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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

babysitter texting DH

195 replies

Perso25 · 10/09/2017 18:16

I think I am being a bit silly but has been in my mind a couple of days so I thought I would ask other peoples opinion.

We have a lovely babysitter who occasionally comes and looks after my DD (18months) for a couple of hours.

The other week she asked for my DH's number so that she could send him pictures of our DD. I know she doesnt fancy him (she is 16 he is 35, she has a bf etc etc) and I know he doesn't fancy her etc etc.. so I am not sure if it is reasonable of me to find it odd they occasionally message one another?

The messages are always innocent and usually asking after our DD. Sometimes asking him to go on her instagram as she has posted a picture of our DD on there.

Is this normal? Do any of your babysitters do this? Am I feeling off about it because deep down I must be an insecure wreck?

Note sure if it is relevant but before getting his number the babysitter used to communicate with me about when looking after our DD as I was the one who would know the dates and times etc.. but haven't heard from her since she now messages DH.

OP posts:
Shumpalumpa · 10/09/2017 19:34

So does DH now contact her instead of you when you need her to babysit?

And did you give her his number or did she get it from Whatsapp?

ParkheadParadise · 10/09/2017 19:36

TheDowagerCuntess
Doesn't make sense to me either Hmm

ViserionTheDragon · 10/09/2017 19:40

Time to find another babysitter.....

Birdshitbridgegotme · 10/09/2017 19:47

I personally think it's weird and that she does fancy your husband. Not saying he fancies her back but why xant she send the pics to u through WhatsApp? It's almost like "hey come look at my Instagram I out a pic of your daughter on therr inbetween all my pouting selfies, look how beautiful I am!...sorry maybe im just very suspicious but I have seen whats in Instagram especially from young girls. Its straibge also because she used to comunicate woth u but now doesnt. Why aint you being invited to look on her Instagram to see pics of your daughter?

RicottaPancakes · 10/09/2017 19:51

I would ask her not to take photos of your daughter.

buttercup54321 · 10/09/2017 19:57

I bet she has a massive crush on your DH.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2017 20:03

To answer some of you I think she started messaging him rather than me as she kinds him a lot funnier than me and may well find him easier to talk to. Whilst I think we also get on fine she definitely prefers chatting to him (he is more funny than me)

this SCREAMS.... crush Flowers

TipTopTipTopClop · 10/09/2017 20:06

On one hand, fathers are supposed to be as involved with their children as the mums, but on the other, they are not allowed to communicate with the babysitters

Another example of how MNers can fall over themselves trying to establish how progressive they are. In no way is this normal.

I'd be amused to see how uncomfortable my husband would become with a 16 year old girl texting him. That said, I'd be finding a new sitter sharpish.

Did you give her permission to put pictures on Instagram?

MajorClanger123 · 10/09/2017 20:13

Our babysitter always used to text my DH for arrangements because she is the daughter of his cycling buddy. Never thought anything odd about it at all. I always left him to walk her home at midnight too.

I did end up obtaining her number though because he used to forget to book her & then we found ourselves without any childcare for various nights out.

I wouldn't like the Instagram postings of my kids though, although if her page was private and not public it might be ok.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 10/09/2017 20:17

Surely if she is old enough to babysit, a group chat involving her mum is weird and unnecessary?

Her taking pictures of a baby she is babysitting is not necessary.

Her posting them on Instagram in VU!

You seem have lame excuses about her finding your DH funnier than you.

On what planet do you think a 16 year old will not be attracted to a 35 year old? (Or vice versa).

This all seems a tad odd to me.

HMC2000 · 10/09/2017 20:22

Ah, bless her. She has a schoolgirl crush on your DH, because she thinks he's clever and funny. The reason she is putting pics of your dc up on instagram is so that he will follow her account and get to see her duck face pouty selfies, and realise that she is actually a beautiful woman.

Sounds like you've done the perfect thing, with DH no longer chatting to her separately. She'll get over it, and will one day be embarrassed by it. For what it's worth, when I was 15, almost all my friends fancied my 40 year old Dad. He loved the attention, but took it for what it was, and was never on his own with them, no matter how early they might turn up when they called for me. I would sit and roll my eyes while they gushed to him about their favourite bands, but they all grew up and moved on to more appropriate crushes.

I would definitely ask her not to put pics up on instagram, though: there are no filters or privacy settings, and everyone can see anything she puts up.

coddiwomple · 10/09/2017 20:24

Another example of how MNers can fall over themselves trying to establish how progressive they are. In no way is this normal.

You misunderstand me, I was just mocking all the "feminists" going on about equality and all that nonsense. I get insulted when I dare say that men and women are not the same even if we are lucky enough to have the same rights and opportunities in this country bladibla

My own DH wouldn't even drive a babysitter home on his own, let alone text them. There are too many nutters who could accuse him of anything, so if needed, I drive he babysits and he's happy because it means he can drinks

There was a thread where a woman was absolutely infuriated that a father had dared driving her child back home after a sleepover, all 5 minutes drive of it, instead of the mum. Seriously, nutters everywhere.

MammaTJ · 10/09/2017 20:24

The correct response to 'Can I have your DHs number so I can send him pics of your DC' would have been 'Hell no, you have mine and we, as a couple, do talk to each other'.

Now you are at this point, your, oh so funny, DH needs to rein it in and remember he is dealing with a teenager who has a crush on him, BF or not.

becotide · 10/09/2017 20:30

... This is a 16 year old girl we are shredding here. They are not adults at 16.

She probaly does have a crush on your husband, yes. My sister's male friends used to crush on my when I was 25 and they were 15. The entire responsibility in that situation was on MY shoulders, as the adult, not on THEIR shoulders as the children to not flirt with me.

The responsibility in on the husband/father's shoulders. Not a teenaged child, who is only halfway through her teenaged years.

becotide · 10/09/2017 20:32

"Unprofessional" are you fucking serious? She's a 16 year old babysitter. Of course she's unprofessional. That's basically the definition of children.

Brittbugs80 · 10/09/2017 20:36

Babysitting is my second job. As in I declare my earnings because of how much I earn doing it. I babysit for 5 different families.

No way would I or do I take photos of the children I am sitting for, least of all put them on any social media platform. I only have phone contact with one Dad out of all the families, and he texts to let me know when they are on their way home so I can open the gate for them. Usually, the arrangements are always carried out by the Moms for me to babysit, I never text the families either unless it's to do with arranging a babysitting date.

I'd consider looking for another sitter. While some 16 year olds are responsible, you unfortunately will get ones who don't quite understand boundaries.

But then I've had one family ask me to babysit, ask me my hourly rate then ask me to drop it to £3.50 per hour because their 16 year old neighbour will do it for £3 hour but they want someone with experience and qualifications.

BIWI · 10/09/2017 20:37

It's all nonsense!

Smeaton · 10/09/2017 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2017 20:43

I agree OP.. way too much familiarity ... it breeds contempt .. remember that old saying ....

I'd be utterly furious if anyone posted photos of my kids anywhere...

your Babysitter is crossing alot of boundaries Lady Flowers

becotide · 10/09/2017 20:43

Brittbugs, you have made a profession of babysitting and expect professional rates, I get it. But the OP is referring to a child who is still at school. She will not be getting professional rates. She will not be qualified. She is not a professional. To expect professional behaviour from a school aged child is not reasonable.

newdaylight · 10/09/2017 20:44

If its inappropriate for a babysitter to speak to one of the child's parents, why is it any more appropriate for them to speak to the other parent?

Doramaybe · 10/09/2017 20:44

Why did she ask you for DH number and not him?

Why did she not feel that you would like to see pics of DD also. Maybe she did.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2017 20:48

She's a 16 year old young lady... she quite possibly does not understand that she is being overly familiar .... having a quiet word about boundaries will embarrass her... but worded correctly will solve the issue.. if OP thinks it needs addressed x

Starlight2345 · 10/09/2017 21:04

Yep crush..DH needs to be very careful.

Also I would speak to her telling her not to photograph your DD and to remove pics from FB.

ZanyMobster · 10/09/2017 21:10

I think you are doing the right thing stopping the private messaging, I am sure your DH is not interested at all but the chances are she is, I would have been at that age, I had no interest in boys but dated many men over 35 at age 16/17.