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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

babysitter texting DH

195 replies

Perso25 · 10/09/2017 18:16

I think I am being a bit silly but has been in my mind a couple of days so I thought I would ask other peoples opinion.

We have a lovely babysitter who occasionally comes and looks after my DD (18months) for a couple of hours.

The other week she asked for my DH's number so that she could send him pictures of our DD. I know she doesnt fancy him (she is 16 he is 35, she has a bf etc etc) and I know he doesn't fancy her etc etc.. so I am not sure if it is reasonable of me to find it odd they occasionally message one another?

The messages are always innocent and usually asking after our DD. Sometimes asking him to go on her instagram as she has posted a picture of our DD on there.

Is this normal? Do any of your babysitters do this? Am I feeling off about it because deep down I must be an insecure wreck?

Note sure if it is relevant but before getting his number the babysitter used to communicate with me about when looking after our DD as I was the one who would know the dates and times etc.. but haven't heard from her since she now messages DH.

OP posts:

Weebo · 10/09/2017 22:57

You are easily amused, Burberry.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2017 22:57

I actually laugh out loud reading your politically correct opinions.Maybe when your husbands are banging the babysitter then you won't be so choosy about your language.

Well, that isn't going to happen. My babysitter is my mum or son. Im pretty sure I'm safe.

Vile language but you carry on LOLing.

Persephonebrown · 10/09/2017 23:03

BurberryBlue , I personally love a bit of non pc language 😂 Some of the opinions on here sound like they are from a text book, while others are based on experience. People are not against teenage girls, we are mostly parents on here. Some are trying to take the post away from the original question from op and turning it into politically correct feminist chat and I do believe there is a whole section intended just for that.

Sienna333 · 10/09/2017 23:04

I had a huge crush on the dad of the kid I used to babysit for. I was 17, he was early forties....

NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 23:05

People are not against teenage girls

Well, there have been plenty of misogynist posts about teenage girls on this thread, culminating in calling one a "bimbo". If objecting to a 16 year old girl being referred to as a "bimbo" - in any circumstance but in this one for asking after a child she babysits - is "politically correct" then so be it

myshinynewusername · 10/09/2017 23:08

The girl probably has a crush. Doesn't mean she has been groomed. I myself had crushes on much older men at that age, as did many of my peers. It doesn't mean that the OP's husband is going to be unfaithful, or that the babysitter is planning to try and seduce the husband.

All the same, I wouldn't want her to babysit anymore. Putting photos of the toddler online without prior permission would be enough for me. She would hopefully forget this crush very quickly and find another (more suitable) object for her affections.

Persephonebrown · 10/09/2017 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 10/09/2017 23:10

what is the OP's opinion..or decision having heard all the advice

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 10/09/2017 23:10

Does the babysitter have a male role model in her life? Does she see him as a replacement father figure?

Weebo · 10/09/2017 23:11

Well, why didn't said man just keep it in his pants, Persephone?

That would have saved everyone a lot of bother by the sounds of it.

NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 23:14

I have been quite clearly responding to posts about the situation as described by the OP which then broadened into general comments about teenage girls. Would you be happy for your 16 year old daughter to be described as a "bimbo"?

And would that be entirely the mans fault?

I have no idea why you're asking me about the situation you describe but if an adult man started a relationship with a teenage girl then yes, he's been predatory, reprehensible and is largely responsible.

NoLoveofMine · 10/09/2017 23:14

Indeed so Weebo.

Princey675 · 10/09/2017 23:17

Find a new babysitter see how your dh reacts

strawberrisc · 10/09/2017 23:18

All very Rita Sue and Bob Too.

KrytensNanobots · 10/09/2017 23:50

Op, you need to look very very carefully at your husband. That he thought this was appropriate in the 1st place. Dodgy as fuck....and I don't mean the 16yo child.

WTAF. Although I wouldn't expect anything less from this poster. All men are evil and don't trust ANY of them. For crying out loud.

SouthWindsWesterly · 10/09/2017 23:51

Have you actually seen her instragram account and what's on it?

TrailingWife · 10/09/2017 23:52

really weird.

Putting your child on her instagram is weird. Her asking for his number when she already had yours. Her trying to get your husband to follow her Instagram is weird. weird weird weird

Honestly, she has enough boundary issues that I wouldn't want to leave a small child with her. Something is off.

KrytensNanobots · 10/09/2017 23:55

Not sure what I think, tbh. I know I wouldn't be comfortable with the babysitter putting pics of my kids on her Instagram account. I'd be wanting that stopped straight away.
Also, why can't she have both your numbers and text you both? Does seem a bit strange she doesnt contact you any more.
She may have a crush, she may not, it wouldn't be unheard of for a teen to fancy someone older.
Don't know how this automatically makes your husband "dodgy as fuck", he's not necessarily done anything and can't help someone having a crush on him if they indeed do!

BuckinhamL · 10/09/2017 23:58

Op, you need to look very very carefully at your husband. That he thought this was appropriate in the 1st place. Dodgy as fuck....and I don't mean the 16yo child.

FFS - nothing to back that up at all except prejudice, because of course, there's a man involved so he must therefore be at fault. Utter suite.

BuckinhamL · 10/09/2017 23:59

Utter shite, naturally.

Fanciedachange17 · 11/09/2017 00:03

When I was a lass I knew of 2 babysitters who lost their virginity to the fathers of the dc. Third lass I knew was 17 and she thought she had a right to "some fun" and had quite a few sessions with the father. He used to come home early, DTD and when his wife returned, drove the babysitter home, parked up and did it again.

Raindancer411 · 11/09/2017 00:21

Maybe it would be a good idea to find another baby sitter?

mezzemad · 11/09/2017 00:26

My ex husband had an affair with our 16 year old babysitter ( he was 43) be very careful, some are not as sweet as they seem!

So your husband is a predator interested in young girls then.

Graphista · 11/09/2017 01:32

My ex cheated with a 17 year old when we were married he was 31. A girl I went to school with married a guy she originally met by babysitting for him when he was married to his first wife. I've heard of several other such situations.

Some 16 year olds are more mature than others, some men are fucking idiots that should know better and have imo an unhealthy interest in much younger girls.

In addition Instagram is extremely insecure I would not post pictures of a child on there.

This whole situation should never have got this far.

To echo a pp those of us that have worked with teens - in professional and voluntary roles - go through safeguarding training, to protect the teens AND ourselves. This would never be considered appropriate, it leaves your husband wide open to becoming a victim of rumours or even some very unsavoury allegations. Have they ever been alone together?

Also a rejected teen is not who I would leave alone with a baby, at best they're distracted.

Find another babysitter and don't allow such a situation to develop again.

Charolais · 11/09/2017 01:53

Not wholesome. Get a new babysitter.

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