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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To breathalyse DP before he drives tomorrow?

203 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 10/09/2017 02:28

DP gone out for the night with the 'lads', but due to drive at 9-10 tomorrow as planned to go see an old mate and get out of my hair whilst i do my dissertation.

He has form for wanting to drive the morning after a heavy session and sometimes he gets a bit angry/annoyed if i dare suggest the alcohol may still be in his system even though he feels fine.
I have a pack of the france breathalysers that you need to carry in your car when over there, and don't think he can argue with that!
My judgement may be clouded by annoyance as we had planned to spend the night together and he's also just text asking for a lift home at 3, which most certainly won't be happening Hmm
I'm also not entirely sure he'll be going now, as he'll have a stinking hangover and he normally sleeps for the majority of the day after!
But wibu if i were to get him to do the breathalyser?

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 10/09/2017 15:34

Finalmante, shouldn't she care if he drink drives? What if he kills someone? Would you still be saying 'f off'?

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 15:45

Well I see it as interfering. I'm able to make my own decisions.

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 15:47

What if he kills someone? Well that is surely not my fault.

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 15:49

CAN WE HAVE THE ACCUSED AND HIS WIFE TO THE STAND PLEASE?

WIFE: DID YOU STOP HIM FROM DRIVING? No

WELL OFF YOU GO TO PRISON NOW. HAHAHAHAWHAHW

ZaphodBeeblerox · 10/09/2017 15:56

What if he kills someone? Well that is surely not my fault.

Not having legal responsibility is not the same as not having ethical responsibility. Sadly, statistically you aren't the person likely to die or have life-changing injuries as a result of your selfish blinkered attitude. That will be some other family weeping at a funeral or looking at a lifetime of care and wondering why someone just didn't take away the bastard's keys.

Anyway finalemente we all know how you think -all we can hope is that few others agree with your worldview

BoysofMelody · 10/09/2017 16:04

I trust my own judgment though.

Final based on your post here, I wouldn't trust you to find your own arsehole with both hands, let alone make a sensible decisions around drinking and driving.

Oh and the 'no one tells me what to do' rebel without a clue act is a bit embarrassing in a grown adult.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2017 16:06

Finalmente what would you do if someone was clearly over the limit, but thought they were responsible enough to make their own decisions, and took your car keys to drive your car?

a) Let them get on with it
b) Stop them
c) Call the police

LakieLady · 10/09/2017 16:11

My ex-BIL reported his wife to the police when she drove off after a drunken argument.

She was furious at the time, but soon realised that she'd been an absolute twat and he'd done the right thing.

expatinscotland · 10/09/2017 16:16

got Traffic Cops on just now. Someone driving over the limit in the morning just killed a person.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2017 16:20

I wish there had been some traffic cops in Sheffield earlier today. We saw three youths riding motorbikes at way over the speed limit, and one of them wasn't even wearing a crash helmet Hmm

orlantina · 10/09/2017 16:30

WELL OFF YOU GO TO PRISON NOW

Would you feel morally responsible if you knew someone was not capable of driving and you did nothing about it and they killed someone?

Mittens1969 · 10/09/2017 16:39

I get the feeling that this would be controlling, and treating someone like a child. But it's surely the right thing to do in the OP's situation. It's not about treating someone like a child, it's to do with caring about the safety of other road users.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/09/2017 16:40

Good call OP.

It's your car? End of chat. YOUR CAR.

Not controlling. Your car. Your property, your decision.

WellThisIsShit · 10/09/2017 17:26

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/08/28/pictured-crying-polish-lorry-driver-charged-causing-m1-crash/

Bet this driver, sorry I mean killer, thought his judgement was perfect and it's his right to make that decision.

But hey, that poor orphaned child and the many other dead would be happy no one infringed the poor ickle killers rights hey?

It's everyones responsibility to stop these selfish people from ruining others lives. It's certainly not something we can abdicate responsibility for and leave it up to the police (under resourced, over stretched authority who rely on good community relations and law abiding citizens).

Anyway, I've been sucked into someone gleeful attempts to divert this thread. I'll wait to engage with the op if she comes back.

AlternativeTentacle · 10/09/2017 17:29

Still refuses to do the breathalyser because he said it makes him feel like a criminal

Would that be because he knows full well he would be over the limit and - well - drunk driving is a criminal offence.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/09/2017 17:40

He would definitely be over the limit at 9 after a heavy drinking session. Rule of thumb is 8 hours after drinking stops plus an hour for every unit consumed. Got that from alcohol aware literature sent home with DS from school a few years ago.
HTH

goldwrapped · 10/09/2017 17:57

Read this... the accident happened before 8am. Has certainly made me think...
http://www.salisburyjournal.co.uk/news/15524423.MumchargeddoverA3544crashthattkilledherrthreeyearrolddaughter/?ref=mr&lp=1

Plainlycrackers · 10/09/2017 18:06

I breathalysed my DS's 18 year old friend the morning after a big party as he had been really ill after too much booze at a party they had been to... said I couldn't let him drive himself (& others too) home unless I checked as it could ruin his life (& others)... he was happy to do it and it came back negative so all was well... they all seemed quite touched that I was bothered about their wellbeing... felt like a good parent for once! Having a driving ban, let alone anything worse as an outcome, can really mess up your life... and your family's... it is not worth the risk!

Finalmente · 10/09/2017 18:30

Out of sheer curiosity, I would be the first one to do a breathalyser test. If my husband met me on the doorstep telling me to do one? No. No fucking way. Fuck off chimp. Not a chance in hell. Not because I would be afraid of the results, but because I will not be policed.

Mittens1969 · 10/09/2017 18:50

@Finalmente, yes you've made that clear, you don't need to repeat yourself. But you still haven't answered the question as to what you'd do if you were in the OP's position, and afraid your DP was over the drink drive limit and about to drive? Would you really be comfortable knowing that he was potentially putting other road users at risk?

As you won't insist on breathalizing him, would you call the police or ignore the risk he was taking?

Anyway IT WAS THE OP'S CAR!!! She had every right to stop him driving it.

mummabubs · 10/09/2017 20:22

Just wanted to say OP you can tell him that he wouldn't be a criminal for doing a breathalyser test... but he would be for driving if he was over the limit!? My dad used to work away on business a few nights a week and would have a few drinks before commuting the next day- he actually bought a breathalyser so that he could check himself that he wasn't over the limit the next morning (he had friends as a teenager who were killed by a drunk driver so it's close to his heart). Taking a breathalyser test is the responsible thing to do as an adult if he's that confident that he's under the limit, not a sign that anyone thinks he's a criminal. Xx

GabsAlot · 10/09/2017 21:57

nutter alert- how old are you final 12?

Thissameearth · 10/09/2017 22:35

"Fuck off chimp?" Hmm

wannabestressfree · 11/09/2017 09:00

Don't you think it's a bit childish to say 'fuck off chimp' because someone asks you to do something. Particularly if your breaking the law. 'I won't be policed'.... well don't drink to excess and put everyone at risk.

AlternativeTentacle · 11/09/2017 09:04

Fuck off chimp. Not a chance in hell. Not because I would be afraid of the results, but because I will not be policed.

What a delightful person you are.