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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

babysitter texting DH

195 replies

Perso25 · 10/09/2017 18:16

I think I am being a bit silly but has been in my mind a couple of days so I thought I would ask other peoples opinion.

We have a lovely babysitter who occasionally comes and looks after my DD (18months) for a couple of hours.

The other week she asked for my DH's number so that she could send him pictures of our DD. I know she doesnt fancy him (she is 16 he is 35, she has a bf etc etc) and I know he doesn't fancy her etc etc.. so I am not sure if it is reasonable of me to find it odd they occasionally message one another?

The messages are always innocent and usually asking after our DD. Sometimes asking him to go on her instagram as she has posted a picture of our DD on there.

Is this normal? Do any of your babysitters do this? Am I feeling off about it because deep down I must be an insecure wreck?

Note sure if it is relevant but before getting his number the babysitter used to communicate with me about when looking after our DD as I was the one who would know the dates and times etc.. but haven't heard from her since she now messages DH.

OP posts:
OuchLegoHurts · 10/09/2017 18:32

Not appropriate at all. It sounds like she has a crush on him...tell him to tread carefully! (And pics of your child online? Just no!)

Titterofwit · 10/09/2017 18:32

Of course shes interested in him .
Have you never seen Rita,Sue and Bob too?

Mittens1969 · 10/09/2017 18:32

I think it is a bit odd tbh, why did she stop texting you and start texting your DH instead? I think you should tell her to text you in future.

And why is she posting photos of your DD on Instagram.

TeachesOfPeaches · 10/09/2017 18:32

Also my sister and her husband have a 26 year age gap so don't rule out her fancying him.

Annabelle4 · 10/09/2017 18:32

I'd also be concerned about her parents discovering that your dh is texting her, regardless of what the conversation is.

We've a teen dd and both dh and I would go insane. It's completely inappropriate.

timeisnotaline · 10/09/2017 18:33

Good point re the selfies. She is behaving inappropriately , your dh should realise this, and also you should ask her not to put photos on Instagram.

Babyblues14 · 10/09/2017 18:33

I don't see the problem with her contacting your dh. Like you said it's always to do with your dc.
But I would have a huge problem with her putting pictures of my children on her social media. .You should demand for her to remove it and then get rid. She could of at least asked and then you could of set the record straight that you didn't want her to. But to assume that she can so what she likes with pictures of your dc is ridiculous

khajiit13 · 10/09/2017 18:35

I think she has a crush. I would be having a conversation with my OH if I were in your shoes, just to voice the fact it sounds like a crush and to remind him to be polite as always but not too encourage the contact tbh.

khajiit13 · 10/09/2017 18:36

It's very common of girls that age to have a crush on a 'older' man, despite the fact she has a boyfriend.

DeadGood · 10/09/2017 18:37

"I know she doesnt fancy him (she is 16 he is 35, she has a bf etc etc) and I know he doesn't fancy her etc etc"

None of the reasons listed above discount the possibility that she fancies him (and him her).

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/09/2017 18:40

Just because she has a boyfriend, doesn't mean she doesn't have a crush on your dh. Teen feelings can be pretty intense at that age. It's unlikely she'll act on it if she does. Perhaps he could ask her to stop putting your dc on insta?

Whiterabbitears · 10/09/2017 18:41

I wouldn't be happy with this at all, agree with having a group for all 3 of you to share pics and communicate. Nip this in the bud now.

oldlaundbooth · 10/09/2017 18:42

She doesn't fancy him? Because he's too old?

Yeah, right.

When I was 16 I only fancied men who were at least 30.

Babyblues14 · 10/09/2017 18:43

Whoops didn't read the op properly, didn't realise she was 16. Yep, extremely odd to be texting your husband. Definitely a crush, tell your dh to stop replying

Crunchymum · 10/09/2017 18:43

Why didn't you just refuse to give number and ask her to liaise with you? Confused

Sounds like she does indeed have a crush on your DH and is quite brazen Shock

I'd tell her to stop positing pictures of your child on social media. Oh and get a new babysitter.

BIWI · 10/09/2017 18:43

So you're new to MN - or are you a namechanger? You seem to know all the lingo!

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/09/2017 18:44

You say the messages are always innocent and her asking after your DD...what are his in reply? Does he show them to you? Always? Are you sure? And have you checked out her Instagram page? There may well be those awful 'lingerie shots' that some women think men find irresistable (quite often rightly).

Calmanglass · 10/09/2017 18:44

When I was 16 and had a boyfriend I ended up in a relationship with a man who was 33. I'd be wary I'm afraid.

Judydreamsofhorses · 10/09/2017 18:44

I used to babysit when I was in my late teens and had a huge - totally unrequited - crush on the dad. (It was way before mobile phones and social media though.) For me it was about being treated as a responsible adult by an adult, I think. I possibly had a bit of a crush on the mum too.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 18:48

On mumsnet there is always something nefarious going on. Sigh, Id assume your husband isn't remotely interested in a 16 year old girl, or do you feel he has thoughts that way?

My friends sons text me over different things, same age range, if anyone thought there was anything in it we'd all stand stock still with shock, then laugh, then think the accuser was some form of degenerate to think of such a thing.

I wouldn't be remotely concerned because I'd be 100 percent sure my husband wouldn't be remotely interested and any response would be cursory and father like. I'd be more than happy for him to deal with the baby sitting organising.

You are concerned though, so can you articulate why?

BenLui · 10/09/2017 18:49

BIWI why on earth is that relevant to the thread?

MN lingo isn't exactly rocket science, a newbie could easily pick it up after minimal lurking or a skim of the acronyms list.

Besides which loads of MNers (including me) regularly name change despite being members for many years.

Unless of course you were troll hunting, which as you should know isn't allowed under MN Talk Guidelines...?

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 10/09/2017 18:50

I work with some teenagers and several have inappropriate interactions with older staff and volunteers.

I think you need to nip it in the bud. Put a stop to it now. It may be innocent but others could get all sorts of wrong ideas.

BenLui · 10/09/2017 18:51

Blunt the fact that the husband isn't remotely interested doesn't mean he isn't vulnerable to accusations of inappropriate behaviour.

And your friend's kid texting you really isn't analogous.

strongasmeringue · 10/09/2017 18:52

Another hit and run.

isadoradancing123 · 10/09/2017 18:55

Def put a stop to that right now, would be my advice/opinion

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