girl who is behaving inappropriately. Whether it is innocent or not, her behaviour needs addressing.

The father needs to be more vigilant. He may view her as just the baby sitter and with no sexual element. He may be feeding his ego by being the object of a teenage crush. He may sexual attracted to her. We don't know.

Both father and baby sitter are at fault. The father, as the older, more experienced person should have recognised it was inappropriate and reacted. Teenagers can be forgiven for lack of experience and clear boundaries.

Most of the teenagers I work with are fine. Most of the parents I work with are fine.

A few unfortunately, aren't. It is these people that the safeguarding training is needed for. It is at the expense of normal interactions. Innocent relationships, that could be beneficial, suffer.

@paranoidpammywhammy2 is spot on.

This isn't about woman vs woman or being threatened by someone younger. This is seriously weird behavior that needs to be stopped.

I would not leave a small child with someone with boundary issues and poor judgement. Not because I was concerned that my DH would accidently trip and his penis would accidental fall inside her, rather, I would not leave my small child with ANYONE who didn't seem to have their act together, healthy boundaries, have good judgment, etc.